Flirting with male colleague got very messy, advice from guys?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by green lion eating the sun, Aug 23, 2021.

  1. it all started when 1 month and a half ago I started talking with him when he was in the area where i work. I noticed already he was attracted to me and I got drawn to him and I was feeling very curious about him

    I started asking him about the tattoos on his arm, he joked about them, then I started rubbing my hand on another tattoo he had under the sleeve of his work t shirt and then I got lost into feeling a bit of his muscles and then we stayed silent until we both had to go back to work.

    it was intense flirting, the tension between us was great. This interaction woke my libido up like a vulcano after a long time almost 2 years of pretty much no libido at all that allows me to stay sober but i still need my libido sometimes

    After this, I started avoiding him trying to stay professional. I did this in a very awkward way. I started getting shy and awkward only with him (for example when one time he said hi to me on the stairs i said hi back but then run away in the opposite direction and I looked very anxious)

    Shortly after this, a colleague made me realize that everyone at work knew i liked him because i was shy and awkward only with him. Another male colleague started singing love songs when me and the colleague that I flirted with was around me

    His behaviour during this time with me? We flirted but push and pull 90% from me because I was debating if I should have let it progress a bit, also if he liked me and wasn't a f.boy

    the progress would have been max making out with him but no s. considering that I am s. addict and by having s. my addiction somehow would come out and I don't want all my colleagues and managers to know how i am in bed because people gossip at work like crazy and then your reputation is ruined whether they spread the truth or a lie

    also the other guys in front of me would ask about other girls to him and when we were talking he would mention them but without saying he was being with any girl but when we were not talking he would be more like hinting at the fact that maybe he was having success with tons of girls that I find overexaggerated and he is not objectively a super handsome guy so it looks like far from reality

    also he,(what I thought at the time was a coincidence) once followed me on my break after i spoke i was going to break in that moment or many times he waited for me to close the workplace and left with me and few other colleagues. and he could have left the workplace at least an hour earlier so he waited for me on purpose but i did not want to talk to him in front of a manager. i would have wanted to talk to him alone but chance of that was more than rare

    next day after touching his arm, I did not know how to act and I kinda ignored him, he ignored me too but i saw he was looking at me talking with other colleagues. Then another day we flirted again and he said something about a club where people dance a lot and f. each other with another male colleague in front of me. when the other guy said "but you like that place" he kinda said no

    one day he openly flirted with another female colleague in front of me. I didn't like it at all and he also was making fun and shitting over what i did at work but then when i went on my break he was there clearly waiting for me and then waited to get out of work when i finished and he could have left much earlier

    things changed when 1 month ago the day after he flirted with another female colleague, I decided to stop talking to him and started avoiding any physical contact. He was very pissed off by it and was also mad because due to my work he earned less

    The next shift he fully ignored me and was very mad at me but when another male colleague asked when he would see me next and the colleague that i flirted with turned around to listen to my answer so I thought he was lowkey still pro flirting. Then he was absent from work for 2 weeks

    I thought he left the job and I though that getting his number would have been the only option to communicate just me and him and fix the fact the last days we saw each other i started ignoring and then he did too and he was mad and i was mad

    I was craving still the s. tension we had when i touched his arm and slow played flirting. I made the huge mistake of asking for his number from a male colleague and asked if he quit his job and they are pretty good friends so I am sure they taked about me texting him

    I texted him simply "hi colleague". He never read it, no reply. I guess me texting him and getting his number from someone else sounded extremely desperate

    When I saw him at work after he ignored my text, he had a huge smile on his face. you could see he was enjoying the fact that he rejected my text. we ignored each other but he looked at me while i was going upstairs I don't know why

    then following shift he says hello and tries to talk to me and we talk but i couldn't avoid lowkey flirting and he did it too, big smile but he never helped me (i got locked out of a door and sent the text for help in the group chat, the mananger helped me he did not). it was def flirting. since he came back to work he flirted and checked me out much less than before

    then after a few days i asked to talk to him for a few seconds and took him to a place at work where we could be alone and he was clearly caught off guard and I told him why he ignored my text and then kept talking to me after?

    he didn't look forced at all but i still asked "is it because we have to work together?". he kinda said "normal, it's nothing and that he is not on his phone often". i was feeling shit when he said it and i literally said oh it's fine and i left the workplace immediately

    next time i saw him after "I am not on my phone often" it was at a work meeting (last weekend). in the meantime he posted texts on the work group chat just for the first time after a month and a half since i joined the team. almost everytime i sent texts to the group chat he read them immediately after. maybe that was a coincidence

    at the meeting i decided to wear something that would have been super flattering for me and basically make him wish he replied to my text and did not reject me. he came late to the meeting and sat behind me and did not try to talk to me but i clearly did not want to talk to him. i don't even think he saw me. other male colleagues and managers checked me out. I don't get it, i have never been rejected by any guy before

    then yesterday i saw him at work again and it was horrible. he was trying to find ways to be where i work but he was close or talking to the other people and the 2 other girls i stricly work with even though they got bfs. they get hit on too but they are sweet at work i am like pretty rude while working and private

    he was being around me just to irritate me and i was trying to be as far as possible from him. he did not look at me at all except when for example one of his friends and colleague told me something about work and was basically saying why did i not get it, hinting vaguely if i was dumb and the guy that rejected me was smiling about it enjoying it all

    he just said 2 things about work to me and i replied but nothing else. he was literally bragging about rejecting me. even his friend at work checked me out even yesterday, the guy i flirted with acted as if he was 100% indifferent

    what does all his behaviour mean? and how do i make him stop being a jer.k to me? I also don't get respected at work. my self esteem especially after having been rejected is nonexistent. I am like a carpet keeping my head down at work and barely keeping eye contact with my colleagues and managers

    i am 29 f (even though usually people think i am 25) and he is i think 25. Just getting rejected by someone much younger than me it is humiliating. what is the best way for me to deal with him and get my pride and respect back?

    I was feeling miserable yesterday and i need to keep this job but I can't go on with him like this
  2. BreakingShadows

    BreakingShadows Fapstronaut

    Are you sure you aren't reading into this too much? You said yourself that you have never been rejected by any guys. Perhaps he realized this and feels like he's in a unique position just to screw with you. On the other hand, if he's flirting with other girls in front of you then he might be trying to make you jealous. To me it sounds like he's just toying with people and not really committed to the idea of a serious relationship.
    Vanquisher12 likes this.
  3. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    Attraction is not a choice.

    Woman know when a man like them

    Again, attraction is not a choice. He clicked your buttons.

    When a woman like a man, she wants to feel his streagth, physically and mentally. Is normal for a woman to want to touch the man she likes and be as close as him as she can.

    When a woman likes a man is pretty obvius. She makes it pretty clear so the man do something about it. In this case you were so obvious that everyone in the office knew about it.

    That's why is better to don't date people from work. There's millon people out there to date.
    I know attraction is not a choice and you desire this man, but there's also self control. You are the one choosing to act or not.

    Is not all been handsome to be attractive.. remember you are crazy about this guy.. maybe other girls are also crazy about him.

    He is free to do that.. time passed and nothing happend between the both of you. He is single and able to date other woman. Maybe he was doing it on purpose.. you will never know.

    He don't have his shit together. That's a red flag. Been rejected is part of life. Acept it and move on. A man that have his shit together is not going to react like this.

    If you are doing a bad work, then is ok to feel profesionally mad about you becaue you are making loose money. If he is mad that you make more money than him, then he is an unsecure guy.. another red flag.

    Attraction 101. You chased after him, no matter all that bad behaviour he had. He pushed your buttons like no other man.

    Exactly, atraction is not a choice. YOu are still atracted to this guy.

    Is not a mistake. Is just what woman do when they really like a guy. They chase after them, no matter what.

    You put yourselve in his orbit in hopes something happens, in hopes he finally ask you out to be alone and see what happens... But it seams that he wasn't into you anymore so he ignored you. Maybe he was still pissed of by you, and this was he's way to punish you.

    Maybe he was having a great day, don't take it so personal.

    Again, you send a text to the group for help. But you really wanted his help. You are still looking his attention and validation. And he is not giving it to you. This is driving you crazy and making you do more and more. You are also geting frustrared.

    Yes! this is what happens. No more been sutil with your intentions, you just went and talk to him because you can't stand that he is not giving you the attention and validation you want.

    This is BS. Plain and simple. He just purposly ignored your text. Maybe because he is over you, or maybe because he still wants to punish you.

    Again, more attemts to get his attentions.

    You don't want to talk to him... but you are doing everything to make him notice you and talk to you. Actions speak louder than words.

    The fact that this guy is rejecting you, is driving you crazy. Again.. female nature 101. The fact that you like him and he is not giving you the time a day is making you even more attracted to him.
    All the guys are constanly all over you.. that is not attractive. This guy is behaving different and that is attractive.

    Agian, you are desperate to make him notice you and talk to you. But he is not doing a thing.

    Again, you want him as far as you can, but you are upset that he is not talking to you. See the contradiction?

    He wasn't. That's what you think about it, he just move on, you don't.

    Again, this is driving you crazy. I'm hot, why is this guy not cheking me. This is making him more attractive to you.

    All his behaviour shows he is over you. You should do the same.

    he is not been a jerk. Not giving you the attention you want from him, don't make him a jerk.

    This is on you. You self esteem is low because one guy rejected you when all of the other man in the office are checking you out.

    Again, on you. get yourselve together. this is just one guy that rejected you. There are plenty out there.

    No.. you can't beleive a man rejected you. Is not about his age. Get over him.

    Don't give a f*k about him anymore. You give him a chance to seduce you, he waisted your time. move on to another one.

    Again, let him go. Focus in something else.
    Oliver Gunter and StarRider like this.
  4. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    You sent mixed signals, first you approached him and then avoid him. he acted accordingly and back off too. He is not going to read your mind and know you want to approach him again, also it looks you don't know if you really want or not being with him, you still have doubts if he's a fuck boy. So sending mixing signals can really turn a guy off.

    You seem pretty anxious, paranoid about the situation. But it's normal, you don't really know him.

    Maybe if you want to know him better, approach him being friendly and flirty again. Maybe he still likes you, he has a right to be upset because you were acting weird and pulling away. Maybe it's not too late.

    But if you want nothing with him, you don't want to know him more. Just forget about it. He seems like a cool guy who is not giving you bad vibes about the situation.
    FirefromAbove likes this.
  5. not to brag but i am very attractive and so like a given that a woman like me does not get rejected. it is much worse since i decided to ignore him again after he said to me that bs of "i am not on my phone often". also since he said this to me, he has been sending several texts to the work group chat. is this a coincidence? in 2 months i have been working there, he never texted in the work group chat. I will work again tomorrow. hopefully i don't see him but i have to stop looking bothered or even a bit annoyed by him

    I swear on sunday he looked like he enjoyed irritating me, talking about me but not to me. he was around in my area of work but talking with other 2 girls there and the other guys except me, complete indifference to me but looked at me when a colleague hinted if i was dumb coz i didn't get something work-related and he kinda smirked at it. i didn't want to clearly talk to him. even his mates at work check me out and i flirted with this guy before

    how do i make him irritated and so he stops acting like super handsome or super charming when he is not?
  6. Mr. Rosco

    Mr. Rosco Fapstronaut


    Not getting rejected leads making the guy rejecting you more attractive. female nature 101 right there. and to note he could be trying to make you jealous. and the question is to note that other people have different views than you. the world isn't your views. I say respect each others workspace. hang out with your mates and move on. it may hurt at first, but you will feel at ease in the long run.
  7. i didn't do all the moves but i guess the most important ones. he waited for me after he finished his work multiple times and followed me on break. well, i re-started ignoring him after he said to me " i am not on my phone often". i wanted to get him to wish he replied to my text (that is why i dressed particularly nice at the work meeting but nothing over the top) but i imagine everyone including him knew i dressed that nice for him mainly so that turned out ridiculous for me

    the reasons why i played games and he did too in response to mine was because I am a recovering s. addict and people at work gossip or like to make up stuff with a bit of truth or sometimes no truth at all. i would have never slow played this much if i met him outside of work environment

    i was thinking to go to work everytime with a nice top and then put my work t-shirt for me to make me regain self respect and feeling that extra beautiful after being rejected by this colleague that honestly felt pretty awful because I have to keep seeing him

    but maybe he would think am i still trying to get his attention? how to win this situation? I really don't want to talk to him anymore. I just want him at this point to stop bragging about having rejected me and getting respected all the time at work from everybody there

    i am "jealous" when he is around my other 2 female colleagues or any female that is not me, i really hate it. I have to be 100% indifferent and act the part until it is real

    advice how to become the winner in this situation?
  8. Blessedby TheMostHigh

    Blessedby TheMostHigh Fapstronaut

    Is this a career that you plan on working for the rest of your life? If not then who cares about work gossip. I’ve never cared about that at some temporary shitty job. You care too much about what people think of you.

    The only way to be a “winner” in this situation is to move on. Stop doing things to get his attention. And yes doing this thing with your “nice top” is not going to help. At this point anything you do of that nature, he’s going to assume it’s for him. Just treat your job like a job. Clock in clock out. That’s it. Do your work, and socialize naturally with your coworkers. I’m speaking from experience when I say, in situations like these, guys do enjoy just messing with you. Because we know we’ve got under your skin. So the only thing you can do is stop being phased by what he does. Just brush it off and focus on your job.

    If he’s not so handsome and charming like you say, then why do you get jealous when he’s around other girls? They probably aren’t into him anyways. Let him walk around and think he’s the boss. Once he realizes you aren’t reacting to him anymore, than his ego will slow down. You need to derive yourself esteem from inside. Not through external validation. Good luck.
  9. i am a woman and a recovering s. addict. i don't want people to have any inclination of my addiction. and trust me it is almost an acting job, the less my coworkers know the real me, the less they can make up shit about me. I am like a different person at work. I can laugh with them but I don't want to disclose too much of me, enough to have a good relationship with them to make me digest this job as much as i can for the time being to let me focus on my life goals

    yesterday i didn't see him thankfully and i had a good time at work. i had a drink before shift and that helped me to feel more relaxed, more brave, with my head up mostly and i had a smile on that usually i i didn't have at work. and i wore a nice top. i felt good, more beautiful and with better self esteem. maybe it was thanks to the drink i had too. but i think i should wear nice tops only when i am hanging out after or before work sometimes with some acquaintances not wear them everytime i work so he is not gonna think it is for him. and i think overtime he will not think about it anymore

    he is not handsome or particularly charming he is more around average (i didn't like his face at first too much, his jaw) but i guess the fact the other guys ask or talk to him about girls constantly make him a guy that has success and that is attractive whether they make up stuff or not. I got very jealous when he was talking to other females at work or mentioning other girls because i "liked" him and I get very jealous. but now it is finished. i acted like i had a "crush" on him. it is weird. this reboot has really rebooted me. when i like a guy i think about dating him and yes have s. but not that mainly anymore. it reminds me the way i was behaving when i was pre-addictions

    yes i want to keep working everyday on my self esteem that comes from me only. who cares i got rejected. it happens, not big deal. i have more important things to take care of
  10. Oliver Gunter

    Oliver Gunter Fapstronaut

    Read this again and tell me you are not toxic. You can't handle the rejection of a guy. You chase after him despite not liking his looks and personality. At the same time you think you are irresistable.
  11. wow yeah i guess i am in the "young mom" phase. when i was 27 a 17 year old tried to hit on me and when i said my age he was shocked and was almost illegal in the country i was in. anyway i know the age gap is ridiculous that is why i was doing push and pull with him. to be honest i am not even sure if he is 25

    for sure around that age. i work with two 18 year olds and and i felt competition for a while in general with them and they are not even that attractive but they are fresh meat. i am still very attractive, people often think i am 25. they are pretty, i am more seductive. i thought the same, why would he pick me over much younger girls? only because he couldn't have the two 18 yo from work. they both got bfs but then again he has outside work to grab any younger girl

    i guess he has options, that is what he portrays at least but he is not handsome. i'd say the thing the other guys at work talk with him about girls and ask him if he had s with some girls on holidays make him to have success with girls and that is obviously attractive whether it is true or overexaggerated. anyway i just couldn't avoid feeling attracted and drawn to him even if the age gap should have made me stop from even flirting with him. i haven't been with a guy in a long time and i guess i got thirsty and desperate a bit and wanted more of the way i felt when we first flirted
  12. i am not toxic. i rejected former colleagues and but never bragged about the rejection. i went out of my way to talk it through and get back to a good wok relationship

    i didn't say i didn't like his personality (actually some things got me curious, wanting to talk to him) and yeah i didn't like his jaw too much when i first saw it fully. lock me in jail for saying that. it is a matter of fact he was the only one to reject me. he is free to do so. now i don't care anymore about his rejection. i processed it and forgot about it
  13. wow. i did not s. harass him at all. it was consensual the whole time. second of all, i had exes that wanted me to take the lead when i said if they wanted i could have been the man in the relationship to get things started and they were very into that option. i have never done things against a guy's will
  14. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    While it seems innocent and engaging, flirting can really be a degrading thing - for all affected and involved. There's something akin to it as psychological/spiritual rape - the need to possess or grasp onto another for one's own neediness.
    Roady and Keli like this.
  15. Yep there is one thing you need to do.

    You 're a recovering addict who accidentally started flirting with this guy while you knew you better didn't do that.

    Admit you made a wrong move to this guy. Admit you made a mistake.
    Only you know about your addiction and nobody else need to know about that.
    But you know it was your addicted mind who made you move to this guy if I understand you right.

    Imo what will safe you is go to that guy and say you feel sorry for being blunt in your approach. Create your own story here.
    If you manage to humble yourself, but in honesty, the game will be over.
    Humbling yourself will break the attraction and sets you free.
  16. Oliver Gunter

    Oliver Gunter Fapstronaut

    Well, no. Flirting and engaging is entirely positive for our species. People shouldn't be hysterical about it just because it is not the man or woman of their dreams that is flirting with them. Not accepting rejections, looking down on people and using them as lust objects (without consent) is when it becomes a problem. I think Green Lion stopped at the right time, but some things she writes are indeed degrading towards the guy. But I understand her pride got hurt so she's a bit salty now, nothing too bad.

    I agree, these double standards are the worst. But men usually take it with humour and I would rather suggest women do the same. The world doesn't need a generation of sensitive men.
  17. Oliver Gunter

    Oliver Gunter Fapstronaut

    I see where you are coming from but just because some people are crazy we shouldn't act crazy ourselves.
    Blessedby TheMostHigh likes this.
  18. I'm not an addict anymore. I have been sober for 3 years. I'm a recovering addict. My brain has been long without any influence from p. It all changed drastically since I was an addict in action

    And I got no apology to give for showing natural attraction for a guy. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's not the addict in me that naturally flirted with him it was the straight woman in me
  19. I understand what you try to say.
    But fact is:
    1. you started your actions to that guy
    2. now you are entangled in all kind of shitty games.

    Only you know where it went wrong.
    RobbyGo36 and Oliver Gunter like this.
  20. I never met a guy that behaved like this. I thought other guys could have given me an insight

    Is a coincidence that he reads the texts I sent in the work group chat immediately?

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