Fixing what i broke

Okay so not sure if I mentioned this in any of my other posts but one of my things I would do to get off is post girls i know in chat rooms and on forums etc done it from when I was 18 back in 2013 at first it was just my ex who I split up with I think it was maybe down to a resentment because how it ended (she cheated) but even during our 1 year relationship we never had sex I always made excuses as to why when now I know it was because I was masturbating ALOT and have done probably since I was 11, but from then it got to the point where I would post other girls, my friends gfs, girls I had on social media it went on for years but I realised I was falling deeper into what I was doing sharing there real names and having phone wanks with other men about them which is weird in itself when you think about it. Earlier this year my guilt started over these things building up gradually, in April I started talking to a girl and would you know it I don’t the same with her and she was a great girl didn’t deserve that at all, NONE of them did! But in July I started messaging other men she had on her Facebook trying to find out dirty information on her from a fake Facebook account I don’t know why it turned me on at the time but had any of the guys gave me information I would of felt so bad, jealous and sad. Anyway she found out but didn’t know who was doing it at this point we were still talking had been 3 months and we were going to meet when she found out she was so scared and upset that someone was stalking her, I knew it was me but didn’t tell her because I didn’t want to lose her about 2 weeks later she ghosted me haven’t heard from her since I guess that’s Karma for you! But since then Iv tried multiple streaks haven’t got far but last week I went through all the posts of the girls I shared over the last 7 years and either removed them myself or contacted mods to get rid of them some were hesitant to remove so I had to make several fake emails to pretend to be the females in the images to have them removed I thought I had been making fake emails over the years to do wrong why not do it to somewhat right the wrongs even though I feel I will never have forgiveness for that it’s a effort i needed to make to make it somewhat less evil, one of the forums wouldn’t delete so I had to lie and say some of the girls were underage which they WERENT but it was the only way I could think for them to delete them it put myself at risk but after what I had done the last 7 years it was a sacrifice I felt I needed to make to get these women off the internet! I hope to be a better person I’m struggling and having temptations I’m on day 5 hard mode.

 

Thank you I should never have done it in the first place however

 

One of the driving factors for the realisation was this woman I mention in my post, so even though she ghosted me I know I wronged her even if she is unaware and even 3 months on I still think of her a lot, another thing is if I was to continue on that road not only am I hurting others but if I was ever to have a wife and kids it’s not the kind of man I want around them or they deserve so I have to become the man deserving of these things with no hidden life