First year of college (A short history of triumphs and tragedies)

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by JLThomas, Mar 14, 2019.

  1. JLThomas

    JLThomas New Fapstronaut

    First of all, I'm not English speaker, so sorry if I do some big mistakes.

    It has been a tough year, well, just 6 months. I already passed all my subjects from the first quarter. I moved from my little town, to other city far away from my home, and at the same time, i found out about pmo and i have been trying it, some months more than others.

    The reason why I always fall is the same, I feel rejected by my university partners. At the beginning everything was fine, I was the friend of everyone and I even slept with a girl in her apartment. Untill oneday that everything fell. The girl which I was flirting became from my joy to make me feel like shit. I'm not rich at all, so im kinda short of money some days of the month, so oneday, we were just walking with other friend, and they said about going to the cinema and I couldn't go because I couldn't allow it and they know it because im always the same and I already told them, so they say, "Let's invite (name of other friend) and if he says no, we invite(I don't know exactly how to say it on English, but they mean to pay his ticket) him", in front of me, the same girl that was hugged to me while we were sleeping, just 10s after I told them I didn't had money, so in that moment I decided to go far from them, that was the last thing they would make again(not the first nor the second... it became very toxic from before) .

    I never understand what happened, but like I'm on informatics engineering, there is few girls and the group that we formed she was in there, so words of the friend that was closer to us, " you know, there is few girls here, so if we choose the girl over you no wonder why", so little by little, all of I considered "friends" were getting far from me, letting me alone in the classes once all groups were formed and I couldn't join anywhere else.

    So I just could isolate from the world, it happened 3 or 4 months, and everything keeps the same. I try to be the happier I can, but when I can only talk with my roommates, a little by night is so sad and frustrating so I end up looking for some comfort on porn or any other bullshit. The last christmas, I returned home, and I almost cried when I saw my parents, and I did cry when I met with my old friends, I really needed that warm feeling of someone caring about you. But I must finished my year, (only 2 more months).

    I don't know if someone would ever read this, with all my grammar fails and misspelling, or if someone would care, I just needed to talk of this with someone else, I can't even tell this to my closest friends because that would be very pathetic from me. I mean, not even me can stand the idea of walking in silence and be quiet all day, when I'm not shy, I just feel lost, confused and alone.
    Deleted Account and Mankrik like this.
  2. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

    Im in my second year of college and still have never been in a relationship or kissed a girl. Going away to school can be hard and I suffer from a lack of intimacy in my life that goes beyond sexual pleasure. School is still a new and unkown environment and things dont feel the same when i go back home. Im lonely and don't just want sex but to have a woman in my life that I can truly love and spend time with on a personal and human level. The girl that I liked and had been friends with for years left me for someone else after we only went on a couple dates. I turned to drugs and pmo but still felt empty inside. I'm trying to live a pure life again and have become more social but have had no luck when asking girls out. I wish I could offer comfort or advice but I'm feeling lost and alone in a similar situation. I'm not giving up or feeling sorry for myself and am going to stay positive and keep trying to be the best version of myself but it's hard you know? I wish I could quit living a demanding fast paced life constantly feeling lonely and under pressure but I still haven't found what works. I just want to find love and enjoy life and spend time in nature but I feel bound by endless duties and responsibilities. Finding love is still what motivates me most but it seems hopeless at times. All my good habits are so I can find love and all my bad ones are to help me forget that I haven't. I feel burdened by things beyond my control but I still believe good things will happen if I continue to try to be the best person I can. Hang in there stay optimistic and don't lose hope or the drive to find someone to love or to build deeper and more personal relationships. It's frustrating because I know what I want in life but I don't know how to achieve it. People are the most important thing to me and bring me the most happiness but I often feel different and excluded and am afraid to be myself even around the people closest to me that I care about most. I continue to recognize that I am holding myself back but don't know how to change. I have too many thoughts and not enough feelings. I want to be able to laugh and cry and love and be loved but I continue to drift through life without feeling like I can be fully open with others. I hope this is not my fate and I can find happiness through more intimate relationships with others but I still don't know how and it still hasn't happened despite my continuous efforts. Never going to quit trying though my lover and dear friends are out there we just haven't discovered each other yet.
  3. PhoneixSoul

    PhoneixSoul Fapstronaut

    I read your post, and i appreciate your decision to go far from your toxic friends.. i won't advice you, because i feel the same, and this is my second day in this journey, we can talk and support each other if you want, it's better to not be alone..

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