I will reach 40 days today. Almost half of my 90 day goal. I have read other posts that say why set a goal or what is so magical about a goal of 90 days or 180 days. Nothing really. It is just a way to keep track of time. Think about this when you are an addict do you say to your self "I am only going to watch porn today or for a week, while I am on vacation and then I will quit." Maybe you say, I'll do this until the end of the year and then I will give up PMO as a new years resolution. So time can work both ways. It isn't important. So then if time tracking time isn't important then what is. It is that infinitesimal moment, that spark of unwanted desire. You know when that moment happens because you can feel it. Immediately turn from it. Do not let that moment control your life. You are free. Stay free. Today.
A start of another week. I have a busy week at work. Not much else to report. Going to workout before work.
Well I survived the Monday at work. To say things are a disaster at my place of work would be an understatement. The problem is that I cannot fix them. Some of the mess I have no idea how to fix. The problem is know one else does either. A proverbial shit storm. I am venting here and it feels good. So what can I do? Control the things I can control and for the things I am responsible for, follow the process. 42 days and I am happy about that.
Enjoying the journey so far. Praying every day. Referring to recent posts about my job: No matter how bad things may be time moves forward. Somehow I am here the next day posting a message and everything is fine. I am very happy with my progress so far.
One of the keys to my success has been to check in and post daily. Weather I have something to write or not I check in. I think of it as going to an AA meeting. I can write (say) what I feel and i can do so in a safe environment. Another helpful action is that at the first thought of P I pray. I do not allow myself to follow the thought and fantasize. Is that always the case? No, but for the majority of these unwanted Disruptive Brain Messages (DBM) it works. If for some reason I start to follow the thought then I try to use the four steps of relabel, re-frame, refocus and revalue. Be grateful for today. There is no better day than today, because you are free. If you are in a crisis or just relapsed please know that you are free inside. You are always free. Don't let the enemy think for a second that you are not free and that you will hand yourself over to a life of pain. No, you are free. Whatever place you are in right now stop and breath in - deep breath. Breath all of the air out. Again. Again. Now breath normally. You are free!
