Found an email in his junk folder

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by LifeHappens, Jun 12, 2022.

  1. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Because our entire marriage I get these when my husband goes to porn sites. When he finally got clean the complete y stopped . For over 6 months. Nothing, nada. Then he relapsed. Within 3 days they started again, so I asked my csat. Because you know, us wives give so much leeway and benefit of the doubt. She explained why you get them in great detail and that you won’t if you aren’t visiting questionable sites. I asked my mom if they get them. Nope. Never. Except one brief period when my nephew lived with them. He moves out, they stopped. That would be a weird coincidence, if you ask me. When my husband is clean, I don’t get them. But it does take a while for them to stop.
     
  2. LifeHappens

    LifeHappens Fapstronaut

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    I think the spam email is completely irrelevant now, as I actually found some draft emails that were addressed to and intended to be sent to local escorts. So porn seams extremely insignificant to me right now!


    Yeah it would have been over if he had passed. Now it’s a continuous torture for me.

    It was “deception indicated” on all three questions and after consulting with the examiner, he said the readings were bad for all 3 especially the sexual conduct one. The examiner stated that he is definitely withholding information thats why he failed. He did disclose information about one sexual conduct when he kissed a girl (I am aware of that) and touched her over the clothes (didn’t know about the touching). But he still failed the question miserably. So what am I left to think now...

    That’s also what the examiner said, that is so scary how scrambled their brain is.
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  3. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I wish to God we could figure out how my husbands phone number is associated with my email address . Because I really hate seeing that shi*. I already know when he slips I don’t need two months of reminders.
     
  4. Trobone

    Trobone Fapstronaut

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    It's been 2 years since I looked at porn and probably 3-4 since I actually attached an email address to anything. I still get spam in my spam folder. I unsubscribed from everything a long long long time ago, and they stopped, but the spam merchants never do. I never gave out my phone number ever, but my wife and I still get spam porn texts once every 30-90 days. They just run through every possible number.
     
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  5. about a girl

    about a girl Fapstronaut

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    Yes, spam from adult websites may pop up here and there .. It may or may not be from a recent visit .. Trust your heart what you feel and believe ..
     
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  6. LifeHappens

    LifeHappens Fapstronaut

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    Drum roll .........:
    He has been fucking escorts throughout our relationship, actually from 2007. He can’t place transactions before 2016, we got together 2014.
    Since 2016 he has apparently had sex with escorts 31 times, plus 2 blow jobs from men plus slept twice with one woman who’s not an escort.
    The whole relationship has been based on a lie and he managed to manipulate me into marrying him, buying a house etc. The guy has skills what can I say.
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2022
  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Life happens, I’m so sorry. At this point you know most of the truth! Thank him. I know that sounds ridiculous but he took a step towards recovery for once. He cared enough about you to finally come clean. Better than many men On here still lying to their wives while believing it isn’t harming her. Now you can move forwards. As painful as this is, the lies cause more damage. I’m so sorry, no one should ever have to make the choices he has forced upon you.
     
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  8. LifeHappens

    LifeHappens Fapstronaut

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    It wasn’t the whole truth because he can’t remember everything anyways, he could only come up with that number by tracing cash withdrawals, so if he says the number is 31 then it is actually 62, since everything he says is half truth. Frankly it does not matter. I hope he can get the help he needs to stop this behaviour.
     
  9. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I don’t think the number is all that important. Most addicts cannot remember everything they’ve done. Even they are shocked when something in counseling or a group meeting triggers a memory. This is why a formally led disclosure is so important to both addict and partner. Followed by a polygraph. For many addicts, this is what it takes to finally face their addiction and actions. Finally being truthful is an important step in getting into recovery. You are strong. The strongest of partners refuses to accept lies and be gas lighted. You know to trust your gut. You can do this! You have a strength that will surprise you. He is sick. Nothing of what he has done has anything to do with you. He had this problem long before he met you. Do you have any support? A friend, family, counselor? Anyone you can go talk to irl? I don’t think you’re religious but I’ve been praying for you and your family. About all I can do. Please remember to take extra care of yourself, I know these last few months have been terribly hard on you.
     
  10. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    OK, now that's funny (not funny), LOL! But you get the point.I'm soso sorry @LifeHappens.
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  11. LifeHappens

    LifeHappens Fapstronaut

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    Something is severely wrong with him, as you said he is sick. Im just mourning the 8 years I lost, my youth, all the tears and depression, feeling in despair, basically being tortured, manipulated and abused for 6,5 years. I am trying to feel my feelings and then let go.
    I did one self care act today: I meditated for 37 minutes. A friend sent me a link. And it helped. I felt better. Until I saw his face again. But I will continue doing the mediation daily and I will get through this. I am sure that one day I will be thankful for this experience because it made me stronger, more present, positive and whole.
    I have therapy tomorrow with a former therapist but he is male so I might seek a female after that. I get loads of support from my friends and family even though they are far away. I am blessed. I am spiritual so I thank you for praying and thinking of me:emoji_sparkling_heart:
     
  12. Long Range

    Long Range Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry that this happened to you and your family LifeHappens. That is quite the disclosure, it sounds like he came fully clean. I'm surprised about the blow jobs, I don't think most guys would do that, let alone admit it, but at least he is being honest now. How did you get him to admit everything?

    Porn is such a terrible thing and young men are not even warned about it at all, when your husband was young he likely thought that it was harmless and had no idea that it could ruin his life or effect his family. But porn is really very much used to attack the family unit, and young men are particularly susceptible to it. When I was young I was warned to never do hard drugs because they were addictive and would ruin my life, I listened. Society gives no warnings about the additive nature of porn.

    Now that he has come clean, if you are willing to give him another chance, I have one idea that might help both of you. Make him sign a contact (or at least agree) that you can give him a lie detector test at any time, but that you will only ask him questions regarding events from the date of the contract. I think he will agree to it since he currently has nothing to hide and he does honestly want to stay clean. Also, tell him that you will test him at least once a year even if you don't suspect anything. Knowing that he might face a lie detector test will help him to resist relapsing again in the future.

    Lie detectors can be bought for about $140 here.
     
  13. A_L_E_X

    A_L_E_X Fapstronaut

    Well... I read your first message then I skipped to page three. Im in schock.
    I'm trying to feel your pain in my heart and it does really hurt.
    Then what I feel is nothing compared to what you feel.
    Im so sorry for you and for what this man has done to you. It seem's like you've had a long time feeling suspicious...
    I wish you the best and that your mental health stays/grows strong!
     

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