From 0 to 10 Days! A Beginner's Definitive System to NoFap!

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by YiboW, May 12, 2015.

  1. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    Hey everybody!!!

    I'm Yibo. I'm a perverted 17 year-old teenager and before I signed up for NoFap about 10 days ago, I was PMO'ing about every 1-2 days. I couldn't even imagine going more than 3 days without fapping or watching porn.

    My porn addiction was like a prison and I didn't even know there was a key that unlocked my cell room.

    I kept reading over and over about the benefits of NoFap - "more confidence, discipline, energy, ability to talk to girls... but those benefits never seemed achievable to me since I would relapse over and over.

    When I read advice about how to overcome NoFap, it was extremely vague.
    One person said "meditate". Another person said "cold showers". Another person said to "Never give up! Just try harder and listen to an inspiring song!"

    My reaction was "LIKE WHAT THE HECK?! JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO TO STOP THIS PORN ADDICTION!"

    What I needed wasn't some untested piece of advice, it was a SYSTEM - a series of PROVEN automatic habits - I could count on to help me when fighting a sexual urge.

    Today thanks to the NoFap community and the system I found - four essential habits - I'm going to share with you today, I am on day 10 of the challenge.

    So here are the 4 ESSENTIAL HABITS that I believe helped me go from fapping daily to 10 days today without PMO.
    1. Always be aware of your thoughts and whenever you get a arousing thought stop it IMMEDIATELY.
    2. Get an accountability partner through the NoFap forums.
    3. Meditate for five breaths every morning after breakfast or at night before you get in bed.
    4. Take a 50 second cold shower after you brushed your teeth at night.
    Okay, now on the first point. Stopping triggering thoughts.
    This advice comes from a blog post I read about a guy who went 70 days NoFap.

    His advice was that he was constantly aware of his thoughts. Whenever he had thoughts to watch porn, he would stop the arousing thoughts immediately instead of allowing his brain to start rationalizing and cause him to relapse.

    Your brain is basically telling you whenever you want to watch porn and masturbate:
    "Just this once. Just do it. Just do it. It feel so good."

    As it is rationalizing to you, your brain is releasing brain chemicals which is why you start feeling aroused. The more you start thinking about masturbating and visualizing porn, the more dopamine your brain releases. And the more you start getting more aroused. It's a positive feedback loop. And the more likely you are to relapse.

    Here is the most important quote from the 70 days NoFap post:

    "It’s important to know that these sexual ‘cues’ - thoughts of watching porn - result in the release of endorphins into your system, which makes you feel aroused but also shuts down your prefrontal cortex (the rational part of your brain) which is telling you that you shouldn’t fap.
    You need to block out the sexual thought or mental image immediately.

    Don’t entertain the thought or flirt with it just a little because you enjoy the warm feeling it brings. That warm feeling is hormones putting your body into sex mode and shutting down that part of your brain that reminds you why you don’t want to fap. That feeling is warm, creeping death. The instant you feel even a tiny bit aroused or curious, you need to shut out that thought. No arguments."

    https://nofapsolideo.wordpress.com/...t-breaking-a-sweat-after-7-years-of-failure//

    It's a pretty long post so feel free to skim over it. Seriously, it will probably take at least 10-30 minutes to read since the guy rambles a lot...

    Okay, on the second habit. Accountability.

    When I was first here, I was really embarrassed to get an accountability partner because I was afraid people would judge me. Now, that I have two accountability partners, I realize that those fears were just holding me back from succeeding in the NoFap challenge. This is probably the most important and easiest step to achieving success in the NoFap challenge.

    Just go on the NoFap forums and offer to be someone's accountability partner. But you need to have EMPATHY. See from the other person's point of view, not just from your own perspective.

    A lot of people just write: "Hey man, I need your help. I would like get motivated and would really appreciate u helping me out... Im almost 18 years old and I think we would be good partners."

    OKAY DUDE GET OVER YOURSELF!!!


    After you post under someone's forum request for accountability ask yourself:

    "Why would he care to respond back to my request for an accountability partner? What can I give him? What similarities do we have?"


    For example, here is the post that got me my current two accountability partners:

    http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/16-christian-male-needs-ap.36207/#post-236129

    Notice that I talked about how Dan and I were both Christians, we both struggled when a woman in our lives - his girlfriend and my mom - caught us with porn. Then I gave him the option of contacting me through emails, skype, google hangouts, whatever he preferred.

    I know you right now have a lot of fears about getting one. I heard this advice about accountability over and over and over, but I was too afraid to admit over the NoFap forums or to anyone that I needed one.

    I was afraid my accountability partner would judge me. I was afraid to admitting how shamed I was about my porn addiction and the nasty porn I watched - double penetration, anal, pov, etc.

    Porn addiction is probably the most intimate addiction a guy can share so it's okay to feel afraid about getting a accountability partner. But my accountability partner understood and in the end I actually felt relieved to admit my problems to him and have him relate to me.

    But I honestly don't know how else I could have gotten this far - to 10 days - had my mind not been telling me:

    "Yibo, you are going to have to admit that you watched porn today.. don't do it."

    It sounds horrible but, porn addiction is something that you can't fight alone - you can't trust that your mind is going to be able to resist porn in the heat of the moment. It won't. It's addicted to dopamine. IT CRAVES IT LIKE A KID BEGGING FOR CANDY.

    I've relapsed over and over the past 3-4 years since I got addicted. For the first time in my life, today is day 10 of my reboot. The only reason I have made it this far was because I got an accountability partner from the NoFap forums 13 days ago.

    Okay, now on to the third habit. Meditating five breaths every single day.
    I try every morning to meditate after breakfast. Sometimes I forget to do this when the morning gets so busy. However, I found forming the tiny habit of taking five deep breaths and becoming aware of my thoughts and feelings absolutely critical in getting me through these past 10 days.

    Remember on this third habit of meditating to start with a tiny habit - a habit so easy that you will actually do it every day. Just start with breathing five breaths. This advice comes from a TED talk from a Stanford psychology professor named BJ Fogg (link below).

    Humans are fundamentally lazy and lack willpower. Don't say that you will meditate 30 mins a day... You'll give up after a few days and end up going back to surfing Facebook/YouTube.

    Start with a tiny habit - breathe 5 breaths.

    If you feel that you can't meditate in the morning, try at night before you fall asleep. But remember consistency is key. It's all about doing this tiny habit each day and making it a daily routine.

    "But, Yibo, I don't know how to meditate! What should I do?"

    That's okay. I didn't know how either when I first started.

    But I learned from a great free meditation app called Stop Breathe and Think.

    https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/stop-breathe-think/id778848692?mt=8

    The app basically teaches you to become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and breathe.
    Definitely listen to 3 min Mindful Breathing meditation every morning for the next week if you're new to meditation.
    Plus, meditation will also help you relax whenever you get stressed and help you find inner peace.

    On to the fourth habit. Taking a cold shower.

    When I first heard this advice, I was like "What the heck?! No way! It's too cold!"

    But I just kept hearing it over and over from people on reddit who succeeded in the 90 Day NoFap challenge.

    The moment a drop of cold water hit me in the shower, I turned the faucet back to hot water. I just couldn't stand the pain. So what worked for me was just telling myself that I would just do it for 50 seconds and doing this every night.

    At night, after I brushed my teeth, I would start counting to fifty. I stood away from the shower and slowly got my feet wet first, then my arms, then my legs, then my hair. And finally my back - which has the most nerve endings. But remember it's about slowly immersing yourself in the cold shower.

    As you do this, keep repeating to yourself: "I accept this pain. It's only going to be 50 seconds. I accept that I am becoming like this cold water."

    This positive affirmation really helped me withstand the cold shower for those 50 seconds. Remember that the first minute of the cold shower is the worst. The more you resist, the more your body temperature will adopt to the cold water. And after 1-3 mins, the water no longer felt cold. Plus, after you take the 50 second cold shower, you will feel amazing.

    The moment the cold water hits your feet, you will feel your whole body tense up, including your stomach. This is a "fight or flight" response and will happen every time you get stressed, such as the panicking feeling you get when you start running out of time on an exam.

    When this happens remember to inhale and take deep breaths. And keep repeating that affirmation: "I accept this pain. It’s only going to be 50 seconds."

    This feeling which comes from the emotional part of your brain. When you take deep breaths, you gain control over your body again and allow the thinking part of your brain to work.

    Remember as humans, we are both logical and emotional creatures. But sometimes we allow our emotions/feelings to take control of our logical side - like when we get angry or when we give in to sexual urges/feelings.

    I don't know why the heck a cold shower helps other than it does. Like ever since I started doing it consistently every night, this is the first time in my life I've been able to go 10 days without PMO. I think it's because a cold shower teaches you to get used to discomfort. You have to win the mental battle in order to withstand the 50 seconds of cold water... which is the same for porn addiction.

    You'll get two conflicting thoughts in your mind as you take the cold shower. This is called cognitive dissonance.

    One side of your brain is literally screaming at you to stop the cold water and turn it back to hot water.
    The other side will be saying: "I accept this pain. It's only going to be 50 seconds. I accept that I am becoming like this cold water." You KEEP ON REPEATING THAT AFFIRMATION OVER AND OVER and slowly that other side of your mind will win the battle.

    In the same way, a PMO addiction is when you have two sides of your brain arguing.
    "Watch porn!" vs. "Don't fap!"

    But the first time, I remember I got to the feet and arms and then gave up and turned back to hot water. It’s okay if you give up before the 50 seconds. All that matters is that you gave it everything you got.

    Yup, that's about it. Remember that these four habits will take a while to implement into your life. It's not easy and will take discipline - getting used to discomfort and boredom.

    Let me know if you need me to clarify on anything about this advice. We're both in this challenge together. Also feel free to share this advice to anyone else you see who is struggling with NoFap.

    I know all this advice is a lot to take in. Don't get stressed. Take deep breaths. Remember that it's all about implementing this advice one small tiny habit at a time. Maybe start these next 2-3 weeks with just taking a cold shower after you brush your teeth, then add on meditation after breakfast or at night.

    It about winning the mental battle slowly. Don't worry if that first time you take a cold shower you give up within 5 seconds. Tell yourself it's a victory. Celebrate and go at it again the next day. It's all about creating that tiny habit of immersing yourself in cold water and celebrating that tiny success.

    Tiny success leads to big success. So never beat yourself up but keep on focusing on celebrating that tiny habit - which leads to a positive feedback loop and makes you want to do the tiny habit of getting in the cold water and meditating again. And again. And the next day.

    Talk is cheap. Take action. Implement this advice and I'm sure one day I'll be coming to get NoFap advice from you!

    Yours,
    Yibo

    - I posted this in the Newbies forum, but I thought you guys in the Addiction forum may find this helpful as well.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2015
  2. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    Wonderful post! It seems like you have a great way to keep yourself organized and started. Good luck buddy and I wish a grand journey in your travels!
     
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  3. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much Sun Bro! I hope this helps some of the newbies out with their NoFap challenge. Feel free to share this with anyone you think it may help!
     
  4. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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  5. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Yes, what a gem this is - such great insight early on in the recovery process. Some fundamental messages in there and articulated with great gusto! Well done, Yibo! :)
     
  6. Armed & Dangerous

    Armed & Dangerous Fapstronaut

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    I'm new to NoFap, but this is the best post I've seen. What an amazingly insightful system! It's great to know the what, but you provided the why, which helps the pre-frontal cortex to maintain control. Trying to maintain habits blindly has always been unmotivating for me. You have removed the blinders!
     
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  7. swifty82

    swifty82 Fapstronaut

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    This is great advice bro literally getting up now to take (or try to take!) my first cold shower!
     
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  8. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    @Armed & Dangerous

    Thank you for much a genuine compliment! We've both been through hell because of this porn addiction so it's a complete honor that my post was able to help you out buddy! A lot of people here will just give you a TOP TEN MOTIVATING NOFAP TRICKS!!!

    I've posted about this before, but what people who give NoFap advice fail to realize is again, we are logical and emotional creatures. You can give people all the NoFap tactics in the world but if you don't connect with them in EMOTIONAL LEVEL, you're fucked.

    Everyone keeps on saying "Never give up. Do cold shower, meditation, k9 filter, etc.. "

    But you have to think about what is going on in the newb's mind:

    Who are you? How can I trust you? How do I know your advice works?


    BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE TACTICS, You MUST establish an emotional connection.

    And you establish this emotional connection when you show that you CARE ABOUT THEM, KNOW THEIR FEARS, and that you've gone through the SAME HELL they've gone through because of porn addiction.

    That's the reason I didn't start just right out with the 4 essential habits but instead talked about my struggles:

    "
    I kept reading over and over about the benefits of NoFap - "more confidence, discipline, energy, ability to talk to girls... but those benefits never seemed achievable to me since I would relapse over and over."

    Best of luck with these 4 essential habits! Remember one tiny habit at a time! Feel free to message me if there's anything I can help you with!
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2015
  9. Mike98

    Mike98 Fapstronaut

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    The bit about cognitive dissonance and us being both logical and emotional creatures brought everything into perspective for me. I've never related these things to PMO for some reason. Thanks, Yibo! You're freaking brilliant.
     
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  10. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    @Mike98 Thanks buddy!

    Yeah, a lot of the times we definitely talk way too much about the tactical advice stuff (cold shower, meditation, k9 filter) and not the deep psychology of porn addiction. Nor do we ever thing about getting into the heads of a person who is new to NoFap and address their fears.

    In you're wondering how I learned about all this psychology stuff, it was from that blog post about the guy who went 70 days without NoFap and from this entrepreneurship blog I'm reading called IWillTeachYouToBeRich.

    For example, this was the post that first got me thinking about cognitive dissonance - http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/how-to-strategically-evoke-cognitive-dissonance/.

    I also noticed that in the sale pages that Ramit - the author of IWillTeachYouToBeRich - would first address a person's fears about his courses before he talked about what the course did.

    e.g. What if I don't have the time to do your course Ramit?
    Ramit's Response: You have life-time access to the course. Plus you get a 60-day money back guarantee. Try the FULL course for FREE and if it doesn't satisfy you, I'll give you a FULL Refund.

    And as I thought about why Ramit would do this, it made sense that you have to first connect with someone emotionally - understand their fears and limiting beliefs - before you give them the tactical advice.

    Anyways, Mike, I'm glad you were found this helpful. And thanks for such a sincere compliment!
     
  11. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    Hey Swifty82, Thanks for such a nice compliment buddy! We're in this challenge together so we'll have to fight through the storms together - even they are only "cold showers", eh? :p
     
  12. Excellent, Yibo. Truly motivational. Thanks for such a great post.
     
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  13. nowornever

    nowornever Fapstronaut

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    That's an incredibly helpful post, YiboW. It essentially summarizes everything I ever read about recovery. And it's like you say, after all that reading you are so overwhelmed with information not knowing where to start and what to apply. So, I may actually print it out and keep it somewhere handy on my desk :) By the way, what do you think about the idea of rebuilding an addict's self-image? How important is that you think, especially while being in recovery? For example me, I have got about 15+ years of PMO behind me. I am 36 now and I am not very proud about myself as you can imagine. I honestly see myself as a real douche bag and feel a lot of shame what has happened in my past. This is not only about my PMO issue, and the thousands of hours I must have literally wasted, but imagine all the opportunities I have missed in my life because of this crap addiction! So, I guess I cant feel any lower than right now, and I need to find a way to also rebuild my self-image of the person I really want to be. Just wondering if you got any thoughts about this. Thanks alot & I appreciate your amazing post!

    Cheers,

    NowOrNever
     
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  14. Mike98

    Mike98 Fapstronaut

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    I'd say remove all guilt and shame. Now. Those do not help you on your road to rebooting, recovery, or whatever. They set you back. Self-loathing, depression, anxiety, etc are probably what got you hooked to PMO in the first place. (confident, assured, and feel good attitudes don't make you want to escape reality!) You have to change the way you think. And I don't just mean thinking more positive. I mean change the way you think in the literal sense. And that first starts by eliminating your self-image issue. Get outside, take a walk, and reflect on yourself. Here's some of the questions you should ask yourself: "What are my insecurities? When did I get them? Did I always have self-image issues or is this something that happened after an unfortunate situation? Why did I let this self-image issue control my life for so long?"

    Whether you have 15 years of PMO behind you, or in my case, 4 - that doesn't matter. I felt the same way you do about your self-image before starting this reboot process. After spending hours and hours of reading books, browsing forums, I've realized that you have to fundamentally change the way you think. That's what "rebooting" is actually all about. You're trying to revert the rewiring that has been done by PMO. It strengthened all of the things you're trying to get rid of. Self-loathing, depression, anxiety, guilt, self-image issues, etc. This is why changing the way you think is an absolute must!

    I've been talking a lot about changing the way you think, but not explaining how. This is how I did it.

    1. Watching Ted Talks on a variety of subjects
    2. Reading more and more on self-improvement
    3. Stalking forums on NoFap
    4. Reading biographies of some of the greatest men to ever live. (basically, they didn't have porn and achieved great things. so... what habits did they have? can I apply them to my life?
    5. Exercising and just being out of the home more.

    The main focus here is replacing your PMO habit with GOOD habits and changing the way you think along the way.

    I wish you the best! Send a post or a message at me whenever you want and I'll get back to you.
     
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  15. YiboW

    YiboW Fapstronaut

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    @Mike98 That reply about fundamentally changing your self-image was just bloody brilliant!
    I've never thought about it that way. Thanks so much for sharing this with us!

    Mike, seriously, you should consider being a motivational speaker.

    Words of wisdom from inspirational speaker Mike:

    "You have to change the way you think. And I don't just mean thinking more positive. I mean change the way you think in the literal sense."

    But yeah, everything Mike says is so spot on! If I can add one more statement, the way I see it, the NoFap challenge is more than just abstaining from porn. It's a mental and spiritual journey.

    It's a challenge about re-discovering ourselves again. A challenge to remove our old fundamental beliefs of thinking of ourselves as perverts who look at naked babes all day to the fundamental belief that we are MEN with discipline, integrity, compassion to help others through this journey, and respect that woman are not virtual sex toys, but human beings as well.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2015
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  16. nowornever

    nowornever Fapstronaut

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    Brilliant post Mike98. Thank you so much.
    I have been thinking about changing my self-image for quite some time, because staying away from porn wont be the end of the story. There has to be an underlying problem that goes far beyond naked bodies. I think in my case, it's lack of self-esteem and confidence. And because of this, I feel that I missed many opportunities in life, especially in terms of past girlfriends and career etc. Even though I am happily married now and my career is sort of back on track, I still keep thinking of it from time to time and it truly bothers me. But I need to change my thinking, because all there is, is the current present moment we live in. I am actually really truly into self development; especially people that are high achievers, such as Elon Musk or Richard Branson. To get more productive and smarter in the things I want to do in life is my ultimate goal. However, this is never going to happen if P keeps part of my life! So for now, I want to focus on finishing off my first week of being free from PMO. That's all I truly desire for now. 15 years is a long time and it makes me cry thinking of all the time and missed opportunities wasted!

    So, thanks again Mike98. I am sure I'll msg you soon and report back with my progress! All the best to you too!

    NowOrNever
     
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