Focus, motivation, energy & happiness after 120 days

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Ammon, Apr 28, 2017.

  1. Ammon

    Ammon Fapstronaut

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    It's been a long time ago that I have been without any relapse for such a long time. I have been before but during those times I wasn't really free of addiction, I just changed to an online shopping, movie or gaming addiction.

    The results have been quite drastic (in a good way). I have a lot more energy than I used to but what surprises me most is how much I enjoy being productive. I still sometimes procrastinate but usually I don't want to anymore. I enjoy getting stuff done! I think a few months ago I'd still be afraid of checking off my list. Calling customers, suppliers, dealing with little problems but I'm not afraid anymore. Well, maybe sometimes still a little but it's fading and fading. I never thought fear was such a big consequence of a porn addiction.

    As I look back on the last few weeks the biggest question comes up in my head: what would my life have been like if I didn't ever have an addiction at all? I'm so motivated and productive now. No wonder I'm way behind on my career! The good news is.....I'm not dead yet and it's never too late to change.

    Props to everyone here not giving up. Addiction sucks! It sucks for all of us. Just think about it.........millions of people have a porn addiction and the industry is still growing. It's time we show those bastards what we're worth. :)
     
  2. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations! I was once close to 120 days, but unfortunately relapsed.

    You say that you sometimes wonder what your life would look like without addiction. I wonder about it often. How do you cope with it? It's a terrible feeling knowing that for 15 years I have been squandering my potential... I can't stand the pain that is sometimes literally crushing me.

    EDIT: I have read about 5 stages of grief. Does this sadness connected to wasted years (after the revelation that I lost them) is grief? Should I properly grieve over it and with time I will be able to accept it?
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2017
    Ammon likes this.
  3. I Free I

    I Free I Guest

  4. Ammon

    Ammon Fapstronaut

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    That is hard indeed. Reading up on those stages can definitely help I believe. I sometimes still have a hard time with this myself, especially when I start comparing myself to others (always a bad idea/dysfunctional, but everyone including me does it).

    In my case I think my religious beliefs help a lot. I believe I was send to this earth to learn and God doesn't look at who comes out best but how much you have grown as a person. This is the object more than anyhing else.
    Even if you're not religious, this would be a very liberating and functional way to look at life. Because when you look at it at that way you are not so much concerned with the end results or outcome but more with the process. And that process of learning is different for everyone. It may have been a porn addiction to get you and me to learn what we need to get to know ourselves, grow, become stronger maybe serve others....whatever it is.
    Don't get me wrong with this question, I'm not asking it to somehow make porn a good thing but; what have you learned from having a porn addiction, in what ways have you grown? I'm sure it has taken a large toll and has done a lot of damage as it has done to me but former addicts (any addiction) that have overcome their addiction are probably the strongest people I know. I can get into that more but I'm curious, maybe you come up with things I haven't even thought of. I'd be grateful to hear them.
     
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  5. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    @Ammon Thanks for your answer.

    You see, the problem is that I intelectually know a lot, really. But it hurts so much knowing something on a cognitive level and not knowing it on an emotional level. Like I have this tension. E.g. I KNOW that talking to strangers isn't a big deal, but I FEEL like running away every time. And this is killing me. This contradiction. I KNOW that even if someone rejects me, it's no big deal, but I still FEEL fear of rejection. It would be much easier not to know those things - there would be no tension. Not better, but easier.

    I may well know something, but it's only when I BELIEVE it, it will be OK. I have limiting beliefs deep down I guess and I don't know how to pinpoint them and, what's more important, how to change them.

    One thing I can think of is willpower, as weird as it may sound. Why? Because over those years I did not get any happiness and joy out of almost anything because my brain was desentisised due to porn. And still I was doing things. I was helping people, although it did nothing for me, I didn't feel better. I was training martial arts despite lack of joy out of this, etc. I did things by sheer willpower. I can only imagine what I could achieve with that willpower once joy and happiness and motivation kick in... But at the same time I don't want to soldier through everything :(

    Another thing is greater insight when it comes to me. I meditate regularly, I start to get interested in what I feel, etc. On the other hand, I sometimes think that those things that I am slowly achieving through meditation and reading, others have acquired naturally in the course of their normal lives without addiction. And I can't even tell others with pride that, let's say, I have finally recognised the emotion of sadness in me because they will be like "so what? it's normal, there's nothing to take pride in" - which is another problem for me - I feel unappreciated for all the work I'm doing :(

    I have also become interested in self development very much, but I think that I wouldn't have to at all because I would have a happy life right now naturally if I didn't have the addiction :(

    You see, all my advantages are countered by the grief of lost years.
     
  6. Ammon

    Ammon Fapstronaut

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    I recognize a few things you say. I think we even have a few things in common. Long time addiction (mine for 18 years), martial arts and a big interest in self development.

    I think you are right about having some limiting beliefs though. 3 things stick out inmediately from your post.

    1. Of course knowing something on a cognitive level is often different, sometimes completely different than actually feeling it like you say. But you probably already know that it starts with knowledge (cognitive level). And in time that can turn into feeling. There's all kinds of psychological training methods for this like RET, NLP and even Hypnotherapy. Saying self-development is only for people that have been damaged enough through an addiction e.g. is like saying people in The Netherlands (where I'm from) don't need any drinking water, only people in the Sahara do. Nobody is perfect and I believe people who learn about self-development and put it in practice are on a certain level always ahead of people who don't. They are progressing faster.....and again, it's not where you are in life but if you are learning and making progress.

    2. If your last relapse was 3 days ago, with certainty you are now being affected by the fog of addiction. I'm reminding you of that not to discourage but to encourage. Knowing that also gives hope because at least on a cognitive level (again) you know things will get better than they are now.

    3. Maybe you recognize it but if you don't read back your own post.... you are constantly comparing yourself to others. That isn't healthy when you are struggling with an addiction nor when you are anyone else on the planet. Why do you think so many celebrities get depressed, turn to all kinds of substance abuse and can't maintain a healthy relationship for more than a few weeks. Besides believing fame and money is the answer to happiness, those people are constantly comparing themselves to others. Which teaches us that even if you're on top (acording to society) there's always people you can feel inferior or superior compared to. Neither of which is healthy.

    You were free for 120 days before. You can do it again and go farther. Things will become clearer and clearer. If you don't believe that now.....at least believe that you will in the future. :)
     
  7. Tested

    Tested Fapstronaut

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    Yes it is grief. We are losing a long time companion. You have to let yourself grieve, but then you have to realise that the p was making you sick. Total avoidance is the only way to heal. PM me if you want to chat.
     
  8. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    I just relapsed again. I have this very weird feeling, like I wanna puke, but much weaker, almost non-discernible...

    So I have to go throught the stages of grief to finally let go of my past?

    I think that right now I'm escaping this feeling of grief through PMO. Because it's so intense. I was crying harshly today, for instance.
     
  9. Very inspiring. Have a great pmo - free day! :)
     
  10. ControlV

    ControlV Fapstronaut

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    Hi ,
    Congrats on 120 days without porn & masubation. I'm doing a similar 100 days challenge. After the 1st week , the urges to watch P has been decreasing , but I get this discomfort above my penis tricking my mind to release.
    Since u did'nt do a PMO challenge and only PM , how often did u ejaculate? Do you have a partner?
    I want to see the same benefits , but want to be sure my ejaculating frequency does'nt affect my progress.
     
  11. JCE8

    JCE8 Fapstronaut

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    Recognising the emotion of sadness in you is really rare. Anyone who has truly recognised the sadness in themselves would applaud you, but very few people have got that far, and therefore wouldn't be capable of recognising the work that has taken you. I salute you.
     
  12. Fink93

    Fink93 Fapstronaut

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    great post, stay true to yourself. you already know the way out of this - no PMO. and i see you as the guy who can do it cold turkey, like i did that. even if we might have fucked up our lives in the past, making shitty decisions or not having the WILLPOWER to do anything. i´m sure we can do THIS, staying PMO free. at least I don´t want to go on like that anymore. theres so much i missed in the past 10 years when i was addicted, and i don´t want to miss out on life anymore. it just ain´t worth it.

    you don´t want to go on with that live, i´m pretty sure. so its time to change things ;)

    and about the self developement. don´t compare yourself to others. do YOUR thing. do what makes YOU happy. try to be happy on your own. the rest will come in time.

    keep your head up =)
     
  13. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot :)
    The problem is I don't know what makes me happy. I never had the chance to figure it out. Aall i know is that I'm not happy right now.
     
  14. Fink93

    Fink93 Fapstronaut

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    if you PM me i can help you out there or on skype
     
  15. fapstronaut_12

    fapstronaut_12 Fapstronaut

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    Ignore the devil and move on...
    There are better things ahead in life..stop worrying about the past...
     
  16. Harry Maclad

    Harry Maclad Fapstronaut

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    That's great!! You are incredible. You really motivated me to keep going. Good luck to you to!!
     
  17. lyess11

    lyess11 Fapstronaut

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    Congratulation broo
     
  18. JE1980

    JE1980 Fapstronaut

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    Props to everyone here not giving up. Addiction sucks! It sucks for all of us. Just think about it.........millions of people have a porn addiction and the industry is still growing. It's time we show those bastards what we're worth. :)[/QUOTE]

    Awesome couldn't agree more!
     
    FeelingDoomed and pavloo91 like this.
  19. fapstronaut_12

    fapstronaut_12 Fapstronaut

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    Liked your first point. ..could you explain it in detail please
     

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