First Steps

Hi All,

My first experience with porn was at the age of 11. I am now 22 and have been addicted to porn now for half of my life. It became apparent to me that I was addicted when I told myself I could stop anytime I wanted, but still found myself compulsively viewing every day.

Porn has drastically decreased my productivity, my energy levels, and my self-esteem. Whenever I am stressed I turn to porn, whenever I am bored I turn to porn, whenever I find myself alone I turn to porn. I have progressed to a point where I find myself enjoying hardcore bdsm, gangbang, and sado-masochistic pornography. I feel great shame after viewing these and yet I still go back to them. My view of sex has been distorted into a perverse power struggle of domination and submission rather then an intimate act of love between two souls.

I now find myself dating an incredible woman who is the love of my life, and yet I have experienced ED as well as the inability to orgasm during sex. She is incredibly attractive, and yet my porn addiction has turned sex into a voyeuristic sport where I am more content masturbating to the videos we have taken then to the actual act. She is the best thing to ever happen to me and even though she doesn't know about the extent of my addiction I fear that if I continue on the path I am on I will lose her and myself in the process.

I have never before admitted to my addiction, so I hope that this confession will mark my first steps towards recovery and a happier and more productive life.