Forgetting the addiction - Question for Veterans

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Properitas, Jul 3, 2017.

  1. Hey guys,

    I have a question for those who have rebooted or have a decent streak going:

    So in my opinion, the last crucial step toward recovery is forgetting about your addiction. To get to a point where you don't even think about being an addict and just move on with your life.
    Do you agree with that statement?
    If not what is your opinion?
    Does one ever get to that point?

    Even though I have made good progress in the last few weeks, the fact that I'm an addict always occupies my mind. And a female friend of mine is a sex addict, so I think about her a lot, too. I am afraid that the more I think about it, the more it sets me up for relapse.

    I'm really looking forward to hearing your opinion on this.
     
  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am not a veteran addict but from what I understand from non pmo addictions at least is that you never forget about it. You are always an addict you are just in recovery. You have to make a conscious effort every day not to use again. When you forget you risk relapse. You need to avoid your triggers etc for life. You are very early on in your recovery so it does get easier but you won't forget you should not forget.
     
  3. It gets easier, much easier, over time. I, very rarely, think of having been a porn addict, though I am aware that I can use porn to obtain a dopamine high. I have been free for almost four years. I don't miss it. I think that is the question you are asking: will I always want it, will I never not miss it? Go long enough, and you get the point where you do not miss it. I can still get triggered by it, but I never have any doubt that I will relapse, and I do not miss it. We should never forget about the addiction, because, if we did, we would just go back to using. You will find that, once you get free, you never want to undergo the hell it took to get free, a second time.
     
  4. BeautyForAshes

    BeautyForAshes Fapstronaut

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    It's a just phase. Yes, it will dominate most of your thoughts for a period of time, but eventually it will pass.

    When I first started, it was just Semen Retention. It dominated my thought patterns for a month in a half. Times where i'd normally look up porn, I would just obsessively research Semen Retention (i'm obsessed with learning anyways). This went on until it evolved into Nofap. For five months, this went on. I kept watching Gary Wilson's podcasts. Kept researching all Nofap related information, kept reminding myself I had an addiction. But, it ended sometime in May. The hype lost it's influence over me. Now, it is what it is.

    I no longer think about porn or the concept of Nofap. Even this site serves as "social media" for me. Plus, I like to help where I can.
     
    Commited2Health and Properitas like this.
  5. BeautyForAshes

    BeautyForAshes Fapstronaut

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    That is good you've been PornFree for four years. You truly are a "veteran". I am envious. It's been half a year for me, and it's already out my system. I'm a relatively rare case I suppose.
     
  6. First of all thank you very much for your uplifting words. This really gives me hope.
    But the question really was not about if I will always want it.

    I am in a pretty good place right now. I don´t have any temptations so far and I do not miss it. But all of this addiction stuff just keeps revolving around my head. Probably because I spend a lot of time here, trying to help people.
    I once got to over 30 days, my record so far. And I remember, that I was so busy enjoying my life, that I completely forgot about porn. Staying clean was so easy because the possibility of relapsing didn´t even cross my mind. Then I was looking through some of my old pictures and there was ONE picture, that triggered me, and from there it went downhill again. Porn was again part of my thoughts.
    I´m just afraid of relapsing, by thinking too much about relapsing. Because this happened so many times before.
     
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I think some addicts struggle more than others in recovery and part of that could be due to just the fact that everyone is different. For example I don't have anxiety or worry much about much it's he not how my brain is. My best friend worries about whether the sky is falling not literally but close to it. A good friend of mine smoked for 30 years has been clean for for 10 and told me he still thinks about smoking everyday of his life and when he sees someone smoking he wants to grab them and suck the smoke out of their mouths! Other friends who quit don't hardly ever think about it. Just follow the mantra one day at a time. Today I am not going to fap. Try not to worry about whether you will give in tomorrow or next month or next year . That tends to be too daunting and overwhelming.
     
    CSLewis_YBOP likes this.
  8. Personally i'll never forget the pain of addiction, i was a substance abuser as well as a porn user but I wouldn't trade my worst days today for the best days i had using drugs and porn. I feel I have got to a point after 2.5 years where i've grown out of it, almost matured into a better version of myself but i'm also mindful of the fact I simply can't use mind altering substances (including porn) like other non compulsive or addictive people, it's far too dangerous. I am an addictive personality I don't just have 'one' of something, rareley does a pack of biscuits, bag of sweets last more than a day in my house! I've come to accept that is a trait of mine, and acceptance is part of the deal for dealing with addiction. I still have using dreams occasionally, they feel quite real sometimes and terrifying and it can take a good 10 minutes once i've woken up to get my head together, then i'm grateful for staying sober.
     
  9. I'm assuming when you say 'old pictures' that is your stash you are holding on to? you are setting yourself up to fail if you keep your stuff...if you want to quit why would you need it? that's like a cocaine addict keeping a gram of coke in his sock drawer 'just incase' but at the same time swearing off drugs, i know it's difficult to let go but it's the best thing you can do
     
  10. No Sir! Not at all! I was saying one picture and I meant exactly one.
    I´ve deleted my stash long ago. This one picture I was talking about was actually among my normal IPhone pictures.
    If I knew that picture still existed, I would have deleted it a long time ago. And it is deleted now.
    But I am still dealing with the residual of that.
    I am still finding offensive content on my hard drive from time to time. The problem is, that I deleted the pictures that were obviously pornographic, but it´s just now that I encounter stuff, I didn´t think was porn before. And that stuff isn´t labeled porn. So i keep stumbling upon it.
    But I´m pretty confident, that I´ve deleted about 99,9% of it.
     
  11. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Absolutely disagree.

    I haven't had any huge, long streaks ... but I am very, very involved in the SAA community in my city, and I know dozens of men with multiple years of sobriety. They all say the same thing: the minute you think you've got this addiction conquered is the minute it sneaks up and kicks your ass. The 'old timers' have a saying ... "you may have traveled hundreds of miles down the highway of recovery, but you're never more than a couple feet from the ditch."

    Does it get easier? Yes. There will come a point where abstaining from compulsive PMO won't seem like a constant, brutal struggle. But I don't think any recovering addict in a truly healthy state ever "forgets" about his addiction. In fact, I'd say that recognizing and remembering your addiction is a huge part of moving on with your life.
     
  12. If you think you´ve conquered your addiction, you are thinking about your addiction. That´s my whole point.
    The goal here is not to get to the point where you think you won, which will never come, as we all know.
    But by fighting a war against this addiction, we will never have peace. Even if we win all of those small battles.
    I think true serenity can only be achieved by treating porn like air. It is around us all the time, but do we obsess about it? No, we just don´t care.
    IMO that is the ultimate goal to achieve.
     
  13. TGtheoutsider

    TGtheoutsider Fapstronaut

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    I did a 365 days reboot from april '16 till april '17. My take on it is that once you get further in your streak, you start to think less and less about porn and masturbation. After day 150 I rarely had urges, and if I did have them, they were very easy to handle. In addition, I stopped visiting this site or looking up things that were nofap-related. Nofap just became a way of life
     
    Properitas likes this.
  14. Thank you for telling me this is possible. This gives me huge motivation.

    I think if I ever get to around day 180 and have absolutely no urges whatsoever and absolutely happy with my life, I will do the same.

    I also think that the people, who disagree with me do have a point. For someone with an addictive personality it is better to keep fighting, or else they will get sucked in again.
    But quit so many of my bad habits and never looked back. Video games: Every day 3-4 hours, Weed: every day for half a year, TV etc...
    Today I also like to smoke weed, or play a game with some friends. But this is once every few weeks and rarely occupies my mind.
    Don´t get me wrong though, I NEVER want to go back to porn ever again! It cost me waaay too much!
     
  15. TGtheoutsider

    TGtheoutsider Fapstronaut

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    It is a difficult addiction to beat, but definitely not impossible. You will always have to be a bit on watch to avoid relapse, but it definitely gets easier to avoid relapse. I relapsed on purpose in April, not because of urges, but to observe whether nofap really made a big difference in my life and i've come to the conclusion that life is just better without pmo'ing.
     
    Buzz Lightyear likes this.
  16. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Yes, you have to have the ideal recovery in your mind of becoming an 'ex-addict'. But you need to believe you are capable of transforming your nature for this to be possible. The problem is 'addiction' by its definition means you are compelled to do something. It's only with the idea of developing your rational nature/ desire to the point where it can overcome your compulsion/ addiction that you could really consider yourself fully recovered.
     
  17. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    You've got to the crux of the matter. Anxiety more often than not causes people to relapse. So really, recovery has to be about getting your mind off 'to fap or not to fap' altogether. This is why the 'off topic' threads are the best ones here. You are distracting yourself in the reading of philosophy, politics, theology... whatever.
     
  18. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Yes, you need to over-come it to the point that P-sub images, which are everywhere, have next to no affect on you. It's building a resiliency to it, rather than trying to repress or avoid it.
     
  19. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    It's interesting how when the urge becomes weaker, the mind steps up to the plate... 'oh, I can get away with that just a little... I will then prove who is boss.' One needs to submit the mind's absolute freedom to some 'categorical imperative'.
     
  20. Commited2Health

    Commited2Health Fapstronaut

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    It's not whether or not a veteran thinks about Porn, we will. It's in our culture, everywhere. The real question to ask, when reminded of Porn is "what do you think ABOUT it?" I quit cigarettes and am now a non-smoker for many years. I get triggered by someone who is smoking. I don't want one, ever. Why? Because I remind myself what the drug, Nicotine, will do to me. That there is no such thing as having one cigarette. One leads to a whole pack. Every time. My lungs have healed and shall remain so. I will never go back.

    Same can be said about PMO. I'm triggered. I remind myself why I quit. How the girls are horribly treated and abused. What the added Dopamine will do to my brain. That there is no such thing as just peeking at Porn. One peek always leads to a relapse. My mind has healed and rewired. I will never go back.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2017
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