First time sex after quitting PM

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by jn75, Jun 27, 2020.

  1. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    Hello I am new here and confessed to my wife my problem. I immediately went into I guess what is flatline day 1. Been a hellish guilt ridden, anxiety ridden, dead below the waist week with zero sleep really although I don’t want to get out of bed. This morning I had a semi morning wood which is more than the rest of the week and my wife and I had sex. Too early? I want to be a better husband to her and sex partner but should I leave her alone for a bit? Not sure what to do. We’ve been together 10 years.
     
    JamesTheSquirrel likes this.
  2. Hello @jn75. How long are you into rebooting already? Having sex with your partner is something beautiful! There is nothing wrong about it and if you do not experience any chaser effect I think there is nothing that speaks against it. In the contrary, I believe it will help you rewire your brain and will get you and your SO closer together which is always good when fighting an addiction! :)
     
  3. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    I’m at a week and it’s been the worst week of my life. I just want to fulfill everything for my wife. Right now I can’t imagine a chaser effect as generally I don’t have a libido at all but Saturday mornings have been pretty common for us.
     
  4. Libzam

    Libzam Fapstronaut

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    I told my wife I needed 30 days and she's been very supported. At day 30 she noticed how much I've changed and how helpful I've been that she now given me another 30 days. I'm using my time to focus on myself and my fitness. Although I've damaged my ankle from running and spent 2 days resting. I'm on day 38/39 now gonna get to 90 before I have sex again. I hit flatline on day 11 and only just started getting morning wood again
     
    Rev2.0, Rafal and JamesTheSquirrel like this.
  5. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    That’s great man. I couldn’t imagine if my wife told me she was leaving. She is supporting me as well and will do whatever we decide is best to get me back to better than the old normal.
     
    Palbenja likes this.
  6. Iceman2552

    Iceman2552 Fapstronaut

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    I'm currently on a 55 day NoFap streak. My only orgasms were with my wife. And as the weeks went by I noticed such a difference in the sex. IMO I would keep having sex and obviously no PM. I feel like me channeling all my sexual energy towards her helped me tremendously. No porn even soft porn that might be on instagram or even women in bathing suits I cut all that out. Everything channeled towards her. Give it 3 weeks to a month you'll see a huge difference in how your brain reacts
     
  7. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    Awesome man! I’m hoping stuff improves as I’m having a lot of issues right now. Can’t believe I could do anything this morning as I’m basically paralyzed with insomnia anxiety low energy etc. you name it. I need sleep!
     
  8. Iceman2552

    Iceman2552 Fapstronaut

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    Try to jog more. Also research cold showers they work wonders especially first thing in the morning
     
    Libzam likes this.
  9. I can relate. I suffered from ED through porn, fear of failure and anxiety. For me having sex with my SO who I love while staying away from PM helped me a lot. A huge part recovering from lost libido is to regain confidence and security. Leaving porn away will be a huge boost showing you that you can control your behavior! Do not stress yourself while sex or are ashamed or scared if you cannot get hard completely. There are many ways you can pleasure each other without penetration. The most important thing is that you both have fun and enjoy each other. If you feel it is counterproductive though of course its also fine to tell your SO that you need some time as @Libzam did. There is no right or wrong here just what feels best for you personally. :)
     
  10. Libzam

    Libzam Fapstronaut

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    For me personally I've never really enjoyed sex throughout my life it was always oral or foreplay for me. I used to O so much when I was MO'ing that even O never felt great. Think that's why I wanna go the full 90days hard mode before my next O and my next O will be during penertration I will feel like I've lost my virginity loool
     
    tavla likes this.
  11. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    Still I get no sleep. Over the counter stuff doesn’t work very well and not sure I’m gonna be able to even work this week with how I feel mentally and physically. I may have to take a leave from work until the worst
    Of the stuff passes or I get some sleep. The anxiety and Insomnia are horrible. A nonexistent boner wouldn’t bother as much if the other stuff subsided. I know this takes some time but damn.
     
  12. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    Had a spontaneous erection like I never felt since I was a kid at 2am this morning. Had to wake the wife up! Haven’t looked at porn in 9-10 days now. Still need work on my thought life but trying to channel all that to my wife.
     
  13. Ekalb

    Ekalb Fapstronaut
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    You are overthinking. You are married. What is the problem with married sex?
     
  14. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    Nothing. I jut need to quit the pornography and didn’t know if that possibly interferes. I have pretty severe withdrawal symptoms from it.
     
  15. Ekalb

    Ekalb Fapstronaut
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    Agreed. Why confess your turn ons to a stupid robot, when you can share that with your beautiful wife?
     
    978twentytwo likes this.
  16. sam30

    sam30 Fapstronaut

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    i am feeling the same as you. I am on day 13 feeling the anxiety and everything. I go sleep early then wake up 3 hours later and can not get back to sleep to the sun comes out.
     
  17. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

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    I'm on 90 days hardmode, so no O for me.
    I've told my wifr i the beginning, that does not mean she cannot have sex.
    It is hard to let go and let her decide when and what but extremely satisfying to let go of self and be ther for your SO.
     
  18. sam30

    sam30 Fapstronaut

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    what kind f woithdrawal symtoms do you get?
     
  19. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    Insomnia, no libido, social anxiety, unwanted thoughts, etc. you name it. I lifted weights, fished all the time, worked on rental properties, worked 40 + hrs a week in a social environment and that has been flipped 180. I don’t enjoy anything and am exhausted right now. My life has been put on hold it seems.
     

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