Four years trying. Frustrated.

Hi. Im 41, male and gay man from Spain.
I am in a relationship of 12 years, four years ago i started with problems of Ed and I realized i had to quit porn and masturbation. I set my goal of 90 days of no PM and since then i never got even the half , my best streak is 35 days. Since I started i overcame problems of erections, when i got 20-30 days i noticed more energy, more confindence, i started new good habits like reading or working out,... But I relapse once and once again, after 5, 10, 20 days..., last time 30. Everytime i relapse i feel very anxious, depressed and it make me relapse again, so i am several days fapping and i have to start again from zero. I have started hundred of times.

Im very tired and frustrated. Today i am starting again and i really don't know what to do to get it this time.

 

Thanks. Ive tried journals and diaries several times. I did before in twitter, i quitted because it was full of porn, it is the first time i write in this forum.

 

Thanks Hukana. I am a bit desperate because I must do something different and i don't know what it would be. Im absolutely sure I want to get it, but it is always a day im depressed, or sad, horny, stressed,bored,...that i finally relapse.