Finally woke up to my addiction

K

k33pmoving

Fapstronaut
Hi everyone, Im new here and I just recently realized that I have been severely addicted to porn for 10 years and severely relied on it for stress, feeling lonely, boredom without ever thinking it was a problem. This realization only came about because I started having more consistent hookups and noticed that I couldn't stay hard even though I was attracted to the person im assuming its Death Grip. Also even if i'm able to stay hard I cant seem to orgasm Im in a rock and hard place because I have been working on myself and going to the gym a lot increasing my confidence and physical appearance which in turn have allowed me to attract more hookups so I want to sleep around but seems that the PIED has taken control over me and has become my new problem. I have deactivated all of my alternative twitters and refreshed my explore pages so I can reduce my porn use. Im kinda scared that this PIED will stay with me forever and now more prevalent now that i'm more sexually active. Anyone had this happen to them?
 
I had the same problem for years with my girl. I researched every possible reason for ED and had every blood test imaginable. Then I learned about P.I.E.D. and knew that had to be the answer since I was a 20 year porn addict and a masturbation addict even longer than that. My sensitivity was non-existent. I could barely feel anything even without a condom. Warming gel, nadda. But I went on a 30 day streak. Then one morning I had to try and had the best sex I ever had with my girl. I orgasmed naturally for the first time EVER during sex. I still stuggle after going on 2 years clean, but I've had better sex than I ever have at points. It is reversible.
 
Hey man. That’s what happened to me. After using porn every day for 6 years and constantly striking out with women, I finally had some romantic success but I couldn’t orgasm with a real person, even if I was the one jerking it. That was one reason that really pushed me to quit. And about 120 days into my first streak, I was able to orgasm with a woman, and at 150 days, inside a woman.

that first streak is still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I promise you, PIED, death grip, etc is all reversible. But it’s gonna be very difficult though. This is a nasty addiction. It’s very hard to defeat but it’s totally worth it.
 
k33pmoving said:
Hi everyone, Im new here and I just recently realized that I have been severely addicted to porn for 10 years and severely relied on it for stress, feeling lonely, boredom without ever thinking it was a problem. This realization only came about because I started having more consistent hookups and noticed that I couldn't stay hard even though I was attracted to the person im assuming its Death Grip. Also even if i'm able to stay hard I cant seem to orgasm Im in a rock and hard place because I have been working on myself and going to the gym a lot increasing my confidence and physical appearance which in turn have allowed me to attract more hookups so I want to sleep around but seems that the PIED has taken control over me and has become my new problem. I have deactivated all of my alternative twitters and refreshed my explore pages so I can reduce my porn use. Im kinda scared that this PIED will stay with me forever and now more prevalent now that i'm more sexually active. Anyone had this happen to them?
Click to expand...

Welcome to the site. If you are ready to put the hard work in, you'll be able to see some amazing new things and love life in a way that was never before possible.

The real question is: do you want to address your porn addiction to live a sober, healthy life with meaningful intimacy with partners, or do you just want to fix PIED just so you can go back to (what looks to me, a sex addict, like) your sex addiction?

If it's the second one...well, you're in for a real rough time my friend. This addiction is a progressive illness that gets worse, not better with time. Speaking as a sex addict, we will eventually "outgrow" Internet Pornography to get our "fix" of our favorite drug (dopamine) in the real world. Sounds like you are on that road and let me tell you, it is not pretty where it leads. Last guy I knew that went that route eventually r*ped someone because he was so obsessed with hookups and sex and could no longer control himself after some years. He lost his job, all his friends, and ended up in jail and had to move away.
Plenty of others escalate to prostitution / massage parlors when they can't get their fix any longer from hookup places (i.e. they got old or whatever)

PIED has nothing to do with "death grip." It has to do with years of abusing our chemical reward system so that we no longer feel joy or connection to others and basic "vanilla" things can no longer arouse us because we've been doin the fappy fap to extreme fetishes and content, always chasing the next high.

I recommend reading pages 9-10 here (or more), and seeing if any of it applies to you:
https://saa-recovery.org/literature/sex-addicts-anonymous-green-book-saas-basic-text/

Wishing you luck -
 
cleaningupmyact said:
Welcome to the site. If you are ready to put the hard work in, you'll be able to see some amazing new things and love life in a way that was never before possible.

The real question is: do you want to address your porn addiction to live a sober, healthy life with meaningful intimacy with partners, or do you just want to fix PIED just so you can go back to (what looks to me, a sex addict, like) your sex addiction?

If it's the second one...well, you're in for a real rough time my friend. This addiction is a progressive illness that gets worse, not better with time. Speaking as a sex addict, we will eventually "outgrow" Internet Pornography to get our "fix" of our favorite drug (dopamine) in the real world. Sounds like you are on that road and let me tell you, it is not pretty where it leads. Last guy I knew that went that route eventually r*ped someone because he was so obsessed with hookups and sex and could no longer control himself after some years. He lost his job, all his friends, and ended up in jail and had to move away.
Plenty of others escalate to prostitution / massage parlors when they can't get their fix any longer from hookup places (i.e. they got old or whatever)

PIED has nothing to do with "death grip." It has to do with years of abusing our chemical reward system so that we no longer feel joy or connection to others and basic "vanilla" things can no longer arouse us because we've been doin the fappy fap to extreme fetishes and content, always chasing the next high.

I recommend reading pages 9-10 here (or more), and seeing if any of it applies to you:


Wishing you luck -
Click to expand...
I haven't thought of it like that I appreciate your response. I have been pretty celibate most of my life due to my shyness and lack of self confidence. I decided to change that and work on my self image at the gym which kinda led me to have more real life sex opportunities. Porn has confused me so much because what I thought I liked on the screen doesn't arouse me in person leaving me limp and awkward even though if i watch the same porn it turns me on. I don’t think im a SA but I do crave that type of intimacy simply because I want to experience it in person for myself. I am in the grip of this porn addiction and see how the highs of video porn has caused me to be numb to real life sensation and sex with partners. I guess to answer your question I am addressing my porn addiction in order to experience proper intimacy when it comes along so I can figure out what I like in bed rather than relying on porn to fantasize it.
 
k33pmoving said:
I haven't thought of it like that I appreciate your response. I have been pretty celibate most of my life due to my shyness and lack of self confidence. I decided to change that and work on my self image at the gym which kinda led me to have more real life sex opportunities. Porn has confused me so much because what I thought I liked on the screen doesn't arouse me in person leaving me limp and awkward even though if i watch the same porn it turns me on. I don’t think im a SA but I do crave that type of intimacy simply because I want to experience it in person for myself. I am in the grip of this porn addiction and see how the highs of video porn has caused me to be numb to real life sensation and sex with partners. I guess to answer your question I am addressing my porn addiction in order to experience proper intimacy when it comes along so I can figure out what I like in bed rather than relying on porn to fantasize it.
Click to expand...

How many years have you been doing the fappy fap to the computer screen? It was 20+ years for me. I have got a lot of work to do to heal. It's not uncommon for extreme fetishes to make our pp active and then leave us limp with real world partners.

k33pmoving said:
going to the gym a lot increasing my confidence and physical appearance which in turn have allowed me to attract more hookups so I want to sleep around
Click to expand...

You said this in your first post

k33pmoving said:
I am addressing my porn addiction in order to experience proper intimacy
Click to expand...

but now you say this.

This reminds me of my thinking before getting into SAA. I told myself many lies, including pining after old flames thinking it was love lost, when really it was me hungry for more dopamine drug. I used to tell myself I was polyamorous too. I came up with every excuse in the book for why I "had to" keep masturbating and acting out with PMO and hookups, despite the consequences. Never went 90 days without it.

This is where the work of examining our sexual motivations lies, whether we are compulsive about them, and if we are being radically honest or not about our recovery.

Have you considered doing 90 days NoFap? Just letting your body reset and see how you feel? It's what most members do here, and it works wonders.
 
cleaningupmyact said:
How many years have you been doing the fappy fap to the computer screen? It was 20+ years for me. I have got a lot of work to do to heal. It's not uncommon for extreme fetishes to make our pp active and then leave us limp with real world partners.



You said this in your first post



but now you say this.

This reminds me of my thinking before getting into SAA. I told myself many lies, including pining after old flames thinking it was love lost, when really it was me hungry for more dopamine drug. I used to tell myself I was polyamorous too. I came up with every excuse in the book for why I "had to" keep masturbating and acting out with PMO and hookups, despite the consequences. Never went 90 days without it.

This is where the work of examining our sexual motivations lies, whether we are compulsive about them, and if we are being radically honest or not about our recovery.

Have you considered doing 90 days NoFap? Just letting your body reset and see how you feel? It's what most members do here, and it works wonders.
Click to expand...
How long have you been doing the NoFap program if I may ask?
 
TheRaven8386 said:
How long before you could tell a real difference in being able to get an maintain erections?
Click to expand...

It's been coming and going for me. It was pretty easy before my last relapse a little over 30 days ago.

I'm probably not the best person to ask though, because I am abstinent right now. I have no interest in sex and dating, at least for a few months while I am in detox. So I'm not trying, and am sure that affects the results I am getting atm.

I am focusing right now instead and how to more emotionally available and a better listener and support to my friends and loved ones. It's been really rewarding actually, after spending 20 years obsessing about my pp and how much pun tang I could get
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top