Peiskos
Fapstronaut
I remember when it all began for me. I suspect it was similar for many but I was 12-13 years old discovering images of women in bikinis in magazines and liking what I saw, innocent enough at this point I figured it was a normal part of growing up as a boy. Soon after this, I got my first computer, looking back my parents really shouldn't have allowed me to have my own computer in my own room with a door, but I use this as experience because I know if I have kids now I won't make that mistake and risk my child going through what I did.
This computer gave me the ability to search for whatever I wanted online, it was such a treasure trove of imagery at my fingertips and I was drunk off of it, it began with the generic stuff to eventually hardcore fetish related material. I'd PMO to it daily.
My teenage years were when I became bolder, I started visiting escorts and watching more and more extreme porn, I lost my virginity at 17 to an escort and went on to see what has to be 40-50 escorts from the ages of 17 to 24. I acted out all sorts of fantasies and recreated all sorts of scenes from porn, I became so off the rails that I even had hidden camera footage of many of these encounters and would PMO to that afterwards as well, so it was like a double whammy kind of thing. At the worst parts I was PMOing 5-6+ times a day. It was all such a rush to me, it was a drug and it was all illegal and dangerous which just added to the rush and thrill.
I noticed that in a lot of my encounters with escorts I couldn't perform the way I wanted to, of course it was my PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) forming and taking root.
I became very depressed and lonely, even growing up in high school I was a loner with very few friends, skipped prom etc.
I was 24 at this point and I remember it was like a watershed moment, I essentially broke down by myself in my room at my parents house, I had recently seen an escort I was feeling dejected and broken. Sick and ashamed at what my life was and terrified at where it was going if I didn't wake up and put an end to it and turn my life around. I felt like having a significant other was something I'd never get, I'd get jealous and bitter seeing sex scenes and romantic moments on tv, or couples in public. I stopped slacking, I worked harder, made more money and eventually moved out of my parents house.
I decided to bite the bullet and I know it's obviously not something that works for everyone but I downloaded a dating app, I stopped seeing escorts and I heavily reduced my porn usage, even then it was still hard but I was trying my best. I went in with zero expectations and I ended up meeting my first girlfriend. It suddenly was a world of firsts for me, talking to a woman online, eventually arranging a first date, showing up to that first date and somehow parlaying it into a long term relationship. It finally felt like things were changing for me, it was shocking to me that I had a girlfriend and someone that I didn't need to pay in order to have sex. But in terms of that we really took that part of our relationship slow. For a while we simply cuddled and held each other, it really helped me reboot my brain and help me re-sensitize for the time we finally did have sex, it made me think back to the day I was 17 and paid so much money to some random escort to lose it. I wish I had just waited.
I was a little honest in my journey with her and I do credit that as a major thing, that's why we waited, I shared my experience with porn addiction but I'll be honest I didn't share anything about visiting escorts, some people may have different opinions on sharing this but for me its something I have deep shame and regret about, I wasn't and probably am never ready to share those skeletons, I figured I've never cheated on her so its not worth bringing up, that's just something I'll have to live with.
I decided to leave it all behind, I became more religious, I went to a priest to actually confess these atrocities against myself and my soul and ask for forgiveness. I'm now in my early 30's and that girlfriend is now my fiancé. I marvel at what my life is now, being able to have a woman I love in my life and who loves me, to have actually had conversations about having children, meaningful conversations about life, it feels so far removed from that day I broke down in my room at my parents house in my early 20's. To have a healthy sex life free from any fetish fantasies and porn scenes. Just real love and real sex, and its more fulfilling than anything I ever watched or any escort I ever visited. The porn just doesn't compare, it never did.
It's been a journey, I feel like I was a late bloomer and I feel like I was at a fork in the road and I made the decision to go down the right road at the right time. I want people to know that turning it all around can happen, but you have to want it, I knew it was going to be a fight, and I also know some people just get luckier than others, I feel like I had some bounces go my way but in order for them to bounce your way you at the very least need to be willing to change and willing to try.
That's my success story, I'll always remember where I came from as motivation to never go back. I still visit this site and used it during my journey for support and to help others as well, this site also serves as a reminder because even if I do get urges today, I come here and I remind myself where I started and that I never can go back there.
This computer gave me the ability to search for whatever I wanted online, it was such a treasure trove of imagery at my fingertips and I was drunk off of it, it began with the generic stuff to eventually hardcore fetish related material. I'd PMO to it daily.
My teenage years were when I became bolder, I started visiting escorts and watching more and more extreme porn, I lost my virginity at 17 to an escort and went on to see what has to be 40-50 escorts from the ages of 17 to 24. I acted out all sorts of fantasies and recreated all sorts of scenes from porn, I became so off the rails that I even had hidden camera footage of many of these encounters and would PMO to that afterwards as well, so it was like a double whammy kind of thing. At the worst parts I was PMOing 5-6+ times a day. It was all such a rush to me, it was a drug and it was all illegal and dangerous which just added to the rush and thrill.
I noticed that in a lot of my encounters with escorts I couldn't perform the way I wanted to, of course it was my PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) forming and taking root.
I became very depressed and lonely, even growing up in high school I was a loner with very few friends, skipped prom etc.
I was 24 at this point and I remember it was like a watershed moment, I essentially broke down by myself in my room at my parents house, I had recently seen an escort I was feeling dejected and broken. Sick and ashamed at what my life was and terrified at where it was going if I didn't wake up and put an end to it and turn my life around. I felt like having a significant other was something I'd never get, I'd get jealous and bitter seeing sex scenes and romantic moments on tv, or couples in public. I stopped slacking, I worked harder, made more money and eventually moved out of my parents house.
I decided to bite the bullet and I know it's obviously not something that works for everyone but I downloaded a dating app, I stopped seeing escorts and I heavily reduced my porn usage, even then it was still hard but I was trying my best. I went in with zero expectations and I ended up meeting my first girlfriend. It suddenly was a world of firsts for me, talking to a woman online, eventually arranging a first date, showing up to that first date and somehow parlaying it into a long term relationship. It finally felt like things were changing for me, it was shocking to me that I had a girlfriend and someone that I didn't need to pay in order to have sex. But in terms of that we really took that part of our relationship slow. For a while we simply cuddled and held each other, it really helped me reboot my brain and help me re-sensitize for the time we finally did have sex, it made me think back to the day I was 17 and paid so much money to some random escort to lose it. I wish I had just waited.
I was a little honest in my journey with her and I do credit that as a major thing, that's why we waited, I shared my experience with porn addiction but I'll be honest I didn't share anything about visiting escorts, some people may have different opinions on sharing this but for me its something I have deep shame and regret about, I wasn't and probably am never ready to share those skeletons, I figured I've never cheated on her so its not worth bringing up, that's just something I'll have to live with.
I decided to leave it all behind, I became more religious, I went to a priest to actually confess these atrocities against myself and my soul and ask for forgiveness. I'm now in my early 30's and that girlfriend is now my fiancé. I marvel at what my life is now, being able to have a woman I love in my life and who loves me, to have actually had conversations about having children, meaningful conversations about life, it feels so far removed from that day I broke down in my room at my parents house in my early 20's. To have a healthy sex life free from any fetish fantasies and porn scenes. Just real love and real sex, and its more fulfilling than anything I ever watched or any escort I ever visited. The porn just doesn't compare, it never did.
It's been a journey, I feel like I was a late bloomer and I feel like I was at a fork in the road and I made the decision to go down the right road at the right time. I want people to know that turning it all around can happen, but you have to want it, I knew it was going to be a fight, and I also know some people just get luckier than others, I feel like I had some bounces go my way but in order for them to bounce your way you at the very least need to be willing to change and willing to try.
That's my success story, I'll always remember where I came from as motivation to never go back. I still visit this site and used it during my journey for support and to help others as well, this site also serves as a reminder because even if I do get urges today, I come here and I remind myself where I started and that I never can go back there.