Flatline during hard mode

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by fizzy89, Mar 26, 2019.

  1. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    Day 44, hard mode.

    I would have never considered having a porn addiction but I have ED probably because of masturbating. I started hard mode since I met my new girlfriend 44 days ago.
    I have no problems abstaining from porn and masturbation. The problem: I don't really want to have sex...:/ loss of libido, I think this is described as "flatline".

    I had sex twice with her and it was okay, not rock hard, only semi.
    I have occasional morning wood but I feel it is getting better.
    Yesterday (day 43) I had my first wet dream.

    Are these common signs of improvement?
    Am I on the right track?

    My girlfriend knows about it and is VERY supportive, which is great. But it sucks so hard, when you are fresh in love but can't please her fully :( And it makes me feel really depressed and I even question if I really love her, which I am certain I do but when she touches you and nothing happens, you really wonder why... I find her very attractive and sexy, that confuses me even more.

    Is this flatline common and will it end? At the moment, I feel like it is putting a strain on me and the relationship :(

    I hope you guys can help me! :)

    EDIT: I am 29 years old
     
  2. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Why do you think that? What do you mean by it?

    Aren't you supposed to get used to real sex again? So trying with your gf should be a good thing?!
     
  3. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi Fizzy !

    Try to relax a bit. I understand this is stressful, but worrying about performance generally results in even poorer performance. It great that you have a supportive partner ! That will really help.

    Consider this: with PMO you learned to become stimulated by certain images and physical actions. If you are like many (some would say most ...) then the intensity of both the images and the physical actions had to increase to get you stimulated. Your body learned to "require" increasingly intense stimulation to perform. That level of stimulation is not normal and its certainly different that what happens with your partner. Your body and mind need to re-learn what is appropriate stimulation and get comfortable and accustomed to that level of intensity (it will work just fine and be even better than PMO could possibly ever be !) The "re-learning" period is why some say that 30 days or longer of hard mode is needed for a re-boot. Doing 30 days or more hard mode is certainly one way of rebooting but its likely not the only way. You may want to consider a somewhat modified approach: No P and no solo M. O only with your partner, preferably by PIV. (Check out the glossary for terms if you need clarification). Your re-learning and reboot may take a bit longer than if hard-mode, but it should work, especially since you have a supportive partner.

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
    drkarim likes this.
  4. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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  5. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi 'Fizzy

    Keep going. You're doing great. And don't forget to thank your girlfriend for being supportive; having her as part of the healing will really help you both !


    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  6. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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  7. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi 'Fizzy

    Stay on course. You know how. You know why. You know how to be successful on this journey. Do it !

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  8. Lawendoski

    Lawendoski Fapstronaut

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    Hey fizzy89!
    It is time that you realize that everything happening around you is just the consequences and of course you love yoir girlfriend and mate you have absolute geniune feelings even i get those you should be thankfull to happen to be able to have sex!
     
  9. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Cheers guys!
    Here is a little update:

    About 2 weeks ago I was able to have sex 3 days in a row, on one occasion even twice within an hour :)

    However, all of a sudden it stopped working again and so my confidence and libido deteriorated rapidly.
    This whole week, nothing worked!! I am so frustrated... it hurts so much, you feel so weak :(

    2 weeks ago I thought I was healed and now this! :(
     
  10. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi 'Fizzy
    Our bodies and our minds are complicated things. Sometimes they just don't seem to be performing or behaving in ways to which we've come to expect.

    You've seen benefits, and your body worked well multiple times, so that should reassure you that you've made clear progress on healing. What does the current behavior mean ? It may be that you need further time to get further healed. Stay on track. You KNOW how to do this and you KNOW that it works. Its perfectly understandable to feel frustrated at what appears to be a setback, but I'd offer a different view: You've made tremendous progress so far ... it may not be perfect yet, but its certainly a LOT better than before. Continue your journey of healing and there will be additional gains and reasons to cheer ! In the meantime, relax a bit, especially when with your gf. Trying "too hard" can (and does) often mess with our minds and that in turn can lead to negatives in performance !

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
  11. drkarim

    drkarim Fapstronaut

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    How does she beeing horny helped u?
     
  12. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    But you see, this is exactly what puts me under pressure! Knowing, that most likely I will not be able to please her... And I can see her disappointment :(
     
  13. drkarim

    drkarim Fapstronaut

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    What exactly can be done to please her without a boner? Because i wa t to do it with mg current supportive gf?
     
  14. drkarim

    drkarim Fapstronaut

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    Okay got you
     
  15. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Hi 'Fizzy !

    In your post on March 26, your wrote that your gf was aware of your journey and very supportive. Now you feel she's disappointed in your troubles. There may be a certain amount of physical disappointment on her part, but I strongly suspect that the reason she may appear disappointed is that you may be showing your frustration about performance or lack of it. Frankly, she's likely just very concerned about you and your feelings - that is very likely given that you know she understand your journey and is very supportive.

    So ...

    I've suggested before that you relax a bit. Stop worrying about performance and worrying whether your gf will be satisfied with your performance. Instead of focusing on PIV and what will happen, try focusing instead on how fantastic it is to be with someone that really cares about you and is there to support you and to help you. You are very fortunate to have such a great gf. You really are BOTH on this journey. Take the trip together. If you are feeling frustrated, talk to her about it. Hold her and enjoy being together. This is a time for healing, not anything else. Focus on all that is good and great about being together; that is the foundation of intimacy. Strengthening your bonds is a core of healing.

    You ARE healing. It takes some time. It never goes as fast, or as smoothly as we'd all hope, but healing DOES happen.

    Stay the course. You'll be fine. Your gf will also be fine. Most importantly, you'll be fine together !

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys, your support really helps! :)
     
    bfdet likes this.
  17. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    TRIGGER WARNING

    I am really at a loss now...

    No matter what I try, nothing works. More and more I think this is not about any kind of potential porn addiction at all. I just don't get aroused no matter what. It's not only in bed with my gf, it is everywhere. Watching a sex scene in a movie for example would usually get me excited or watching a hot girl on the streets. But now, nothing.

    My gf is as wet as possible, lying in front of me with spread legs, craving for my cock and my dick just couldn't care less!
    When we make out, I somehow get "bored" not excited. My head wants to have sex, because I love the feeling of cumming inside a pussy and the dopamine etc but my body doesn't want to. I can't control this, but I think she has a hot body, definitely a body that would have got me excited without problems in the past.

    I don't see any benefits of nofap either. Quite the contrary, I feel worse and worse each day at the moment.

    I also don't think I ever had an addiction to porn, yes I would jerk off to it but not because I felt the need to, but rather because I was bored and it was easier than fantasizing. Sometimes I would do it once a day, sometimes only twice a week.
    Not watching porn at all any more is also pretty easy and not really a challenge either. Is this how you would feel if you are an addict that is on rehab? I also don't even feel the need to touch myself at all. I don't have the DESIRE to masturbate!

    More and more I feel this is something else and has nothing to do with watching porn. This makes me extremely worried of course, because I am 29 and way too young to becoming impotent or any of that stuff.

    I am a good looking guy, have a good job, friends, athletic, intelligent, confident and a good looking gf that wants me every night basically.

    Sorry for sounding so depressed but I am really worried that I will not have a fulfilling sex life any more :(
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2019
    Anonymous86 likes this.
  18. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for taking the time to read the post and the positive feedback :)
     
  19. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

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    Fizzy !

    Good grief man, relax ! The more you worry about whether you are OK the more your body is going to NOT respond favorably. If you have ANY concerns that there may be a medical / physical basis for your difficulty, make an appointment with a medical professional to get checked out. Explain to the Dr. your concerns and how your body is behaving. Some tests (hormone level, etc) may be appropriate. If the results come back that there is not a physical explanation, then cross THAT off your "worry list" and get it out of your mind. Then pause a minute and think a bit. One potential thought is that if your troubles don't have a physical basis, there is likely a psychological basis. Why is there an issue ? Is your body and mind desensitized from PMO - even though you might not think so ? Is there some other reason ? Fear of psychological vulnerability and intimacy (not physical intimacy - but true intimacy on a very emotional internal level) ?

    If its not hard for you to avoid PMO, why not simply avoid it ? A no PMO lifestyle won't hurt you and you may be surprised - it may help you.

    Read some postings about flatline. We all have periods where we really don't have much interest in P, in M, in O and it seems our body just doesn't care whether we ever O again, however prompted. Might flatline be what is going on with you ?

    ...
    And finally, echoing @go4aRUN comments: please consider being a bit less graphic in your posts. While your post wasn't a trigger for me, it very likely could be for others. Thanks in advance for your understanding. (If you feel you must post information that may be triggering, there are ways to identify the post as containing potential triggers so that some potential readers can skip that post.)
     
    Anonymous86 likes this.
  20. fizzy89

    fizzy89 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bfdet!

    It is just so dissatisfying and frustrating, sometimes it boils over and you have to let it out...

    Funny enough, last night I had my second wet dream since I started hard mode... it feels very weird to wake up with your shorts full of cum. It seems my body wanted to get rid of it, but why not give me a boner instead for christ sake!
     

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