First NoFAP Challenge

Hi Readers,

I am new to the site and am journaling about my first posted NoFAP challenge. At the end of this post I have included a previous post of mine where I introduce myself and give some of my background. The rest is details of this new challenge that I'm embarking on...

Today, being the first day of my challenge, I will lay out the conditions...

1.) Refrain from porn, masturbation, and orgasm until September 13th, my birthday. This sums to 62 days. It is looking likely that I will be in a serious relationship at this time, and so I hope to avoid porn and masturbation indefinitely after the 13th. I will reconsider this stance on masturbation at that time, but I will not reconsider my stance on pornography.
2.) Refrain from eating refined sugar until September 13th. This has been something I've been gradually working on and find it significantly helps my mental clarity.
3.) Meditate 120min every day; 60min in the AM, 60min in the PM. I have been meditating for a while and currently average around 90min of meditation every day. Again, this profoundly helps my mental clarity and helps me recognize and understand my urges.
4.) Journal on this web-site every day possible (I'll be going on a meditation retreat at some point within this time frame and won't have internet access).

Copy and Pasted from my "Introduction" post
Hi Readers,

I'm new to the site so I thought I'd introduce myself.

I'm a 32 year old male who had viewed porn with increasing frequency from my high school years until I was about 30. I watched pornography about 4-6 times a week for roughly 20-80min at a time. I never experienced erectile dysfunction, but I could tell I was headed in that direction. I noticed that watching pornography was gradually making it harder for me to reach orgasm with whomever my partner was throughout that period. Additionally, I was not affectionate and caring when engaging in intercourse and this was incompatible with my personality and the way I treated my partners.

Two years ago I started gradually reducing the amount of pornography that I viewed. I define, "Pornography", as viewing any digital woman whom I view for the point of arousal. This would include soft/hardcore porn and any women whom I viewed on the computer for the point of arousal, including youtube, google searches, movies/TV shows, and dating website searches where I was viewing photos of women whom I am not otherwise interested in.

I'm very pleased with my gradual progress and haven't watched any of these forms of "pornography" in over two months, having watched conventional pornography twice in the past 7 months. I've also reduced the frequency with which I masturbate (without any pornography) to about once every 1.5 weeks. I recognize that I am not entirely free of these behaviors, but I seem to be moving gradually in a positive direction.

Despite the reduced pornography viewing and masturbation, I still experience side effects when I masturbate (even though I'm not using pornography of any sort). I can't sleep the night following masturbation, sometimes two nights, and I get twitches in my leg. I imagine that if I continue to gradually improve, this will slowly fade away. However, I've grown impatient of not being able to sleep every 1.5 weeks and want to be able to masturbate when I please. Additionally, I am concerned that if I find a partner, and I seem to be on the cusp of such a find, I will be engaging in intercourse more frequently than once every 1.5 weeks and that this will slow my recovery. I do not want to have trouble falling asleep after an enjoyable night with my partner.

So, I've decided that I need to avoid PMO for longer than 1.5 weeks at a time and this is a perfect time. I'll be sitting a 10 day meditation retreat in another month and a half, so I can put off sexual activities with my new potential partner until then! In total, this will get me about 2 months of no PMO. I'm hoping this will do the trick, or at least move me further along the path in a short period of time as compared to my current method.

I'm very thankful to be a part of this community and look forward to communicating, supporting, and being supported by you all. Best of luck.

Eric

 

Hi TheDancingPotato,

Thanks for liking my post and for commenting.

I'm glad you're having a positive experience in the community, I am too. I was reluctant to join such a community for a while, but I'm glad I have.

Thanks for your advice regarding the importance of socializing. I think this is an important one for me as I'm most definitely an introvert.

Re: how I feel after I meditate...sometimes I feel noticeably calmer and better, sometimes I feel about the same. It's a lot like exercise. Sometimes there's a noticeable differentce when you're finished, sometimes there isn't. However, research has shown (as it has with meditation) that a consistent exercise routine has wonderful health benefits. So, you continue doing it whether it makes you feel immediately better or not.

In fact, sometimes meditating is rather uncomfortable and challenging. If you experience this, don't think you're doing it wrong, you're actually doing it right. The real objective of meditation is to develop equanimity, or the ability to keep an even temper, have mental calmness, and have composure. Many people think it's strictly to help you relax, but this is not true of many meditation techniques. I'm going to try and post a bit of commentary on the relationship between meditation and porn soon, but I want to see what's already been posted on the site.

Here's my preliminary advice: Start simple. Set a daily goal of some short amount of time, say 5min or 10min, or even 2min. You want to have success and not be overwhelmed. Then, identify a precise time of day when you're going to sit. I recommend in the morning. You'll have to slightly change your routine to make time for this. Then, just get started. Don't have any expectations, just approach it with curiosity - "I wonder what I'll experience? What will I learn?". Don't get frustrated if you have a hard time focusing on your breath or whatever you decide to focus on. This is totally normal, even for experience practitioners. Your mind will wonder quite a bit, again this is normal. Just observe this phenomenon with equanimity - "Ah ha, there goes my mind again", then get back to the breath. As opposed to, "Man, there goes my mind again...I'm no good at this...I must be doing it wrong." The significant difference is that the first comment is just an observation without any judgement. The second is an observation with judgement. It takes time to learn how to do this, so when you do judge yourself, don't judge your judgements! Best of luck, and let me know if you have any questions.

Here are some great resources:
TedTalk - Meditation Research:
Inspirational Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/pico_iyer_the_art_of_stillness?language=en
Guided Meditations: http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

If you click on the last link, I think the best guided meditations are the short 5min one, as it's short and simple, and the, "Complete Meditation Instructions" which is 19min. I think this last one will help you start to understand and practice the concept of equanimity. Also, the best meditation instructions that I've ever read are within the book, "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying" from pages 57 - 85. However, more important than any intellectual understanding of meditation, is the practice. The most important thing is that you sit, that you experience meditation. This will be more important than any depth of understanding of meditation or anything that I or anyone else could tell you.

I see that you and I have started our timers at about the same time. Let's keep the streak going.

Eric

 

Hey BlackKnight,

Thanks for reading and responding to my post, and congratulations on being 21% complete your goal!

There are many ways to meditate and despite what many people think, you really can't do it wrong. If you have no experience or little experience, I would suggest this: Try to sit for 2-5min while focusing your attention on your breath. This will be surprisingly challenging, as you may wonder stuff like, "How do I keep my 'attention' on my breath? How do I know I'm doing it? If I'm asking these questions right now, is my attention really on my breath?" This is all well and good. Your objective is just to sit and observe whatever comes up. You might experience some physical sensation, maybe in your back or your knees. Just observe them, be curious about these sensations and try not to make sense of them. Just observe. Maybe you'll hear a noise...again, just observe, don't try to understand the noise; where it came from; etc;...just observe. Your objective is just to observe whatever arises. Whatever arises, will eventually pass. This is a major concept in meditation: impermanence. Everything is always changing, arising, and passing away. So if you feel good, great! But remember, it will not last, so why bother getting attached to this pleasant feeling? Just observe. If you feel uncomfortable or sad, bummer. But remember, it will not last, so why bother becoming upset? Just observe.

Personally, I'm a bit of an idealist/purist and think meditation should be done without guidance. However, at first I think guidance is great, as it helps focus your attention (see my post above to TheDancingPotato for some resources). However, I think it's also important to learn how to focus your attention without guidance. This takes longer, but is ultimately more valuable. It also depends on your objective. If you're meditating to relax, then if music or guidance helps, by all means, use them. If you're meditating to learn how your mind functions, then let it run free, naturally. Just don't get upset when you have trouble focusing it on your breath. Understand that this is entirely normal, so you're doing things right! It just takes time. Learning how to be patient with this is what this particular form of meditation is all about. If you're new to meditation, start with the 5min guided meditation in my post above. Once you've listened to that on a few different occasions and understand the instructions, try it on your own without any guidance. Be prepared to observe a wondering mind and do your best to be gentle with yourself; it's not easy. Eventually, work your way up to try the 19min, "Complete Meditation Instructions".

As for posture, whatever is comfortable and allows you to maintain a straight back. Many men, including myself, don't have the flexibility to sit on the floor with a straight back. I sit on a cushion, but I've been practicing yoga for a while and have improved my flexibility. A straight back is really important, so if you need to sit in a chair to maintain a straight back, then do so. Just be sure not scoot forward on the chair so that you're not leaning up against it.

Best of luck and let me know if you have any questions.

Eric

 

Hi Blacknight,

I finally got around to writing a post about meditation in general. Here it is, I hope you find it helpful:

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/meditation-how-it-helps-with-pmo.75062/

 

Hi Dancing Potatoe,

I finally got around to writing a post about meditation. Here it is. I hope it's helpful:

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/meditation-how-it-helps-with-pmo.75062/