Found out my first love got pregnant..

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Sentinel, Sep 30, 2015.

  1. Don't know how to say this really, cause this made me so utterly happy and extremely sad at the same time. I wish I could just cry it away, but I just feel choked.. this was the girl I fell in love with HARD for the first time and haven't gotten her off my mind since really, even though I like to say, that I did. She was 4 years older than me, 22 at the time I meet her and I even gave her a gift, that made her so happy she got a tear in her eye. It's been more than 4 years ago since we talked. No facebook, no nothin.

    In these 4 years, I've been developing rapidly and radically and I've been thru some heavy shit: death, depression, hospitalization, loneliness, unemployed, financial crisis, rejection from companies and apathy from people and pmo of course. Today I found out, that she'll soon become a mother, she's with her boyfriend and she's happy. I asked to get her number from a friend in her circle, to see how she's doing and congratulating her, he even said: "She wouldn't mind at all, she'd be more than glad to talk!"

    I've really been feeling like a new man for quite some time now, but when I found out about her soon becoming a mom, I was torn apart and it made me feel, that I haven't achieved anything in life for the last 5 years. I even got a car and a job now and my dreams and visions for being an entertainer is just in front of me, waiting to be devoured, but I'm on the ground.

    I'm gonna meet her like a developed man, wish her good luck and that'll be it, even though her sweet face and everything about her, makes me want to cry and disappear. I seriously can't help it. This is a girl I wanted to grow old with and see for all eternity and I couldn't imagine I would've been alive to see her becoming a mom. It somehow feels like heaven. I don't know, why I get so emotional and want to cry when I think about that..
    Amukadi8 likes this.
  2. Foxtrot12

    Foxtrot12 Fapstronaut

    What else can one say to the grief and joy you so plainly have put on display except thank you and 'I hear you'... Or even amen.
    Sentinel likes this.
  3. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

    What's the purpose of calling her? Are you trying to feel better or worse?
    I read something the other day that I liked I'll quote it hear, think about and see if it helps. "If you are depressed you are thinking of the past, if you are anxious you are thinking of the future, if you are happy you are thinking of the present."
    If I were you, I would try to forget the past that you had with this girl and think of what's going on in your life today and pursue your goals with a vengeance.
    About 4-months ago I called a women who I feel Hard for 34-years ago. She was my college crush and she was absolutely everything I wanted from a women. Think of that! It was nice to talk to my happily married old-flame, but the reason I called her was I was depressed and thinking of the past and the things that I wanted that I didn't get. It was a crappy place to be in my head. I feel better now not thinking of the past, but working on the present.
    Let us know if you call her and see if it makes you feel better or worse.
    Sentinel likes this.
  4. I knew this would happen sooner or later, but being alive at this time and experiencing this feels so strange.
    It's like I'm witnessing one of my life's holiest and most cheerful moments, even though I don't even got anything to do with it really and telling her how happy I am for her, just don't feel like a thing I wanna say. I have always had an envious heart but I can't do anything but surrender to this.

    What am I trying to feel? I don't know really, but I think I'm just trying to feel this. I can't believe that I have -and we have made it this far in life, the process, her becoming a mother.. I still remember her as a young, thin, innocent, funny, the sweetest, smiling girl, even when surrounded by shit, that always tried to cheer people up, without being superficial.. I fell in love for REAL for the first time. That's why I (the biggest socially awkward coward) gave her a gift. I was so stupid, hesitating, thinking she must have been getting thousands of gifts every month. She told me "This is the sweetest thing, I've ever received!" like she meant it..!?

    I'm calling her just to check if she's doing good (which I already know she is).
    People don't live too long, that I know by now, so if we feel like we wanna say something, I believe we should do it while they're still here. This is definitely digging in the past I'm afraid, but I feel that if I can meet her as a real developed, evolved, person, I will defeat my past somehow and make the ending somewhat smooth. This is just my personal theory and it sucks I know.

    But, I must be real with you. I am one social anxious awkward jealous piece of shit and being depressed makes me an even more miserable fucken bastard that I already am, but she's not just anyone, please believe me. This girl really deserves to be, where she is. It's like, I'm just walking and driving around with no purpose and feeling lively and melancholic.
  5. Anturak

    Anturak Fapstronaut

  6. Captain B

    Captain B Fapstronaut

    I'm feeling you, man.

    I recently found out an old flame of mine is getting married. "Old flame" is actually quite the understatement, I never fell in love so hard with anyone in my life. It's been a bumpy ride of getting over her and then not being over her at all, starting over and so on. I haven't talked to her in months and when I found out she got engaged, I didn't know what to feel. I managed to send her a text in which I told her how happy I am for her (which is not a lie but also just half of what I feel) and she replied she'd love to skype some time soon and that she wants me to be in her wedding. That last one was a blow to the stomach, obviously. I debated with myself about whether I should call her or if maybe this was the opportunity for me to finally cut her out of my life once and for all. After about a week I finally pulled my head out of my ass and called her.

    And that turned out to be a great idea. Even while we were still talking I could feel the infatuation I had for that girl fade away. It's not like I suddenly found her unattractive or annoying or anything, I think I just started realizing that she was a human being with flaws and everything and not that weird glorified image I had turned her into in my mind.

    So what I'm trying to say is, sometimes, when you can't get over someone, it might actually be a good idea to talk to them again. Sometimes you gotta face reality instead of only turning something over and over in your head. Not saying it works all the time but for me it did.

    That being said, I'm sure as hell not going to attend her wedding :D
    HopeFaith and Sentinel like this.
  7. Exactly!

    That's what I'm talkin' bout. I know it is diggin the past up again but not so much, if it still is runs in your head from time to time, feeling like an unfinished chapter. You got the chance to finish it the best way it possibly could be done in this reality.

    I know I will see her my old love as a very beautiful woman, finally being where she belongs, with her boyfriend and the upcoming baby.
    My man, if you ask me, you should attend to her wedding. I just feel, that a man really has a fcuk load of MAN in him, and has matured as hell, if he can be there when his old flame is getting married, STILL while living his very on life. The amount of emotions and feelings terrorizing us in these situations are unexplainable and one needs unusually much courage to go thru it.

    That is how I know I will feel, when I see my old love, pregnant. The envy will be so extreme, that it becomes pure happiness and surrender.
    In those situations, your couple or mine got what they wanted but we'll be there as heroes, not getting shit, but not because we lost, but because we had a greater cause.

    ...That was one shitty way of explaining it, but I hope I got my point across. :D
  8. Powerstrip

    Powerstrip Fapstronaut

    I think you mean crush. Love only happens when you have been with them.

    No offence.
  9. Anturak

    Anturak Fapstronaut

    There are a few different kinds of love, but I don't think that the quality of love depends on the situation or context or the relationships involved. The different types of love I think are distinguishable by their intrinsic qualities. For example, admiration, self-love, and selfless love. just my opinion on the comment
  10. That was what I was feeling. Calling it a crush would be way too underestimating. We never were a couple or a real relationship, but our communication was something significance.
  11. Anturak

    Anturak Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I think it's important not to discount our feelings
  12. yousuff

    yousuff Fapstronaut

    No point of calling her again. Learn how to sacrifice. You loved her but it's because of you she left. Letting go of thing that you can not tolerate is another kind of love and maturity. Please do not compare with yourself with anyone else. I strongly deem something better waits for you.

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