First-time sex after reboot

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Ihateflatlines, Mar 19, 2018.

  1. Ihateflatlines

    Ihateflatlines Fapstronaut

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    Hi everybody, tonight I had sex for the first time after my reboot.

    Please note this post mat contain potential TRIGGERS.

    Quick background

    I’m 28 and first found out I had PIED when I was 25. I did some reboots, but fell back into PMO. I then was in a relationship for a year and didn’t watch any porn during this time, although I constantly engaged in porn subs (pictures of bikini models and similar stuff): I was really aroused by my gf of the time but, probably because of the porn subs, sex wasn’t great (I would sometimes go soft during intercourse and enjoyed oral sex much more than penetration - and I could tell she wasn’t often that much pleased by penetration) which contributed to the end of the relationship.

    I then got a bit more serious and, after a 120+ days hard-mode reboot, I felt healed, but didn’t have the opportunity to try sex and ended up relapsing again.

    You can find out more about my story at this post: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/no-progress-after-90-days-am-i-in-a-flatline.125557/

    Update and experience

    Lately I’ve been doing more of a soft-mode reboot. I haven’t watched porn since October and haven't masturbated for the last 16 days.

    I’ve been seeing a girl for a few weeks and went to her place yesterday night.

    As a side note, the last time I was sexually with a girl was more than a year ago.

    We fooled around for a while and then I came pretty fast from oral (guess that’s because I hadn’t orgasmed in a while).

    This morning, however, we tried penetration. I was hard enough to penetrate and orgasm (not as quickly as the night before, but I didn’t really last long), but I definitely wasn’t as hard as I hoped. Again I think I enjoyed the oral from the night before more than the penetration (which I don’t think is a great sign).

    I kind of had the same feeling I used to have when having sex with my (see above): it just didn’t feel super great, even if I orgasmed.

    Your view

    What do you think about all of this? Do you think I just need to get used to sex again?

    I was hoping to make some progress if I continue to experience actual sex with a real girl. But on the other side, I feel it would have been better, if I had a longer streak.
     
  2. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, just in short:
    I think having more sex will start helping you connect and relax with the experience. Allowing you to focus more on the other person more than on how you're performing yourself.
    Keep doing it, and put the focus on how you're giving pleasure to the other person. Maybe you can try oral yourself, masturbation, kissing, licking...etc. understand that your erection secondary for having pleasure or enjoying sex.
    If you can, you can let the other person know about some kind of "insecurity with yourself that it's not allowing you to completely relax and have great sex" BUT if she is patient and you both try to forget about the issue things will improve.
    This will take some pressure of yourself.

    Here is a quote from a long post of mine, but it definitely helped me resolve my anxiety issues.

     
  3. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    (Last part is not a quote)
     
  4. Ihateflatlines

    Ihateflatlines Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, man. That is what I was hoping, that experiencing actual sex may help me made progress. After all, I’ve been “out of the game” for way too long and thought it was about time I started trying.
     
  5. Ihateflatlines

    Ihateflatlines Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I had another sexual encounter and I keep having all sorts of problems.

    I either came way too quickly (and had a hard time controlling my orgasms - which I could do in the past) or, if I tried to last longer, I had problems keeping my erection after a while.

    This hapenned really late at night after I had probably too much alcohool and when I was physically really tired.

    Still, I’m wondering whether I would be better off postponing sex for a while and doing a hard-mode reboot for a few months (with no porn, no sex and, most importantly for me, no masturbation) until I feel my libido is really strongly back.

    Right now I do get erect in sexual situations, but I don’t get a lot of morning wood lately. I haven’t watched any porn in 5 months (and before that time I had several long streaks of no porn), but over the last couple of months I have probably masturbated way too much (but not compulsively, I’d say once every 2-3 days).

    Do you guys feel that masturbation may be hindering my recovery?

    It’s kind of frustrating, it feels like this nightmare is never going to end. I can’t even remember what good sex feels like.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2018
  6. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, I would cut masturbation and leave out alcohol or weed. You need to be really conscious about how you deal with these situations and specially you'll need to be extra aware of everything. Any substance that makes you less conscious is not helping you out here.
    Cutting masturbation will help you in having more sexual energy to release during sex and will increase your drive.
    If I were you I would keep having sex, but being extra conscious about the whole process in order to fix yourself up as you go. I think that if you abstain you'll have to deal with these issues the moment you come back to have sex again.
     
  7. Ihateflatlines

    Ihateflatlines Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your reply. Just to avoid any confusion, I don’t do drugs and don’t usually drink a lot of alcohol. I just had dinner with friends and drank a few glasses of wine: it may have been more than I’m used to (I never drink, except if I go out with friends), but it’s just to say it’s not something that is constantly affecting my body.

    I am cutting out masturbation for sure. What surprises me is that it’s not like I masturbated the day before I had sex. I hadn’t masturbated for 15-20 days and hadn’t orgasmed in 4.

    I may be wrong on this (and I know nobody really understands how this works), but from this experience I feel that at this stage orgasm through sex does affect my libido and morning wood. At the end of my last gest streak, I got regular morning wood and my libido was to the roof. You do raise a fair point, however, when you say I may end up having to deal with this issues later, if I abstain from sex for a while and go through another reboot.

    I won’t have any opportunity for sex for a couple of weeks now. Guess I should take this time to see how my body reacts (morning wood, libido, etc.) and then make a final decision on what to do. In the meanwhile, no masturbation and possibly no sex thought whatsoever.
     
  8. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    How’s your progress been?
     
  9. thel00ker

    thel00ker Fapstronaut

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    Hey man you talk as if he is murdering someone or cheating in a major way. he is here just trying to figure all this out like the rest of us. I'm sure he is not getting into Nofap to be judged. We all have our own time and our own things to learn and i'm sure he is making an effort to go through it.

    If you're LOL'ing at what he writes, how is he going to feel encouraged and supported by the Nofap community. Don't make people feel shame or stupid just tu make a point.
     
    Red79 likes this.

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