The truth of the matter in my case seems very grim. Ten years sexless and wasted because he loves porn more than me. He's been kicked out numerous times during these years, but I am disabled by depression and can barely take care of myself. This has caused me to ask for help, even after 3 months of no contact. He'll come back and I'll explain this addiction needs to stop if he's going to stay. He stays so I assume he will, but he never does. I recently asked him to promise he won't watch it anymore. He won't. He has to go. And I don't want him to. I need him, but this relationship is abusive. It's femdom so these retarded whores have him hypnotized into this.
For the men that have successfully quit: How and why did you do it? TIA
I’m not sure if this will help or not but I had a PMO addiction for 25 years that also manifested in chats and virtual infidelity. My wife caught me twice and this second (more recent) time really shook me up.
I read the book the Porn Myth by Matt Frad and it changed my life. I feel disgusted and ashamed for how I used to treat these poor digital prostitutes. I now have a visceral reaction when I think about using porn. If he hasn’t read the book yet, maybe try Audible. Honestly the whole industry is taking advantage of these poor girls and that has been enough for me to stop- so far. My wife doesn’t want to have sex with me and I totally it. I’m doing a reboot on hard mode to take my mind off things and try to reset my brain.
I read the book the Porn Myth by Matt Frad and it changed my life. I feel disgusted and ashamed for how I used to treat these poor digital prostitutes. I now have a visceral reaction when I think about using porn. If he hasn’t read the book yet, maybe try Audible. Honestly the whole industry is taking advantage of these poor girls and that has been enough for me to stop- so far. My wife doesn’t want to have sex with me and I totally it. I’m doing a reboot on hard mode to take my mind off things and try to reset my brain.
Good luck and thanks for the response.
Real Jerry Seinfeld
Fapstronaut
So I've had periods of years where I've not masturbated, currently I'm doing it about once every 2-3 months and not to porn. So I'd say it's not really an addiction for me at this stage, it certainly doesn't feel like one anyway.
The first thing is the desire to quit. Many men want to quit because they feel it is affecting them negatively on a personal level. Maybe it's inducing erectile dysfunction, or contributing to social anxiety, or whatever. There's a lot of information on this site about what porn can do to your brain and the benefits of getting off it. So maybe you need to sell him on the personal risks and benefits if saving the relationship isn't enough of a motivation.
In terms of how I quit, I sort of weaned myself off it. I was doing it like 3 times a day, I cut down to once per day, then every other day, once a week, once a month, etc. In terms of quitting specific types of porn, it might be useful for him to make a promise to himself that if he breaks and uses porn, he won't use THAT porn. He must realise all that stuff is emasculating and embarassing, there must be a level on which he is ashamed and wants to quit.
This isn't everyone's method but it's what would work for me. But you have to want to do it.
The first thing is the desire to quit. Many men want to quit because they feel it is affecting them negatively on a personal level. Maybe it's inducing erectile dysfunction, or contributing to social anxiety, or whatever. There's a lot of information on this site about what porn can do to your brain and the benefits of getting off it. So maybe you need to sell him on the personal risks and benefits if saving the relationship isn't enough of a motivation.
In terms of how I quit, I sort of weaned myself off it. I was doing it like 3 times a day, I cut down to once per day, then every other day, once a week, once a month, etc. In terms of quitting specific types of porn, it might be useful for him to make a promise to himself that if he breaks and uses porn, he won't use THAT porn. He must realise all that stuff is emasculating and embarassing, there must be a level on which he is ashamed and wants to quit.
This isn't everyone's method but it's what would work for me. But you have to want to do it.
I'm still just a newbie to this. but I feel the change already. something in me snapped within the last week, the clarity is already downing in my mind and I know I have the strength to rewire my mind when it comes to sexual energy, desires, and lust. before my relationship I never thought of it as bad or negative. and only during my relationship was it made clear my habits were unhealthy. slowly I started working towards abstinence from PM its difficult for sure but you have to start with acknowledging the problem first, and you really need to want to fix it to make a change.
hhh999
Fapstronaut
I quit porn very successfully. I used to PMO almost every single day, until about a year and a half ago, I saw a video that said that that the reason I don't have a girlfriend might be because of my porn addiction. And just like that, I decided I would never use porn again and, I quit, 100% cold turkey. I had never had a girlfriend before then, and I didn't understand why, so the moment I saw that video, I just KNEW I wouldn't watch any more porn. Quitting porn had revived my long lost hope of getting a girlfriend. Since then, I began to adopt disciplined habits and working on myself a lot more. I eventually met my wonderful girlfriend with whom I'm currently in a loving relationship.
I wish I could tell you I never relapsed, but that's not entirely true. I relapse twice, both within one week of each other. It happened during a rough period when my girlfriend started to unexpectedly and without explanation become very distant, and I, at the moment, mistakenly thought that she had lost interest in me and that the relationship was over. We ended up sorting out the problem (which was causing her to be distant), but I never told her about the relapses or my past porn addiction. Relapsing those two times was probably one of the worst decisions I've made, and I'll have to carry that burden for the rest of my relationship with her (a relationship that I hope lasts for my entire life, considering how wonderful she is). These relapses taught me that, no matter how bad things get, I should never EVER give up on my path to recovery.
That's very good to hear. No doubt your addiction was putting women off. We know. Women's intuition. You're proof of this.
SuperFan
Fapstronaut
I can't say that I've 'successfully quit' this since there are still behaviors I occasionally struggle with (fantasy and masturbation in particular, because they're available in limitless quantity for free, anytime I want).
But I can say this--my recovery has been strong and easy to the degree that I recognize that PMO has nothing positive to offer me. I can use porn blockers, I can go to therapy, I can attend 12-step meetings ... but if down-deep I still feel like I'm giving up something fun and pleasurable, I'll eventually cave and go back to it. My willpower will eventually run out. But if I can continually remind myself that PMO is a poison that will continue destroying my life as long as I keep using it, I can abstain with minimal effort. My mindset does most of the heavy lifting. The sad part for most addicts is that they typically have to endure a lot of personal pain and damage before they're ready to admit how destructive it is.
If you both want hope for this relationship (and it requires both of you), then it can't just be a vague promise to change with you hoping that he stays true to it. There has to be a clear, defined plan of how that will be accomplished, and how progress will be tracked. Then you'll have something measurable where you can continually spot-check and see if you guys are on the right path or not. It should be a plan that he comes up with--because he needs to take ownership over his own recovery--but he should be willing to listen to your input and feedback.
I would also (and this is only if you're hoping to save this relationship) encourage you to do some reading about porn addiction and how it impacts the brain and a man's sense of self. It will likely do a lot of good in helping you understand that his behavior isn't about you not being attractive or sexual enough. But you only need to do that if the relationship is important to you. Your responsibility to understand his behavior only goes as far as you want to maintain the relationship and see it grow.
If he's flat-out unwilling to change or seems like he still wants porn in his life, then you need to create a hard boundary. Wish him the best, say goodbye, and then block him on every form of communication you have. Otherwise, I think you'll just keep repeating this Groundhog Day.
I know it's a serious issue, but this comment cracked me up. I don't understand how men get into the femdom thing at all. I can't imagine how emasculated and weak it would make a man feel to get addicted to that crap. Whenever I see a femdom--especially these women who are 'finacial femdoms' who require constant payment--I see a woman who is incapable of holding a real job and offering anything positive to the world.
But I can say this--my recovery has been strong and easy to the degree that I recognize that PMO has nothing positive to offer me. I can use porn blockers, I can go to therapy, I can attend 12-step meetings ... but if down-deep I still feel like I'm giving up something fun and pleasurable, I'll eventually cave and go back to it. My willpower will eventually run out. But if I can continually remind myself that PMO is a poison that will continue destroying my life as long as I keep using it, I can abstain with minimal effort. My mindset does most of the heavy lifting. The sad part for most addicts is that they typically have to endure a lot of personal pain and damage before they're ready to admit how destructive it is.
If you both want hope for this relationship (and it requires both of you), then it can't just be a vague promise to change with you hoping that he stays true to it. There has to be a clear, defined plan of how that will be accomplished, and how progress will be tracked. Then you'll have something measurable where you can continually spot-check and see if you guys are on the right path or not. It should be a plan that he comes up with--because he needs to take ownership over his own recovery--but he should be willing to listen to your input and feedback.
I would also (and this is only if you're hoping to save this relationship) encourage you to do some reading about porn addiction and how it impacts the brain and a man's sense of self. It will likely do a lot of good in helping you understand that his behavior isn't about you not being attractive or sexual enough. But you only need to do that if the relationship is important to you. Your responsibility to understand his behavior only goes as far as you want to maintain the relationship and see it grow.
If he's flat-out unwilling to change or seems like he still wants porn in his life, then you need to create a hard boundary. Wish him the best, say goodbye, and then block him on every form of communication you have. Otherwise, I think you'll just keep repeating this Groundhog Day.
I know it's a serious issue, but this comment cracked me up. I don't understand how men get into the femdom thing at all. I can't imagine how emasculated and weak it would make a man feel to get addicted to that crap. Whenever I see a femdom--especially these women who are 'finacial femdoms' who require constant payment--I see a woman who is incapable of holding a real job and offering anything positive to the world.