First date kisses? Do you do it?

See my post above. You need to stop that sort of thing!

 

That's not something to laugh about! You really think it's funny that he only Russian and Turkish women?

 

well, meeting for drinks is not translation i want to have s. with you. personally when going on a date i prefer grabbing some drinks and not coffee or tea or whatever. That doesn't mean i wanna have s. with the person automatically. I am girl so I know

 

It’s happened before and I didn’t notice the social cues. Like when I went on a first date with a girl to the cinema. Afterwards she wanted sex and I didn’t pick up on it. And then later she joked that I just left her stranded. And other times too on first dates afterwards girls have asked so what do you want to do now. Possibly they wanted to have sex. But I thought the date was over and I always assumed that sex on a first date is hard to get. So I ended the date with the belief that we would have more dates that would lead to sex... Not always the case.

Anyway with the date last night we did not kiss... I’m so out of practice it’s the first date I have had in a year! I totally forgot that it’s important to have some physical contact. We sat opposite and drank and talked and then a hug at the end... Hard to tell how interested she is. She hasn’t blocked me or anything I suppose that’s a positive... To be fair she had a flight to catch in the morning and we were both tired. In all honesty I wasn’t ready to meet anyone yet! I needed at least one more week to get some control of this anxiety... But she already decided that we would meet on Thursday even though I said I needed to check my schedule... And I didn’t want to be a flake and make up an excuse for not meeting because that would kill the attraction...

Oh well you live and you learn. I don’t feel that bad because I’m still talking to a lot of girls. More fish in the sea.

 

Don't worry about kissing on the first date, just worry about mild contact. If she doesn't even hold your hand, or touch your shoulder, or whatever by the end, that'll tell you a lot.

 

ok sometimes it happens but not 100%. it depends mostly if attraction is created and how strong that is. about the fact that some girls asked you at the end of the date, "what do you want to do now?" it does't always means they want s.

s. is too much on your mind. even making out and spending a nice time walking or grabbing drinks while laughing and bonding mentally and physically. it also depends with which tone of voice they tell you that. if they look sort of impatient or frustrated that means they want you to be more alpha male and finally kiss her(especially if she touches your arm, hair with stupid excuses to see if you like being closer to her), and build chemistry. or they might mean they want to keep spending time with you and want to postopone for as long as they can because they like you a lot. s. shouldn't be your goal. nofap reboot is about something different

i used to be dependent on a guy's reaction towards me and having just other guys i could go on a date if i changed my mind or wanted "to take a revenge and make him jealous" (lowkey that is why i did it). when i didn't feel wanted by one person as i wanted, i would feel ugly awful and trying to find validation by other guys but not really crossing the line too much, usually i did a couple of times flirting without willing to escalate just to play, or went on a date with someone else or been in bed but no s. the beauty is dating one good person that you like not dating 3 girls at the same time and you don't like really none of them. that is sad and insanely pointless

when i did this, they were all ways to pretend i didn't care about that one guy that i actually i liked and wanted to be with. yes, sea is full of fish but that it is not healthy (especially with people that have s. and p addiction) you should focus on bonding with the other person, being detached the right amount. you don't need to date multiple girls to be more detached and not dependent on how she responds to you. Focus on your life, make it full and happy. real bonding is much more precious than the "best" s. i was a s. addict. for me bonding is the most beautiful feeling and extremely valuable. it is all about real human connection

 

I've never kissed on a first date in the past, but I think if I was still dating now I wouldn't mind it, depending on the person and the situation. I've only ever kissed two people, and one of them is the person I'm married to. I think for me, not kissing until later was just a way to sort of slow things down in the physical department, since I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. It's natural to want the physical part of your relationship to continue to progress, so if you start kissing on the first date, then it wont be too long before you're wanting to take bigger steps, and I didnt want to do that yet.

 

Bonding is exactly how i have been trying to go about it. However it would seem that people are very s focused. Well at least the people i seem to be meeting. I had a girl un-match with me on a OkCupid because i said i was looking for a monogamous relationship. And she wanted non monogamous. And a few years ago one girl told me that i was going about it all wrong. Trying to have relationships when everyone was just sleeping around. Now im not saying that everybody does that of course they dont. She was mostly interested in just having sex i guess.

Short term i suppose i am leaning more towards s. After so many months of PMO, i need to do the complete opposite while i have all these opportunities. So i can create a new pathway with no PMO and relapsing again. Already talking to two girls on Tinder who want to meet.

 

well to be honest i never wanted to hear other female friends how they approach dating and what they do in more detail. btw wow. some girls like some guys want just that. i think the so-called dating apps ruined dating for who wants to do it seriously especially. i did it myself to have a bf and it didn't turn out good at all. then i realized that once i quit for good few months ago and not worrying about dating a nice guy but going about my life normally and talking, and be open i got a lot of guys approaching me. a lot

for me the guys i met not online were healthier and natural. be careful of the chaser effect, i had it a couple of times. i get it you want to have s too but think what you can truly benefit and if only getting off with some girls you don't really like is what you need now. how empty that is of experience. now i just realize how really easy is to find someone to date in real life. i had downloaded back and forth for 4 years, addicted coz i didn't have to create a circle of friends and put an effort and grow and meet a guy via friends. now dating apps are not appealing to me anymore, i see real life is much better

for example the other night, coming home from work, i was on the bus and i heard a guy and girl on the bus. she was heavily drunk and the guy was a little bit rude to her, telling her not to throw up and that they were close to his house. i could see he was pissed off about her being so drunk but he still wanted to have s. with her. just the whole scene was so sad. is that what you want? i am pretty sure they met online or club, they didn't really know each other from their conversation. he clearly didn't like her but still wanted s. that is what you are going to get via dating apps. we need deepness in relationships to heal from our p and s addiction, find partners that loves us and we can rely on and be ourselves 100%

from 7:41 he talks about dating apps but the whole video is a masterpiece

 

I hear what you are saying. My anxiety is high and confidence not that great. The online dating is an easy way to get myself back to a healthy state again. Because the thought of doing approaches when i'm so low just makes the anxiety even worse. I am getting flooded with messages from these dating apps at the moment. More than i have ever had in my life. It is increasing my confidence which is what i really need at the moment. Lots of potential dates, and i am having so many good conversations. It's all positive. To get rid of all of this good energy now would be the equivalent of committing suicide... Being locked away in a body that is unable to meet people is no joke... And that girl from the first date is still talking to me so again another positive. I always believed in sticking with something that is working for you. And in my case these apps work very well! I have been talking with girls from all over, they are not all just interested in sex. I am also talking to a girl from Slovenia, she admitted that shes not good at flirting or meeting people in real life so her friend suggested she used dating apps. We have been talking ever since. She already asked me out, but i'm not quite ready to meet yet with anxiety not under good control yet. It would have meant me meeting two of her friends as well at an event. Pretty intense for a first meeting

I will check out that video later thanks.

 

your confidence should not depend on how many girls are interested in dating you. because if you get one rejection, you take it bad. you should work on building your confidence not based on others but on how you perceive yourself. how our parents did? it is easier than you think. you should get out of your comfort zone. dating apps can damage you more thean they can help you in your personal growth in reboot. and also with nofap so many people have experienced being more people's magnet than before

 

Well my confidence is not good at the moment. I’m unemployed struggling with interviews. This dating is a breath of fresh air. I’m having better luck with first dates than I am interviews and that’s all thanks to the apps. I need all the wins I can get otherwise I’m a broken wreck thinking of suicide daily. So better to have something that’s making me feel good don’t you agree?

It gives me hope that I can still succeed in this life. Maybe one day when I’m in a better healthy state with a job. To throw away all the apps now and go 100% approach when I’m already so damaged is definitely a path to suicide. Because my success rate with approaches is zero. And my success rate with interviews last I tried before I took a break was also zero. That’s a hell of a lot of stress plus the anxiety to worry about...

Rejection is an awful feeling...

 

i am sorry you feel in this way. i agree, i don't like being rejected either. i just recently got a 2nd job and i felt the job was already mine (i needed money) and in 2 days i started working for them after a trial shift. i was very stressed but i acted like the job was already mine. your mindset is too negative now. there is a quote i love and it is so true and it says: "“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”" by Henry Ford. i had moments where i had a negative mood and everything that could possibly went wrong, did. it was a disaster. once i keep having positive thoughts, everything started getting better. if you keep thinking you will get rejected at your interviews, that is exactly what will happen. if you think you will succeed in everything you believe in, you will succeed and get it

of course you can succeed in your life. please don't be so hard on yourself. what some guys don't understand is that approaching girls is not so difficult at all. girls are not superior beings, no one is perfect, everyone has some insecurities and not always confident (even the guys that usually get a lot of girls). i had suicidal thoughts some times when my s addiction was making me feel very bad about myself but i came out of it, hope and strenght given by my faith in God helped me a lot and also reboot gives you this hope of a happy life. The law of attractio works, here is the full movie "The Secret", one of my favouite movies and it will cheer u up, stay strong! Keep having hope

 

I am not even a negative person is general. I have apps for meditation, affirmations and positive thinking. It’s my environment that is all negative. So no matter how hard I try nothing will change until that is resolved. That environment is living at home with an extremely negative mother who has caused all of my problems. Porn addiction, anxiety, stress, IBS. I’m all stress now I can’t even lay in my bed at home and relax. So just imagine how it is for me when I go out and meet people... Which is why I desperately need a job so that I can move out...

Speaking of people one of the girls I was going to meet on Tinder got sexually assaulted! After a night out clubbing. Phone and cards stolen and bruises... So she’s definitely not going to be in the frame of mind to meet anyone best she just recovers.

Life is hard...

I don’t even know how people manage to get job offers anymore. This whole job search feels convulted. Interviews feel like interrogations at a police station. Panel of people bombarding you with questions, writing notes on paper. Serious faces no expression. Doing background checks on your previous history. Like you are on trial for committing a crime...

 

what you are writing is very negative. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. you can't blame your mother or anyone for your addictions or other problems. you are responsible for what happened but you can arise new and better, happy person than ever. i live with my family as well. sometimes i would like to go back at living alone or with flatmates but it is fine for me overall

I find it odd for a person after being raped to try to meet/date/have s. with people met online or even not online after being raped and also with the bruises etc. I think a person after been raped wouldn't want to be touched in any way not even on the public trasport by accident. i dunno how true could be this story in all honestly. i think it is made up. some people are odd, and find strange ways to get attention and have people have pity on them

interviews at work are like showing you are the best and the company will benefit if they hire you, show that you are motivated and you got the skills the require, don't lose enthusiasm, keep going and keep having faith that you'll get the job and everything you want. believe in yourself, if you don't believe in yourself nobody will. stay strong. your thoughts can change your reality, they really can! test it out. it works everytime with me. have you watche dthe movie i sent you? i am sure it will help you greatly

 

Like i said i am not even a negative person. But living with an extremely negative person has made me negative. She turns all my positives into a negative. I work out and she complains because i'm actually eating my healthy food and not her processed... The insanity! I stay at home watching TV or doing, programming whatever she complains that im always home in my room. So i go out, maybe on a date and then she complains that im always out she assumes im doing nothing. Does not approve of drinking alcohol in a social aspect. Ridiculous! Complain, complain complain. Asking me why im not married yet... Well look im going out there trying to meet people and all you are doing is being negative about everything. You dont want me to stay home you dont want me to go out and live... It was bad enough already that she got in a fight with my cousin and got herself cut out of her life. So now they dont come over here anymore we dont see the kids. This is the poison that i am living with. There is much more but this has gone way off topic it should be in therapy...

This is my negative life with her...

I dont think that girl is lying i have her number on whatsapp. She did not respond to my last message and it shows she has not been seen since Saturday. And she messaged me on the Tinder App. You can sign in with just facebook and even in the browser it does not need number. So the story probably checks out. It would be one hell of a lie if it was. Why go through all that trouble? Its not like she cant meet other guys?

 

This woman gave you life. You should help her not feel she is the poison of your life. At 26 i got asked 3 times so far if I'm married. That was odd but it makes me realize that actually my mum got married before 30. When a girl asked me recently if i have a boyfriend i was about to say "I'm about to get married". I feel inside of me that is what i want and i feel it will happen soon. It is a strong feeling i have in my soul

I dunno the whole story with your mum but family is about helping each other. If she is down, help her. I'm sure she would like your help like you would like hers

About the girl, telling you she got raped and robbed with bruises as well (that's a very traumatic thing to go through). And a very personal one to say to a complete stranger that would like to go on a date with her. I don't buy it

Which girl would like to get touched by a guy (a stranger met online basically) after what she claims happened to her? No girl. She should have 1000 trust issues

She ignored your message. then some people on dating apps wanna talk but not meet. She could have told you that to scare you off hoping you would lose interest buy liking the attention from you. Some people are crazy

A friend went on 3-4 dates with a guy but no kiss yet (she was 30) and basically at the end he told her that his dad died when she suggested another date. She eventually found out that his dad was alive and he lied about it

 

I just went on a first date last night and we kissed. I usually try to go for it whenever I feel there is a good opening to do so. Escalating can only increase attraction, and a rejected kiss will not decrease attraction. It shows that you are into her, which is flattering and make her want to keep seeing you, if only for a date or two more.

 

If things are going well, I wouldn't even wait until the end of the date if there is an opportunity. Kissing at the end of the date is almost contractual and kills it for me. If you're really getting along well, try and get a situation where you're beside each other and your faces would normally be close to begin with. If she is giving you signs just go for it. Way more ballsy than waiting until the end and chances are she will be into it if you were reading the situation right.

Obviously take this advice with a grain of salt. If your lunch date in the cafeteria is going great don't shove your tongue down someone's throat.

 

In my experience kissing on a first date only works, if it is going well and both of you are interested in each other. I don't always wait until the end of the date. I have kissed girls during the date when we both felt more relaxed. A few glasses of alcohol is the way to go. But even if it happens at the end of the date it can still work well. I did this once with a girl from Greece, we made out and cuddled for ages. This lead to quite of a few sex dates.

However i don't believe that we should try and force kisses on a first date, especially if you are not sure the girl is even that interested in you. I had a date not long ago with a girl, i was not sure if she was even that interested in me. We only hugged at the end of the date. But she is still talking to me so i suppose its not dead yet... However my last date ended with failure. Its a long story. The short version she just seemed angry and agitated. I guess maybe i was too friendly trying to hug her at the start she was not into it. And then on the date she did not seem that happy. Clearly she has issues. She was complaining about a girl sitting next to us talking too loud. We moved and sat somewhere else and then she goes and puts her bag in between us on the bench. Putting up a wall... Even though we talked and joked, she does not seem like shes ready to date at all. I think she said that.

She did not even respond to my previous message on whatsapp so im not playing around anymore its been like two days. I deleted her from my phone and Instagram i just cant stand time wasters. I would feel bad but i still have plenty of girls who DO want to talk to me and meet.