Don't know how to say this really, cause this made me so utterly happy and extremely sad at the same time. I wish I could just cry it away, but I just feel choked.. this was the girl I fell in love with HARD for the first time and haven't gotten her off my mind since really, even though I like to say, that I did. She was 4 years older than me, 22 at the time I meet her and I even gave her a gift, that made her so happy she got a tear in her eye. It's been more than 4 years ago since we talked. No facebook, no nothin. In these 4 years, I've been developing rapidly and radically and I've been thru some heavy shit: death, depression, hospitalization, loneliness, unemployed, financial crisis, rejection from companies and apathy from people and pmo of course. Today I found out, that she'll soon become a mother, she's with her boyfriend and she's happy. I asked to get her number from a friend in her circle, to see how she's doing and congratulating her, he even said: "She wouldn't mind at all, she'd be more than glad to talk!" I've really been feeling like a new man for quite some time now, but when I found out about her soon becoming a mom, I was torn apart and it made me feel, that I haven't achieved anything in life for the last 5 years. I even got a car and a job now and my dreams and visions for being an entertainer is just in front of me, waiting to be devoured, but I'm on the ground. I'm gonna meet her like a developed man, wish her good luck and that'll be it, even though her sweet face and everything about her, makes me want to cry and disappear. I seriously can't help it. This is a girl I wanted to grow old with and see for all eternity and I couldn't imagine I would've been alive to see her becoming a mom. It somehow feels like heaven. I don't know, why I get so emotional and want to cry when I think about that..