First Post on the Forum - Let's Kill This Addiction

Hey all!

First of all I want to say that the nofap community is such a well educated, intelligent community and it feels good to have access to a such a group of people all driven towards self improvement!.

I'd like to explain my situation so far. My relationship with PMO goes to the age of 13 when I first discovered it. Since then, it has been a love hate relationship.. I've always felt I've been in control however. Maybe the odd few moments of shame and guilt when I've ventured into more adventurous categories of P. But I've always remained on top!. Not letting it ever govern the rest of my life.

Until recently however, when I've gone a bit too far. I've gotten into the damaging and crippling habit of paying for sexual encounters, not with prostitutes or escorts however, but with people I know. I've been seeking girls that I know, that have been open to be paid for sexual encounters.

I've never paid a girl for sex, instead these encounters have all been what I can describe as being short, degrading and humiliating encounters.. I've tried figuring out my thought process and all I can assume is that I some how get off on these humiliating and degrading experiences. I've spent countless hours trying to understand my thought pattern and what I need to do and I've come to this conclusion.

I am addicted to these encounters, I'm addicted to paying girls for cheap 10 minute thrills (which haven't been cheap overall!!) And it affects me in every day life. Everytime I've had these encounters I've always ended up depressed, anxious and full of shame and guilt. I need to stop!

It affects my self esteem and self image, i feel I lack discipline and will power and its draining! It's been a vicious circle for the past year for me and I can't seem to kick it! It consumes my mind and suddenly I can't seem to think rationally or logically.

Its ruining my relationship with others, its ruining my relationship with myself, I don't feel confident with my money that I can spend it smartly. If I could kick this addiction my life would be 1000x better.

This is my first post. But I have been attempting nofap for the past 6 months.. The most I've gone is a week or so. I probably give into my urge of paying girls about once a month and tonight I relapsed. I met a girl and she gave me articles of clothing which i paid for, say no more. I'm sure you get the picture

I need advice and support, I'm all about success and whatever I do I want to do it my best and be the best person I can be. This is stopping me from doing that and in order to progress in life, I NEED to kill this addiction!

Thanks for reading and i intend on posting regularly on my journey, no matter how hopeless this makes me feel. I will conquer this and come out the other side a better man. I'm always open for a chat with anyone so feel free to message me and we will do this together!

Thanks,
L.

'Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better.' - Emile Coue