First Post

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by 89_Keys, Jul 4, 2016.

  1. 89_Keys

    89_Keys Fapstronaut

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    Needless to say, I am new here, but I have been following this site and the subreddit for a few months now. I am a little hesitant about sharing my problem in the open (even on this website); it's not that I don't think I have a problem--which I know I do--but my first instinct has always been to white-knuckle my issues until they work themselves out. I have been avoiding posting on this site for two reasons: partly, I worry that diving into a community like this will only make my problems worse as if my anxieties were amplified by the echo-chamber of the crowd. And secondly, I worry about anonymity as I air my dirty laundry for the wider world. Indeed, part of porn's pleasure comes from its privacy; curtained off from the public performance of my daily life, it provides one last bastion of selfish and private pleasure. I suppose that is part of NoFap's power...we are not individuals dealing with porn in isolation (combatting our private porn habits with more privacy), but working together as a community (destabilizing porn's embeddedness in the private by making it public). Like many other NoFappers, the public light of this forum is not about sympathy but accountability. I want to be better.

    Like many here, I go through good and bad patches. For the first quarter of the year, I stayed clean for almost three months--an almost eight-year record for me. But that progress came crashing down in April, and I have had a hard time getting back. Recently, I confided to my partner about my struggles with pornography. I told her what I have been watching and the shame that I feel. She is one of the best things in my life, and I was afraid that she would not understand, afraid that she would leave me. But she didn't. Rather, she told me she understood, she empathized with me and has been helping me come up with a gameplan. Now, she monitors my internet activity and helps keep me honest.

    Despite her love and support, though, I relapsed again today. No matter how many technical (porn-blockers and other software) and social (partner accountability) roadblocks I set for myself, I continue to look and find pornography on the web. I suppose that you could say that up until now, I have been trying to treat my pornography habit by addressing the supply (the internet), but now I understand that I need to address the demand (myself). So, out of respect to my partner (and myself), I have decided to share my story today. I want to be part of this community, share my story, and listen to the triumphs and setbacks of others going through the same problems.

    I have spent a surprising amount of time on this post, but just writing it down has helped me sort through my feelings. Maybe there is something to this.

    Thanks for listening.
     
    TheSumOfAllBeers and AndySky180 like this.
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome! I'm glad you're here. Keep coming back, and don't be afraid to ask questions or for help.
     
  3. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Hey there & welcome. This really is a safe place, as you will discover. We're a tribe & you will find strong support, wisdom & down-to-earth advice here.

    What you said about realising it's all about you & what's going on inside - rather than the supply channels - is key.

    Spend some good time on here every day & also check out the links in my signature for some good pointers of where to start.

    yourbrainonporn.com will deepen your understanding of this addiction.

    Knowing WHY we gravitate towards porn is a big step towards recovery.

    Strength to you, warrior!

    T22.
     
    89_Keys likes this.
  4. Blockers and accountability mates are merely time givers. They allow you enough of a gap between thoughts of seeking and actual finding to have a think about what you are doing and changing your path. They are not there to stop you per se. We can all uninstall, find ways around them, jump on a device they are not on, etc. They are reminders, mate. Reminders to pause and think.

    This right here. Yes indeed, mate.

    There is. For a lot of us, the writing makes it a kind of tangible thing rather than fuzzy wuzzy thought drifting in and out. Writing it down solidifies it, makes it something you can go back to and review with clarity instead of trying to recall all the details and getting it wrong or incomplete.

    Best of luck to you.
     
    traveller22 likes this.
  5. traveller22

    traveller22 Fapstronaut

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    Good suggestions from TSOAB.

    T22.
     
  6. 89_Keys

    89_Keys Fapstronaut

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    Thanks and I appreciate the encouraging words.
     

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