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For now mid 50s single male incel vent.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ad vera amoris, Jul 6, 2019.

  1. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    This is just a vent to express in the moment that loneliness is super intense now, but to solve it requires managing shame feelings. So I get stuck. I know many ideas and strategies but unable to access them today. Drinking and a porn chat binge on July 4th alone didn't help.

    I will probably soon repost for a specific AP request but only for my age bracket, 50 - 60, and with some similar issues tied to my incel history and using porn chat to substitute for lack of emotional intimacy. Sexual need is secondary but also involved.

    There are complex, long term factors tied into something on the Avoidant Personality spectrum and impact on long term employment gap. I have good social skills so it isn't that type.

    Below is a recent post for some context. My old AP posts say more.

    I prefer conversation to forum posts. Thanks. But if comments help others here initially that's ok.

    This was just a cathartic post because of the lack of immediate relief. Telling my favorite webcam girls "I love you" again is my impulse but clearly not a solution. I deleted my account there yesterday but was already tempted. So tried this post instead as a replacement behavior.

    I may try cuddlist session as therapeutic step.

     
  2. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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  3. Zapster21

    Zapster21 Fapstronaut

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    A webcam girl is just there for the money. Nothing else. It's fake intimacy, and it cuts you off from real relationships.
     
    Deleted-Account likes this.
  4. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I was already very, very well aware of your observation. The problem is not them but within me. Regardless I appreciate your trying to offer support.
     
  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Never identify yourself as an incel. Even if you have been trying to have sex for decades, do not call yourself an incel.
     
  6. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    I am miserable and can't break out of current downward spiral.

    Not just PMO. Everything.

    50 somethings preferred for feedback..

    PS - I understand about Incel term. Will avoid but it is my situation.
     
  7. userSCP

    userSCP Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, any progress you are going to have will start with accepting @Infrasapiens post here. Then constant self-improvement. Being a man is hard, not many shortcuts.

    Why are you an incel? Physical, social reasons? Habits, drugs? Also, is being a virgin prerequisite to being an incel?
     
  8. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    No to sound stupid but what’s an incel?
     
  9. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    If we go by the definition of the word, it is a person who is an INvoluntary CELibate. If we go to the description of the group, it is a bunch of arrogant and victimistic man-children losers who cannot accept how real life works, therefore all they do is whine in their on self-fabricated misery about how life is unfair because it didn't give them what they wanted on a silver plate.
     
  10. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    Why? Do younger people stink? Because you think younger men are lower in quality, or what? Maybe some of us are knowledgeable into handling our difficult times as well, probably more than those in their 50s.

    Take this as support, here are some questions to get you started, of things you don't mention in your post but are essential:

    1) How often and for how long do you go out into nature? Do you go on a bicycle every now and then just to feel the wind, for 10-15 miles? Go out into nature, don't sit in the house, because humans were not designed to just sit and fap. Go out for long, I mean long walks, 3-4 hours. Get a good podcast (Rich Roll, On Being, Under the Skin, Found my fitness) and just walk and learn. Move your ass off that chair! Get a book like "How not to die" or "Finding ultra" and read it in a park, all by yourself, on a bench.

    2) What are your eating habits? Do you cook for yourself or get mostly fast food? Do you eat mostly plants or are you stuck in believing that a man must eat only meat? What do you know about nutrition?

    3) Most critical, do you let your thoughts and emotions our in a safe outlet? I'd guess not, because your emotional health is not as important, yet this is the most important thing that you are probably now ignoring. Here are two posts to get you started in this direction:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...g-with-negative-emotions.235876/#post-2091926

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/journaling-probably-the-best-way-to-heal.245610/

    So my sincere suggestions are, first, to stop believing that because I'm younger I have no effin clue how you feel and what you might need and, second, get the hell out of the house for most of the day! Use the house to shower, sleep (I really mean sleep) and to cook/eat for a month or two; you'll see positive changes.

    Good luck!
     
  11. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for several wonderful ideas and suggestions, and links, and effort.

    At the same time I prefer you all do not take such a harsh judgemental tone. You are correct not to make assumptions.

    Yes, young people have great value. I am not diminishing that.

    At the same time you may not have experienced or witnessed the death of both parents, your own aging and brushes with death, etc. It is a change in consciousness for many.

    I exercise, eat healthy, volunteer, psychotherapy, etc.

    As for Incel, I do not fit most views or the judgments in the earlier post. Am just stating a fact of my history for reasons. I do not blame women in any way.

    I mean you all no malice. But you may want to tone down harshness and browbeating. This is a support site. Thanks.
     
  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Are you doing all that you can in terms of solving the unemployment situation?

    Do you have activities in your life that allows you to meet new people on a regular basis?

    There's no easy answers to your situation.

    You have to commit to the next 5-10 years of your life. Either stay, make peace with what you have, and continue to feed your addictions because you don't think you can attain it in reality... or do your best to go for what you want even though it might not work. There's no guarantees. If you decide to go for the latter, it really will take everything you've got and there wouldn't be any room for half assing, back pedaling, or seeking comfort.

    With where you're at in life and the severity of your downwards spiral, it really is a tough thing to flip everything around to how you would really want it to be. You can't afford to sit on the fence or slowly dip your toe in the water with this one. You would have to do many urgent, drastic, and scary things to create change. You would have to sacrifice short term emotions (having the company of cam girls) for the sake of having the possibility of your desired long term outcomes.

    I hope you find what you're looking for. Only you can create the necessary change and figure things out.
     
    risingStar2020 likes this.
  13. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    Incredibly expressed, insightful, and powerful feedback.

    Yes, I will need to rebuild and maintain motivation and inspiration.

    Thanks very much.
     

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