Hello All! New member here, though I've perused the site some years ago. I'm 38, and have had an addiction to masturbation since I was probably 8 or so. My first encounter with perversion was a playboy my stepdad hid at the bottom of the stack of magazines in the bathroom that I discovered when I was 5. I can still see that Christmas edition centerfold in my head. Ever since that time, the beautiful image of women has had me in its grip. I, like many my age, began masturbating only with non-nude photos in sears catalouges, and other underwear/bathing suit pics in magazines, and any softcore movies that might come on showtime, cinemax, or HBO late at night. I did not start using internet porn until around age of 18. My main issue is not the porn, or the psub pics, it is simply the masturbation. I realize now, that masturbation is my main addiction, for without it, I would have no use to oogle at images on a screen (or at women in real life.) I am a happily married man, and have been for 16 years. My wife knows of my masturbation/porn habit, but she certainly does not approve. Unfortunately, I did not tell her about it when we were dating, and she found out a year or so into our marriage when she caught me looking at porn on computer. She freaked. I told her I'd quit (thinking itd be easy,) and we moved on. 16 years later, I am still dealing with this issue. We recently had our 3rd child, and post partum is affecting her something fierce. She is distraught again over my porn habit, even though nothing has really changed with regards to the frequency of my use (never more than a couple times per week at most.) She is just sick of it. And frankly, so am I. I have been sick of this for a long, long time. Masturbation makes me feel shameful. Shameful to myself, to God, and to my wife. I hate feeling this shame, and often times I berate myself mentally, especially after a session (with or without pics.) "You're no good, you're such a loser...you will never stop, ever. You're such a pos, and so on and so on..." I want this to end. I have actually had a really good year this year, and have already had a streak of 4+ months with no porn or psubs, but still would masturbate. Masturbation always leads me back to pics. Swimsuits, underwear, skirts, yoga pants, or naked... those are my Achilles heel. I've seen plenty of videos, sure, but the pics is what really gets me. I'm definitely a voyeur, and it makes me feel terrible. I explain it away because, "well God made me this way, all men are attracted to hot females." Who cares. This is no longer an acceptable excuse, and I want to stop. Masturbation is my real addiction, and I'm here to make this finally end. Thank you all for reading, and thank you all for this website...what a fantastic work you are doing here.