First 109 Days in 45 Years

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by SaltedPeter, Mar 28, 2018.

  1. SaltedPeter

    SaltedPeter Fapstronaut

    Today I saw my Doctor whom I have not shared my addiction with. Its that whole I am in control BS I know but working on that part.
    But He noticed right off how self confident I was and well spoken I was I could tell by his body language and how he spoke to me on a equal bases which is rare.

    I noticed allot of different things going on, I volunteered last night at Memory Care Facility I do pretty often and I could tell a huge difference on my approach to the place I walked in not cocky, but confident and I could tell my presence was recognized.

    I am not use to feeling that but I know its part of me, as I publicly have spoken, debated and run classes. But even back then I was not on my game, I am amazed how porn even effected my day to day activities and yes even after 45 years I had no idea.

    The bad:
    109 days ago or maybe more like 220 days ago 30days before my last abuse. I was beat down and beat up. I felt like I was dying inside and swore I must have cancer or worse my whole world was crap and porn was my rescuer. The only positive was knowing I could use when I felt like it. I am married and felt alone, I volunteer and felt alone.
    I was tired and felt alone and the anxiety and depression was near fatal to my spirit.
    I prayed allot and had a thousand times before, asking God to just remove this from my life so I could be free and years on years I felt abandoned. I realized that God was not stopping me and God was not abandoning me. I was not stopping me.
    There is a reason when some one cuts us off on the raod and we don't grab a bat and beat them to a pulp, because we know its wrong and hurtful and unhealthy. Yet we will all do porn and justify it. When I say porn is wrong people get all religions and then think that is an excuse. No porn is wrong because it tells the body to act in a unnatural way. Its hurtful because it harms our minds and others and its unhealthy for a million reasons.

    Day 109, thank you for this website, I now click to here when even an inkling comes up .
     
  2. paradigmshifter

    paradigmshifter Fapstronaut

    Congratulations and stay strong
     
    SaltedPeter likes this.
  3. Desmo

    Desmo Fapstronaut

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    Totally true and awesome story . Thanks so much for sharing . Keep the strength going and multiplying !
     
  4. Much Ado About Nutting

    Much Ado About Nutting Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing this. I'm starting my journey for a porn free life... I also know God is not abandoning me... I just having been doing my part. I haven't actually put in the effort to beat this addiction. So right now I'm turning to a spiritual power for strength and also using the resources on this forum to do my best. Thanks for letting me know about the benefits of no porn and how it is working for you.
     
    SaltedPeter likes this.
  5. Yahska

    Yahska Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on your streak. Stay strong and keep going.
     
  6. Son of shiva

    Son of shiva Fapstronaut

  7. This is very inspirational!

    I think relying on God is the only way to get out of this destructive path and you have found him.

    May the LORD bless your soul
     
  8. SaltedPeter

    SaltedPeter Fapstronaut

    Thank You guys.
    I say the serenity prayer allot that helps me.
    I also say stuff to myself like .

    1. I was strong once before I was weak.
    2. I once enjoyed life for just living it.
    3. I once loved who I was.
    These things I want in my life back, want to be strong and have a desire for life which is returning
    and I am actually starting to like and maybe even respect the person I am becoming well see
    as this is an addiction, and once you think you have won, you have lost. Being Humble is huge
    to stay off porn.
     
    Jim2015 likes this.

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