First time I'm ever speaking up about relationships

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by AI7, Sep 18, 2021.

  1. AI7

    AI7 Fapstronaut

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    So guys this is one topic I have not really had a deep conversation with anyone and I'm at that age (25 years old) where I feel like I should explore this side of my life a bit more.

    I have been suffering from depression, anxiety and family trauma since a young age which lead to a lot of problems with conflict during school. I had to graduate at the age of 24 instead of 21 given my struggles during school but I managed to push through and graduate with a degree that I like. I am now in the "real world" where I'm looking to apply for jobs now. In terms of my mental health, things are getting much better since I have been seeking therapy and CBT which have helped me immensely.

    I'd say that me being in the education system for a long time has meant that I couldn't give much thought about relationships. At most I have had one night stands with girls and I've hooked up with during University. I've got female friends that are in relationships themselves and they've told me that I'm tall, dark and handsome, as well as being better looking than their boyfriends and 90% of men at our University. Many girls on a night out have done weird stuff like randomly coming to me and rubbing their hands through my hair, touching my face with their hands or just grabbing my hand and pulling me towards them. However, I was fapping a lot during university (and before university) to relieve stress from life and due to my mental health struggles (fapping is a symptom of mental health struggles such as depression and anxiety). I'd say that fapping has ruined my chances to get a relationship at the time.

    I'm not desperate for a relationship and I know my worth, I consider myself an ambitious individual who is looking to apply for top graduate jobs, going to the gym, eating healthy and wanting to enjoy life. I completely understand that relationships are tough and they require a lot of hard work. I've seen people who got stuck in a relationship and completely forget about their goals in life and wished they went back in time to achieve those goals. I would turn down relationships just for me to attain my goals and get what I want because I desperately want them. However, I consider myself "lost" about the idea of relationships and the fact that I never "studied" the concept in detail or have deep conversations about them with either family or friends. So I'm not too sure how to approach it properly or how to "get one".

    Unfortunately for me, I ended up experiencing hair loss after university at a rapid pace and I'm looking to get a hair transplant in the future and stay on medication for hair. So I don't feel comfortable enough to pursue a relationship at the moment which I'm fine with. I've technically got hair, but they are miniaturised so medication could potentially bring them back to life as well as a transplant. My main focus is on getting a job after university, save lots of money, go to the gym, eat healthy, commit to nofap, read books, spend time with friends and sort my hair loss out.

    I know it does seem weird me mentioning these struggles on a forum but I feel that this forum has a lot of people that are extremely friendly and would give you some good advice, sometimes you need to let out what you are feeling inside and to not keep them bottled up. I've not had a relationship before and people get extremely shocked when I tell them I've never had one. I've never met a girl who was so into me that she wanted to pursue a relationship with me. This doesn't upset me at all but I just feel like I need some advice with regards to this type of stuff. I'd really appreciate it.
     
  2. thedev

    thedev Fapstronaut

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    Yes, please, I encourage you to be open and share your struggles. That is the only way to move forward. I think the best solution for you would be to focus on yourself for a bit. Get a great job as you said, earn a decent wage, eat healthy and focus on what is important and necessary for YOU to achieve happiness. Girls will always be here, they are not going anywhere anytime soon, trust this. You gotta do you first. :cool:
     
  3. AI7

    AI7 Fapstronaut

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    Fully appreciate the comment my friend, I fully agree that a man's struggles should be addressed head on otherwise the problems will end up consuming his life negatively in the long run. I feel like I am on course with majority of this stuff like diet, going gym, applying for jobs (been a bit lazy recently), spending time with friends and finally just trying to be as happy as possible. Girls tend to be the ones who do the "choosing", so I must evolve and become the man I am destined to be and eventually things will fall into place.
     
  4. MindfulWarrior

    MindfulWarrior Fapstronaut

    Hi, sorry you're losing your hair, that sucks. I know what you're going through and I understand why you would want a hair transplant but I'm going to give you my (unsolicited) opinion from a place of love. I personally think a hair transplant might not be a good idea.

    Do you know what you're getting into? Many men don't exactly have realistic expectations. Here are a few points:

    Are you willing to get a transplant every 4 years or so? As you will keep losing hair.
    The hair which will be transplanted will grow extremely slowly, they won't be like your natural hair, watch some follow up videos on youtube which aren't sponsored, (the sponsored videos usually display good responders to the transplant, some men respond poorly, some better).
    You will need to take and apply medications each day to slow the process of losing hair, which are detrimental to health.
    You will need to keep this up for as long as you want hair.

    You will have this constant nagging fear of losing your hair, or it being not good enough. Therefore tying up your identity, self-worth to your hair, to some extent. This type of fear makes us very insecure, there is great wisdom and confidence in accepting ourselves the way we are, I personally shaved my head a few months ago and it was such a relief, I also realized it still looked cool short (I had long hair) and for now I'm enjoying having it short, until I feel it doesn't look good any more.

    Sorry I know it's a tough blow, I definitely encourage you to watch a few videos from this super wholesome dude on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Baldcafe/featured

    Good luck! You'll make the appropriate decision for you, either way, you'll be fine!
     
    AI7 likes this.
  5. Masturbation causes a loss of zinc, selenium, and other minerals. These minerals are important for hair and nails.

    Look at your nails: Do you see any white spots in them? Some people would call them "zinc spots" because they show a deficiency in zinc. The surgeons won't know much about minerals, and the hair specialists may be more focused on hormones, drugs, etc. Few medical professionals actually seem to know much about natural treatments, and the natural treatments can be far superior to the medical treatments upon which the doctors earn their living.

    Look up symptoms of zinc deficiency and of zinc toxicity. Either one is possible, depending on dietary and individual circumstances--but you're more likely deficient. If you lean deficient, take up to 50 mg. zinc a day for a few weeks and see what happens. Selenium is also a good one, if you happen to have access to it (it's not available in some countries). Just keep the toxicity symptoms in mind and if you notice your balance shifting that direction, reduce or drop the supplements. It should take more than several weeks, however, for this to be possible if you were deficient at the outset.

    Zinc also influences hormone production, which will affect energy levels and immune response. All of these factors may have some impact to your hair. Those who go through chemotherapy usually lose hair for awhile, but it comes back later as the body recovers. Your hair might recover on a similar principle if you focus on your total body health and having an in-shape immune system.

    One word of caution: Zinc is NOT a mineral to take on an empty stomach! Be sure to take it with meals. (It won't damage you, but you might lose it!)

    Hope this helps.
     
    AI7 likes this.
  6. AI7

    AI7 Fapstronaut

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    Hi mate, really appreciate your comment about hair loss. I do understand that some people may not respond properly to a hair transplant but at the moment I do not see myself being that guy who shaves his head and has a beard. At the moment I'm taking hair loss medication and I'm looking to get a transplant in the future as I want a full head of hair. I'm not too desperate for one and I will take my time with it but I'd say many people can have a successful transplant and a very few number of people respond quite poorly. For me, I need to take some vitamin tablets, have a healthy diet, quit smoking and go to the gym. It's mainly the crown area which needs a transplant and the front hairs are miniaturised so they need their thickness back. After a transplant, it takes one year for the hair to fully grow back to a length where it seems "normal". Based on my consultations from a number of surgeons, they've estimated that I need 2 transplant 12 months apart with a total of 4000-5000 grafts.
     
    MindfulWarrior likes this.
  7. AI7

    AI7 Fapstronaut

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    I have been taking zinc in the past but stopped taking the tablets. Today I'm going to go get some multivitamin tablets and look to consume those regularly for better hair growth.
     
  8. nfpexperiment

    nfpexperiment Fapstronaut

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    You are not alone in this, I grew up with friends who were too shy to talk openly about relationships, even my parents are shy, that is because of asian upbringing I guess.
     
    AI7 likes this.
  9. AI7

    AI7 Fapstronaut

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    I fully agree with you, most asian families are quite conservative and shy. This can be rectified with nofap and trying to keep moving forward with lots of practice with women. Eventually when you sort your life out with money, a car, dress sense and really putting yourself out there, I do believe girls will come running to you.
     

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