freezed in front of girls

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Kddyy, Jun 24, 2020.

  1. Kddyy

    Kddyy Fapstronaut

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    hey guys i started wathing porn at the age of 11 and in my entire teenage i had no girl in my life no kiss no hug and even a handshake very rare, i had restrained myself from porm for 61 days i am no longer attracted to it but i am still very shy in front of girls like i always try to look at girls but when they are infront of me i freeze i don,t know what to say what to do, i am not a perv but can't able to speak in front of girls and that feel me inside wrong. like today i went to store to buy something and there was a girl at the counter and i had never seen before but then also i was freezed and acted mindlessly. i don't know why i am not able to look at girls just as another fellow human being.

    pls let me know if somebody had the same problem and how you overcome it
     
    L Lawlite and Mahz -- like this.
  2. Mahz --

    Mahz -- Fapstronaut

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    Hey man it’s alright to be shy, you shouldn’t hide it, girls like boys who are shy too so don’t worry about it. And I totally get you, you’re just shy and have no idea what to tell a girl,so what you should do is go socialize with people, talk yourself out and be confident about it, if you want to talk to a girl just go for it, just do it, she will respond. Don’t ever be scared of rejection, and you know it yourself you’re capable! You’re 61 days in nofap, confidence will not magically appear, you have to gain it yourself
     
    L Lawlite and | Gamma | like this.
  3. Your shyness is a natural response brother. Probably due to lack of experience your body responds weirdly in such situations. As you go out more and more and do small progress each time, it will go away. Quitting porn also helps a lot in this matter, so keep up the good work!
     
    Swazzy 1, Timecop and Mahz -- like this.
  4. JoshuaGraham

    JoshuaGraham Temporarily Suspended

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    Bro some people are shy some people are not just own up to it. I was shy myself and tbh I should've just embraced it and admit yeah I am kind of shy, so fucking what? It's not like I am going to die, right? I mean no one cares so just admit that you are shy and whatever people think about you be damned.
    By "admit" I mean let yourself look down if you feel like it, let your voice crack or be very silent etc if that's how your shyness lets everyone know that it's there. Just let yourself go and fuck it. No one is perfect and neither are you.
     
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Porn has conditioned you to escape discomfort, uncertainty, and possible negative experiences. Porn was an attempt to have positive experiences while having a guarantee of avoiding negative experiences. That's not reality. There's no guarantees in reality. Other people can be unpredictable. That uncertainty and discomfort... taking risks... doing things that might not work.... getting better at things you have little experience or competence with.... these things are necessary to gain competence and confidence. You can't gain the competence and confidence without making mistakes, failing, getting rejected, facing negative experiences, and taking risks all without short term gratification. So avoiding those things means avoiding the life that you want. Avoiding possible negative experiences also means you're avoiding possible positive experiences.

    You resist talking or looking at a woman because you're resisting reality. The reality that has no guarantees. The reality that you have to practice and gain experience with something that you aren't good or confident at. The reality that you have to continually face uncertainty and discomfort in the short term to be able to experience long term positive experiences. That resistance to talk or look at a woman is basically you being excessively careful and extremely cautious. Trying to avoid possible pain. Those walls of self preservation that you're putting up are also walls of self imprisonment. If you don't take action, you won't lose anything, but you also won't win anything. You just stay safe and comfortable. This is why something like porn that has instant guaranteed gratification is so attractive to most people. It's very comfortable and pleasurable in the short term, but highly toxic and uncomfortable in the long run.

    Whereas gaining experience, making mistakes, failing, and getting rejected... talking to and looking at women..... are very uncomfortable in the short term, but very rewarding in the long run.

    Right now you're very committed to short term gratification over long term gratification. Safety over uncertainty. Escape over doing something that might not work.
     
    DaneyPyotr likes this.
  6. I_am_Auras

    I_am_Auras Fapstronaut

    Buddy let me tell you the reality.
    Though I am knew here not succeeded that much but the knowledge I have I should share.
    First thing admit it you are shy even I am . It's because you have created a bad image of women in your mind. Credit goes to porn. When you see girl the brain acts like what you have imagined but in real you feel shame about that and you act mindlessly due to that. So brother when you will be charge with masculanity. The girl will be shy in front of you.
    Though it will take time but for sure.
    What our ancient text says I will tell you.
    How does you develop?
    Ans- It takes 40 days to completely build semen from food , a natural power called On is built in next 40 days, then Tej is built in next 40 days, then your will power in next 40 and four more stages are there which are super.
    When Oj is formed you become feeling like you have something. When Tej is formed, you influence others. This stage you need.
    Your friend
    I_am_Auras
     
    L Lawlite likes this.
  7. L Lawlite

    L Lawlite Fapstronaut

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    Hey brother this is a very common problem faced by many teenagers. As @Mahz -- replied, Nofap gives you a Clear mindset.But the Confidence is something that you have to develop by your own.So just get your Ass up say Hi to some beauties. And get rejection by some beauties...:emoji_stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:
    Best of luck buddy @Kddyy
     
    I_am_Auras likes this.
  8. JoshuaGraham

    JoshuaGraham Temporarily Suspended

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    How exactly is something like that rewarding?
     

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