Finishing Question - Low Libido

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by peterso2, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. peterso2

    peterso2 Fapstronaut

    I've frequently been masturbating for the last 15 years, daily (34M). I thought this was a normal habit since I never had a girlfriend and only had sex 1 time. I needed something to get off to? Well little did I know I likely did some long term damage to myself. Recently (last year), I've noticed a huge drop in my libido, urges for sex and everything in general.

    3 months ago, I found a girlfriend. I've had sex with her a few times, 6 ish?
    Everytime, no issues getting hard, but issues with sensitivity, libido. This causes the point where I can't finish inside of her like she pleases. She asks whats going on, I tell her its just different, I'm working on it, and I haven't finished within girls before. She tells me its the only way she can climax. I'll just keep going at her in missionary position without feeling any closer. Then she'll cut it off if it doesnt happen. I feel pressured. I just can't get there during penetration.

    On these same days if I play with myself enough I can get there (looking at porn typically). She does not do foreplay the way I normally get myself off. Would it be wrong to play with myself to get myself going before entering her?

    To address this, I've gone to my doctor, had my testosterone checked. It was at 350. The free testosterone was in the middle of the range as well. I've also quit masturbating to climax, but notice if I do watch porn and edge I get sensitivity and the drive back quicker than without. It's been 2 weeks so far without much improvement in sex drive.

    Any solutions you might suggest? I might add I saw my general doctor who gave meds but it's not ED, its just a sensitivity and a sex drive issue in general. I should also mention I lifted weights heavily until up to 2 years ago. That is when I started to lose mass, thinning hair, and libido dropped. I've recently got back in the gym.

    Just hoping someone can help me, I'm just worried I may lose girlfriend over this issue and all the stress its caused.

    Thanks all!
  2. aerokus

    aerokus Fapstronaut

    If you become accustomed to a certain type of masturbation through frequent fapping + use of porn, your brain becomes hardwired to this method. I had the exact same thing. I could have sex for hours and feel nothing, but I could jerk off and be done in a few minutes.

    Staying away from porn and masturbation will fix your problem, but it will take a long time and it doesn't sound like your GF has very much patience.

    You can still get her off without having to cum yourself obviously, but sex where the guy isn't feeling anything isn't a particularly fun experience for either party.

    I'd suggest a Fleshlight to get accustomed to the natural sensations of sex (also the pressure of sex in general, when you haven't had much experience), you can read more about it here
  3. What aerokus said. We shared / share similar symptoms. Just give it time and you'll be fine. I'd try and give yourself at least 30 days of no PMO before doing anything as you're likely to get a flatline. The longer you stay away from PMO the better, though if you can mentally handle it try sex after a month and see how it goes. Just take it SLOW for the next couple of months as both your brain and dick need some time.

    Your test levels are fine though you could easily get those to 700 with diet and exercise. Eat more healthy fat, lift heavy shit and sprint.
    Dinesh The Survivor likes this.
  4. peterso2

    peterso2 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the replies guys it is encouraging. It's been 17 days so far and I'm not feeling any libido still. Been back in the gym. Are there supplements that may help? There is just no desire and I'm lifting heavy weights too :( At 350 for testerone maybe it's just not enough. I'm feeling very depressed about this. Why an I broken?

    Edit..would it be wrong to stroke myself a little bit before we had sex near her? This would help me tremendously
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2018
  5. Dude 350 is more than most dudes, while nothing special it's more than sufficient for erections. It's the flatline, just give it time. Trust me I know how you feel.
  6. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

    Keep taking better care of yourself, it'll help out a lot.

    Also have you considered talking to her about your problem? It might really help.
    Gautama likes this.
  7. Gautama

    Gautama Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Hi Peter,

    Your low libido is not uncommon when people are trying to beat porn addiction. There are various factors that may be causing the issue going to see a specialist in this field may help you. A question for you, do you have any anxiety issues? This can be a factor. Also, watching a lot of porn will eventually desentersize someone and make it less likely to get arroused. Just a thought..
  8. peterso2

    peterso2 Fapstronaut

    Thanks all! I actually found my latest test showed 450 in testerone. Free T is OK. I have found yes looking at porn I can get there aroused quick. But with her, so challenging, the way she gives me handjobs (dry) and blowjobs I feel no arousal. I get hard instantly though. Tried 3 weeks NoFap ,relapsed but not much gain. Last night was a mess, she cut me off during sex. Said dont you think its wierd 3 months together and no orgasm? I feel like a loser, almost wanting to break up over this. Its not my fault. Does a urologist visit make sense here? Sorry for being such a bummer here, but I really do feel broken here. I'll also mention I have trouble sleeping a lot and thinning hair along with weight loss.

    I also want to note I've taken lots of melatonin to sleep. Could this be a cause?

    As well, I have trouble being aroused but the minute I watch a porn video no issues
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2018
  9. Just make NoFap your main goal. Unless there is an underlying physiological issue, your probably fine. I feel your stress as I still go through it myself, I'm getting good wood now though I'm still experiencing PE. I had some sleep issues for a bit in my flatline but nothing crazy. Next to NoFap sleep should be your biggest priority.

    I'm assuming you have a regular schedule so make a habit of going to bed at the same time and getting up at the same time and strive for 8 hours. Sleep is essential for IGF and testosterone production and frankly the most natural way to control your test levels. If your having trouble sleeping look at what's causing that. Sugar, caffeine, blue light before bed, to hot in the room, to much light, alcohol, drugs... A normal human should be able to sleep properly, if your not it's probably something your doing or not doing to affect that. Just google how to improve your sleep and you'll get a host of resources. Try and stay away from any sleep aid as it'll mess with your rem cycles, though I would try ZMA. It'll help with both sleep and testosterone which will translate into better erections.
  10. Hey there, I recently found out that melatonin can lower dopemine, I’ve recently stopped taking it, I’ll see how that goes
  11. UC killed me

    UC killed me Fapstronaut

    Hi even I have issues, I get wood early morning n at night on bed, but not when I sit or stand, n it doesn't stay for more than 3minutes, doctor prescribed me tadafil tabs it works fine, m 35 unmarried n worried if those tablets would work 20 years or so that I could take decision to merry, kindly advise please
  12. peterso2

    peterso2 Fapstronaut

    Just wanted to give you an update. 3 weeks no fapping, gave up porn and usi g a penis sensitivity cream. Wow, feeling very horny and sensitive, I'll post an update this weekend, but I'm hoping my problem is fixed
  13. peterso2

    peterso2 Fapstronaut

    All - thanks for your help and support over last few weeks, I believe my issue is cured. Took care of the GF last night no issues, finishing. Took a break for 4 weeks from finishing, I would edge. This helped tremendously for all you folks I would recommend. Plus morning sex vs night sex made a huge difference.

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