First Post, New here. It's time.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by D R, Nov 22, 2019.

  1. D R

    D R Fapstronaut

    Hello All!
    New member here, though I've perused the site some years ago.
    I'm 38, and have had an addiction to masturbation since I was probably 8 or so. My first encounter with perversion was a playboy my stepdad hid at the bottom of the stack of magazines in the bathroom that I discovered when I was 5. I can still see that Christmas edition centerfold in my head. Ever since that time, the beautiful image of women has had me in its grip. I, like many my age, began masturbating only with non-nude photos in sears catalouges, and other underwear/bathing suit pics in magazines, and any softcore movies that might come on showtime, cinemax, or HBO late at night. I did not start using internet porn until around age of 18. My main issue is not the porn, or the psub pics, it is simply the masturbation.

    I realize now, that masturbation is my main addiction, for without it, I would have no use to oogle at images on a screen (or at women in real life.) I am a happily married man, and have been for 16 years. My wife knows of my masturbation/porn habit, but she certainly does not approve. Unfortunately, I did not tell her about it when we were dating, and she found out a year or so into our marriage when she caught me looking at porn on computer. She freaked. I told her I'd quit (thinking itd be easy,) and we moved on. 16 years later, I am still dealing with this issue. We recently had our 3rd child, and post partum is affecting her something fierce. She is distraught again over my porn habit, even though nothing has really changed with regards to the frequency of my use (never more than a couple times per week at most.) She is just sick of it. And frankly, so am I. I have been sick of this for a long, long time. Masturbation makes me feel shameful. Shameful to myself, to God, and to my wife. I hate feeling this shame, and often times I berate myself mentally, especially after a session (with or without pics.) "You're no good, you're such a loser...you will never stop, ever. You're such a pos, and so on and so on..."

    I want this to end. I have actually had a really good year this year, and have already had a streak of 4+ months with no porn or psubs, but still would masturbate. Masturbation always leads me back to pics. Swimsuits, underwear, skirts, yoga pants, or naked... those are my Achilles heel. I've seen plenty of videos, sure, but the pics is what really gets me. I'm definitely a voyeur, and it makes me feel terrible. I explain it away because, "well God made me this way, all men are attracted to hot females." Who cares. This is no longer an acceptable excuse, and I want to stop.

    Masturbation is my real addiction, and I'm here to make this finally end.
    Thank you all for reading, and thank you all for this website...what a fantastic work you are doing here.
     
  2. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    Getting Started Guide | How to Use the NoFap Forums | Panic Button | Day Counter | Rebooting Resources | Forum Rules | Glossary

    If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    You can also take part in one of the many challenges available. It can be a tremendous help. Challenges

    Also, there are groups you can also join if you wish to do so. You can browse through them here. Groups

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
    swordsman163 and D R like this.
  3. ItsInTheBag

    ItsInTheBag Fapstronaut

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    First of all, welcome, my friend!

    The good news is that you are sick enough, and especially if you put some "barriers" ("speed bumps") to give you some time between having that bad idea and being able to do the did...you're as good as free. Someone that really hates this will always consider the consequences before shutting off the brain and acting badly. Some need to hit rock-bottom first...hopefully you can either get rid of this habit before you do, or you already hit it, and it's only a matter of time until you beat this thing.

    Congrats, but we both know you can do better. Take your success as a motivation...a proof you are not "such a loser", "pos" and so on...

    Yep - sounds pretty familiar. OTOH, when those ideas first pop in your mind...it's a good time to kill them off. Do it before they grow.

    As with anything, "practice makes perfect", and you will one day realize there's been plenty of days since you last thought about the big M.
     
    D R likes this.
  4. D R

    D R Fapstronaut

    I appreciate you reading my post, and appreciate your encouraging words. Its amazing how much the thought (of looking and/or masturbating) has been in my head this past week. But I have been practicing moving my thoughts away to something else, as soon as they pop up....or "killing them off," as you stated. In a way its both easier and harder for me because I am married and still having sex. The "chaser effect" those talk about after having sex is super real, and it might be a tad easier to not have that (sex) around right now. OTOH, having sex with my wife is awesome, and what God intended I use my libido for.. I must keep reminding and training myself that sex in marriage (and not with myself and a computer) is what keeps my wife happy, God happy, and ultimately...ME happy.

    Its been a little eye opening not masturbating for over a week. I havent had any "I feel GREAATT" moments yet, but I am sure they will show up.. I honestly dont remember what my longest streak of not masturbating at all is. Not sure it really matters either, as all other streaks ultimately failed anyhow. I do know that this cannot be just some "streak," this is a permanent change I am making. Any sort of masturbation (outside of sex session with my wife) is just childish, adolescent behavior in my mind; and at 38 years of age, I'm ready to stop being such an adolescent. I have 3 boys I have to teach to become men, and the sooner this behavior is behind me, the sooner I will be able to help them when the situation arises. It most likely will within a few years, as my two oldest are 8 and 10. The time is now.

    This! ^ Its almost like I really never focused on the consequences before. I mean sure I've thought of them, and reminded myself of how badly I'd feel after a session, but never to such an extent that I truly am now. I KNOW how bad it hurts me. I KNOW how badly its killing my soul. I KNOW how badly it hurts my wife. (sure it helps that she still reminds me nearly every day right now, lol)

    Personally, I feel there are consequences, at least with me, even beyond what others report.
    I feel its hurt my relationship with God.
    I feel its hurt my relationship with myself.
    I feel its hurt my relationship with my children and my wife.
    I feel its hurt my body, physically (holding onto fat, unexplained lower back pain, groin pain, etc.....I feel the shame and guilt I carry and have carried because of this has truly affected me, and manifested itself physically.)

    So many areas in my life I will see improvement with this gone.
    Thanks again for communicating with me. It truly helps to be able to talk with others and not feel embarrassed about it.
     
    ItsInTheBag likes this.
  5. ItsInTheBag

    ItsInTheBag Fapstronaut

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    Spot-on!

    2 Corinthians 10:5 - New International Version (NIV) - "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

    Most of the time is in the context of PMO but I can see why it could be different for you. Just keep in mind other would almost kill to be in your position :), to have a legit provision for the pent-up sexual energy (other than the occasional wet dream).

    Yes! And you are to deprive each other of it only if you both agree, for a period of time. Since she knows about your addiction, she may be understanding, if you feel and tell her that abstaining could help your progress.

    Here's another blessing: you don't have a dead bedroom, which many men complain about.

    That is adult and manly attitude. Right on.

    More motivation!

    Ditto.

    I can relate to most of these.

    Sure, we're here one for another, and together reclaiming our masculinity. God bless!
     
    D R likes this.
  6. D R

    D R Fapstronaut

    And God Bless you, friend!
     
    ItsInTheBag likes this.

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