I told my therapist that I need to stop masturbating, and she tried to tell me it was fine. I tried to explain how it was porn auction and is negatively affecting my life, and she said something to the effect of "you have enough things to worry about then stressing out about masturbation." I kind of felt ignored by the only real life prison I've told about it, but for a second I thought about taking her words seriously. What if all this isn't that big of a deal? Put aside the brain scans and testimonials shared here for a moment. What if all the PMO was as harmless as sipping a latte from Starbucks. If it was harmless, it wouldn't be all that pleasurable, certainly not pleasurable enough to be habit forming. Unfortunately that's not the case for me. On the other hand, it's possible to have some pleasurable things in life that always are good. Good music or classic movies for instance. This isn't the case here. This gets pleasure until of gets terrible. Until it becomes obvious that it's making your life here, which is why it is a problem, and why we're all here. At some point the pleasure gives out and doesn't deliver, leaving us with bad choices. Fit me the choice has all to often to go deeper, consume harder and weirder stuff. This path ends on levels of perversion that alternate you from society at best and approach the sexual offender list at worst. Louis CK comes to mind. The other option when the pleasure fades is to stop. That's what we're doing. We've realized the pleasure isn't worth it. I realize this, and yet my relapse log is full of more restarts than me trying to get my pixel 3 to work. The pleasure wanes, until I have a bad day and cave. A couple days after I came I realize that the pleasure is a bunch of lies and to pursue more is a path to nowhere. And I'm good until I have a sleepless night, and suddenly they pleasure seems harmless and magical. So I go back and forth. Around and around. If what my therapist says was right, then this wouldn't be a cycle. If be good at managing this back and forth of relapse and withdrawal. But the fact that I know in my gut that she is wrong, and that is why I'm here on this site returning on this, and that my phone is full of so many porn blockers that it makes it run wonky. It's actually good that she responded the way she did, because had I used get approval as an excuse, it would mean do down I didn't really want to stop. Now I realize I do, which means I need to stop something else. In my actual life, my response to hard days and sleepless night can no longer be to search for pleasure. I shouldn't aim to escape. I should be able to handle to momentary, inevitable suffering with pride and calmness, but a shaky-handed trip to an incognito window. I relapsed this morning, and the thing to look at isn't that hour, but the other 23. Am I doing the best in those times to set my self up to withstand what's coming without needing to cave? Are you? Let me know in the comments or whatever.