From Forever Alone to Living a Good Live

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Phileas Brainfog, Oct 29, 2018.

  1. Phileas Brainfog

    Phileas Brainfog New Fapstronaut

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    A while ago I saw someone asking on NoFap if anyone ever transformed from being "forever alone" to someone who has a good life. I don't remember who this was and in which of the subforums he asked this question, but I think I owe him an answer nonetheless.

    The answer is yes, it is possible. It is now 209 days ago since I masturbated the last time and I haven't watched porn during this time neither. The effects of this have transformed me into someone I would not even have dreamed of to become before starting NoFap. This makes me enormously grateful towards the people contributing to this website and I hope I can inspire someone who is now in a situation similar to mine before I started NoFap.

    So who was I? I was 26 years old and never had a girlfriend. And yes, I also never had sex. I watched porn maybe 2-3 times and masturbated maybe every second day, so
    I think I was not as deep in the porn swamp as many other guys in here. Also, I studied at a good college and I considered myself to be pretty disciplined. However, my confidence in myself was very low. I had good friends, but saw them less and less and a part of the reason for this was definitely my failure to build relations with women. This made me less and less confident around my friends and I also kinda started to avoid them. All in all it was a vicious cycle. I started reading a bit in the pickup literature and this definitely helped me. I also started to approach women
    but the conversations always faded out and I didn't really know what to say. In retrospective it looks like I just lacked vigor. More and more I became... forever alone.

    I started NoFap almost accidentally. I moved to another town to write my thesis
    and first lived in a hostel and afterwards in a shared flat with thin walls. Of course, there would have been occasions to fap but something just held me back. I remembered a friend of mine who once talked about his reboots a while ago and so I came to the NoFap webpage. I read some of the success stories and decided to give it a try: 90 days were the initial goal.

    The first two weeks weren't that hard. I did a lot of such streaks before just due to holidays and military experiences. After week two it became however super tough. Only reading the success stories in here kept me on track. What particularly helped me was showering cold, doing exercises regularly, meditation and keeping a diary. I also started to quit watching Youtube videos and reading the news. This was something that I wanted to achieve for years but never found the discipline to do so. It was
    the first sign for me that NoFap is working. I also participated in a half marathon during that time and generally felt an increase in focus. After around 40 days I even stopped drinking alcohol. Monk mode was on!

    From around day 40 to day 50 was probably the hardest time. I had a few wet dreams and the worst thing was the leakage all the time. Basically my dick looked like the mouth of a hungry dog, it was terrible. During this time I tried to approach women on the street but I never took the courage to actually talk to anyone. It was brutal. Also during that time I started using Tinder. I had a few matches and was writing with a couple of girls. Most of these conversations ended up quickly, however, contrary to intuition, they were making me less horny, so I kept on with it. After some time I texted with one girl with which the connection was great and after about two weeks
    of writing messages to each other we had a date!

    For me it was the first date since years and I was a shipwreck of a man at the beginning as I was very nervous. The date was however going quite well. This girl seemed to be very at ease with herself, yet she was by no means arrogant. This first date was giving me a lot of comfort. It meant some sort of progress for me and I was proud and happy after it.

    After this first date, it was still hard to cope with my permanent horniness. I also had an issue of many sleepless nights. There were at least five times when I was waking up at about 2 am and just couldn't continue to sleep. Normally I would have masturbated and fallen asleep after but this was no longer an option. However I continued. Also, I continued to date the girl from Tinder. I was however very nervous when it came to her. For example she once asked by text why I am on Tinder and this made me completely freak out. My old me would respond with something that would
    put me in the friend zone, but instead I was doing my exercises and then texted her back a good answer. It was going very well all in all and so after three dates we kissed and after 5 dates we had sex!

    At this point I was 77 days into NoFap. Of course, everything was getting way easier afterwards, with lots of sex. I cannot describe how much I liked that after all these years getting nowhere with women. And it felt amazing!

    After some weeks, the girl from Tinder who in the meantime became my girlfriend, went on holiday and I was back on the no PMO-path. During this time of about a month I went out only once and there was a girl who's a friend of a friend. I have not
    really remarked that girls hit on me more during NoFap yet but this woman went crazy. She touched me all the time and when I told her that I have a girlfriend she responded by remarking that my girlfriend is not around currently. I didn't do anything with her, because I wanted to be faithful towards my girlfriend, but damn, I saw the effect of NoFap on girls on action at that time.

    After I finished my thesis I went back to my old town. I'm still together with my girlfriend and I'm still on NoFap. I started practicing martial arts since I came back, which again, I wanted to do since years but I never found the courage to do so.

    I began looking back a bit on what I did different before starting NoFap and and how it changed my life. I was for example checking out what I have written to girls during my fapping years and I found that, with absolutely no exceptions, it was always me who at one point of the conversation just didn't text back anymore. I think that NoFap gives you a sense of determination that you cannot obtain otherwise. For me, NoFap is now a lifestyle and I want to abstain from masturbation as long as possible.

    Finally, I want to thank everybody that contributed on this page for spreading the ideas of sexual health. I cannot describe how much it improved my life!
     
  2. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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  3. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Great reading and thanks for sharing!

    Had a 40 days long streak not too long ago. I failed druing the flatline, and I failed at a test which made me feel worse during the flatline.

    Can really relate to the part when you text a girl, and it is us that breaks the contact. I myself have done it many times. Some of the reason is because I have belived that they are not interested and are just responding, but who knows. We can be totally wrong.

    Can I ask how long you were on PMO-path and how long was your second streak after the PMO-path, before you noticed a lot?

    How did you start the converstaion with the girl on tinder? Any tips? I feel like I start of boring, so some people judge me before we really start talking.

    Really motivates me to read that you went from a person who never had a girlfriend or sex to a person who did. I myself have never had a long relationship. I have maybe dated one girl seriously, but it did not end as I hoped.

    Thanks!
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2018
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  4. MusicMakingMonk

    MusicMakingMonk Fapstronaut

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    I feel you on that determination thing man. I know for a fact there have been girls that liked me, all over me in fact but I never really had the full drive to continue to engage. Personally though I'm gonna go through a full reboot before I even start dating anyone, I'm considering even going for a full six months just for good measure, and to go through the challenge of that. Build willpower and all. For now I'll just go out to parties and chat with some ladies here and there, which at this point of confidence and nofap is starting to get very fun and involves very little anxiety at this point.
    Congratulations on your progress and thanks for the inspiring post!
     
  5. bixxlow

    bixxlow Fapstronaut

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    Congratz ;D
     
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  6. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing, i really needed this right now.
     
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  7. ProtestPMO

    ProtestPMO Fapstronaut

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    What an inspiring story!
    I'm on day 48 and it's been a rough go over the past week but reading this assures that I'm on the right path.

    Thanks for sharing your story. One day I'll be doing the same thing.

    Cheers!
     
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  8. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

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    Impressive monk mode!
     
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  9. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    I have been on hard-mode for eight months at this point and although things have improved beyond belief since my former PMO-days there are still a few mental barriers to overcome before I really start to get where I want to be.
    I really don't want to live a life in solitude and even if I know I am getting closer to break free from this demon for every day I still cannot at the same time, imagine myself as being in a relationship, married or even having sex. Sometimes, I am still stricken by negative thoughts and feelings, although not nearly as often or intense as before.
    This kind of repetitive PTSD-thinking is probably my biggest mental barrier as I have beaten myself up quite hard in the past and it is still very hard to break free from to be honest.
    What have you guys done to break completely free from this kind of destructive and limiting thinking? Are there any special strategies or does it just takes lots of time and self-improvement (combined) over a longer period??
     
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  10. You made my heart burnin man. You are a motivation!
     
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  11. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    This website must have the option of bookmarking posts, man! I loved to read this post! Thanks a ton for posting! Please do make inspiring posts like these from time to time!
     
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  12. Turningpoint

    Turningpoint Fapstronaut

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    This story is amazing! overcoming the bad habit. Congratulations!
     
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  13. ShutOut

    ShutOut Fapstronaut

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    Great story man. You deserve it all!
     
  14. weron12

    weron12 Fapstronaut

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    nice story, thanks for sharing
     
  15. Phileas Brainfog

    Phileas Brainfog New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for all your support, I appreciate it very much!

    I've seen many questions and I try to answer them all.

    @SorryWontSayIt
    - I was on the PMO-path since like 12 or so. I don't remember exactly.
    - The second question I didn't quite understand. I noticed something probably after 3 or 4 weeks. Sure, before I was super horny all the time, but I didn't really feel any increase in focus before these 3 or 4 weeks.
    - Concerning the start of the conversation with the girl on Tinder, I was referring to the stuff she had in her description. I think the only tip for Tinder I have is to write only after a long time after you received a message and to first get your exercises done. And keep it funny. This worked for me, but I would definitely not consider myself as an expert.

    @Angus McGyver
    - Concerning your question how to overcome destructive and limiting thinking, I think this is a tough one, since I cannot claim to really understand your situation. What always helps me when destructive and limiting thinking is arising is, again, exercising. A quick run of about half an hour is making a huge difference. What is helping me as well is more generally to try to limit my internet consumption for example to quit all kind of news and Youtube. The goal is for me to be as active (by e.g. exercising, practicing an instrument or even reading books) as possible and to very cautiously select the media you passively consume. But again: This is just working for me.

    One more thing that I want to share in here is that I think writing my thesis greatly helped me on my NoFap streak. The reason for this may seem counterintuitive: I felt an enormous fear of failing during the process of writing it and in my head I said to myself "If you fap now, this could make you fail, and you will forever hate yourself for this". This helped me even in the most tempting situations. I got some bad habits back recently, like wasting too much time on Youtube, and without this connection, it's way trickier to end them.
     
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  16. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    What I meant by that was essentially the kind of mental block that pops up every time I am challenged with certain situations which I haven't been able to cope with very well in the past. A mental block that says: just give up, you have no chance. For example, if a beautiful girl walks by, I still (to this day) mostly get a crippling approach anxiety (although it gets a bit smaller for every month) that says me to give up and don't approach because I got no shot anyway. Although another part of me says, of course you have a shot as long as you try, it is the former demon that mostly takes over the mental pathways still.
    It is this kind of prevention-style thinking I need to get eradicated for good![/QUOTE]
     
  17. FrenchOliver

    FrenchOliver Fapstronaut

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  18. fan_of_all_might

    fan_of_all_might Fapstronaut

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    Love it bro. Reminds me of some better times. Stay strong and keep up the journey.
     
  19. Patillitas

    Patillitas Fapstronaut

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    Hey Phileas Brainfog, I read all your story. First of all, let me congratulate you, you did an amazing change life. Then, reading your story I found too many behaviour and things similars to me (situation with your friends, low confidence, I am not foreveralone but I am not glad with my present, I want to stop waste my time in internet, be more active); at the beginning of the story I felt that I was reading my own story. I really want to reach your same goals, firstly, confidence, discipline, and change life. Currently I am on 14 days, and you wrote then after week 2 was tougher for you, so, how did you do to keep fighting and don't give up friend? Please, share with me more tips, I would be really gratefull.
    Thanks for sharing your story with us, it really motivates me to keep and one day reach my goals like you today.
     

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