From deep depression, hundreds of relapses and hopelessness to day 32 no pmo,its just the beginning

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Deleted Account, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. Hello guys,my name is Mat. I write this story to show to especially the ones who are where i was, encourage to never give up. I discovered i was addicted to porn/masturbation about 2,5 years ago. In that time i was so stuck. That i could not even go 2 days without pmo. These last 2.5 years i had lots of depression and relapses, learned a lot after every relapse. In my last relapse-binged, i binged 3 days in a row a couple times a day and i felt so depressed and hopeless that i even started to ask myself the sense of me living, pretty scary thougt. Well I knew i had to make things happen... So i bought a book; the porn addiction cure from Matt Peplinski, a former porn addict and i learned a lot of mindfullness that i could use when urges came. I studied for a week the whole book, and after that i had to leave the house... i could not stay because i was so deep in my depression. So at 3 a clock at night i booked a flight to the Canarian Islans (myself i live in Nice, French Riviera, south Europe). And went there 2 weeks. to get my mind togheter. My activities that i did and tips i would give:
    Especially the first month: stay bizzy, workout regularly, listen music that makes you happy, dont think too much about nofap put in everyday a moment where you can watch a nofap vid or get more knowledge. Avoid Triggers... That was my biggest problem. So i stopped reading my facebook newsfeed, deleted instagram (6months ago). limited my snapchat activity. Also no videoclips watching because in the most of them are wayy to many triggers. With that i got out the way of explicit music, cause that triggers me too, and on tv i could not see a lot of things simply due to triggers.. because.. sex is everywhere on the media, its crazy. In therms of URGES... In these last 2,5 years i ve made streaks from 2 days up to 48 and everytime the reason i relapsed was due to the urges and my mind fooling me. So if you feel an urge coming up, know that its just a thougt, not moe. If i feel urges, i dont fight them, i observe them and knos its just an urge, like an imageof a horse of mountain on a screen. And watch out for the brain fooling you. If i fight the urges my brain starts saying; Coime on Mat, porn is not that bad for you? everybody watches it! Or ; yeah come on just 1 hour per week, or : man youre missing out on life.... And when i finally relapse for wich ever reason, the moment i ejaculate, INSTANT REGRET.. And its the worst feeling ever when you know you just messed up your streak for the 100st time and youre thougts before relapsing where all so wrong.. So these new techniques i used leaded to the fact that till today on day 32 i ve had 0 intense urges. Because when i felt one coming up in the back of my mind i handled it differently and did not started to doubt about the nofap lifestyle or fight the urges in the wrong way :) i hope i dont sound too arrogant, i just want to say that even if youre just starting out nofap and are currently in a nonstop cycle or just needed some motivation. Never ever give up. I ve been through the worst binge relapses, depressions, i even told my parents about the addiction what was the scariest thing i ve done in my life. I litterally thougt im gonna stay addicted and relapsing forever. Its just day 32 but i feel very confident about the rest of my journey to 90 days. Here some benefits that i have comparing to my day 0. I have more motivation, more energy, especially in the gym. More confidence and the urge to be social, also i start little by little feel that feeling of being a child again. My social enxiety is already less and i dont really care what people think about me.Life has a meaning again for me and i am happy to live, happy to enjoy just sitting on the beach and watch some birds, thos little things due to my receptors restoring. Im going back towork, starting a little study next to it and start learning spanish. It feels all so new but thats normal since im coming slowly out of the dark tunnel now. My next story will be at 6à days and after ofcourse 90 days, because now its just the beginning but a good beginning. Guys never give up!! it will take time but there is gonna be results :) have a blessed day brothers and if anyone has questions its my pleasure to answer them! Mat
  2. Thx for your story, very strengthened my determination.
  3. Im happy to hear that man :) that s my goal with this post :)
    sneket likes this.
  4. Gideonite

    Gideonite Fapstronaut

    Well done my friend! Keep up the good work. Godspeed
  5. SkyBoy1984

    SkyBoy1984 Fapstronaut

    Thank you for this. I am currently stuck in this destructive cycle of 4 days at the most clean, relapsing, then starting over again. I’ve probably relapsed 50 times over the last year or so. Thanks for your post.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. sectumsempra

    sectumsempra Fapstronaut

    I just relapsed today and realized this.. the moment i ejaculated i knew i could have walked away from it but didn't. And that's crushing..
  7. rockstarpsr

    rockstarpsr Fapstronaut

    Awesome and inspiring post! One day I want to be in your position and say that even i am on the verge of conquering PMO
    Deleted Account and Mark Watson like this.
  8. BlueMan91

    BlueMan91 Fapstronaut

    Very inspiring man.. Thank you
    I must change likes this.
  9. UnitCircular

    UnitCircular Fapstronaut

    Nice Job on getting past 30 days! That is a big milestone. I also relate to your post about using mindfulness to not fight urges, fighting urges seems to create more stress and makes it tougher to prevent a relapse. Anyhow, congratulations and good luck on the way to 90 days.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. i want to feel the same
    well done sir
  11. Sorry for your relapse brother. Believe me you most likely will in 30days as long as you stay on the journey ;) Good luck brother, never give up!
  12. Adil safi

    Adil safi Guest

    Brother when you were misturbating you hair became thinner and fall out and now you leave misturbation now is there any changes in you hair i mean you hair become thick and healthy or not and what about your face beuty
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. Soupster

    Soupster Fapstronaut

    Good job Mat. Stay Strong
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. I ve seen absolutely no difference in hair growth, i think the hair part is moslty placebo!
  15. Soory for your relapse man, you too stay strong!
  16. Rey Rey

    Rey Rey Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this post it' really informative and a blessing surely
  17. You're the man! You can do this, I believe in you!
  18. Ashar

    Ashar Fapstronaut

    Mat amazing story bro thank you.I am on my way to become the same
  19. Thnxxx Brooo Itss veryy Inspiringg Helped a lot in our Streakk Thnxxx Brooo
  20. Patillitas

    Patillitas Fapstronaut

    Hello man, Your story is very inspirational, amazing and motivation. Thnks to share it with us and keep strong, go beyond that you can. @Mat1992 I am from SouthAmerica if you need someone to practice your spanish. Good vibes men!

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