Fucked up again... Need some help!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Neunzig, May 15, 2017.

  1. Neunzig

    Neunzig Fapstronaut

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    Hello!

    First of all, you are all amazing people. I really love the amount of help, motivation and encouragement going on here. So, thank you :emoji_heart:.

    So I've been trying to do the 90 day challenge for about 2 months now and the longest I've reached was 27 days. Ever since I relapsed on that streak, I've been relapsing every 2-4 days. A few days ago I was so determined and motivated and convinced that I would reach my goal on that streak, but I fucked up last night. I relapsed.

    The thing that boggles my mind is how motivated I would be, and how determined and sure that I would make it, and then when the urge hits, it's like I become a different person. I stop caring about my goal and whether I make it. I start convincing myself that all of this is pointless and that I don't need to do this. I forget about all of this and how bad I really want to stop. I start telling myself how I am a human being and that I was born this way, horny and with the need to masturbate. It's like I start thinking with my penis instead of my brain when I get the urge.

    Anyone has any idea on what to do when that happens? I know about cold showers, walking outside, meditation and doing something productive, but when I'm in bed at 2 am, none of these are possible really.

    Thank you for reading and for any help!
     
  2. john wheel

    john wheel Fapstronaut

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    I've just canned a 23 day streak and much of what you describe above i can relate to, especially the "suddenly you're a different person" bit which is oh so true.

    I think a practical solution to the 2 am dangerzone is no phone or laptop near the bed but instead have a pile of books to distract you instead - something light and humorous maybe or a gripping thriller - really anything that gets your mind off sex...i keep an old school kindle plugged in by the bed...after about 15 mins i fall asleep even if I'm enjoying what i'm reading.
     
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  3. Neunzig

    Neunzig Fapstronaut

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  4. MarchcharM

    MarchcharM Fapstronaut

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    Get an AP, find someone that you wouldn't want to disappoint, like a romantic partner if you are lucky enough, or a trust worthy friend. Someone from this community or a related 12 step program might work, but knowing that your actions have consequences on others helps me. Be 100% honest, lies are the fertilizer of this illness. Be honest on this forum if no where else and you WILL make it! Never, never give up, learn from your mistakes and start over. Best of luck! I'm with you!!
     
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  5. Neunzig

    Neunzig Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much! @john wheel, yeah I think i need to stop using my phone before bed, even though that might be challenging sometimes but books can distract me..
    @MarchcharM, Thank dude! I will try to find an AP, I think it'll help!

    Good luck to both of you too!
     
  6. Over-confidence can be a downfall unfortunately. I have been in your shoes countless times where I'll say to myself .. "right, from today, no PMO, NO MATTER WHAT etc." only to relapse shortly after. Just take 1 day at a time and consider everyday as 'Day 1' and don't be too hard on yourself for example, making promises and then hating yourself because you failed on those promises. Be chilled but cautious. Try to avoid triggers/fantasying and more importantly do not give up hope. It is possible for anyone, young or older to overcome this addiction and be normal again. You will learn more about yourself the further you go on the journey. I wish you well and good luck on your recovery.
     
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  7. MarchcharM

    MarchcharM Fapstronaut

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    100% agree with @battlewithin89 I've made all kinds of promises to myself over the years trying to give up this nasty behavior only to relapse. You're ready when you're ready and every failure is an opportunity to learn and be more prepared for the next time.
     
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  8. Happy Man

    Happy Man Fapstronaut

    When the urges come, you have to resist, be aware of the urges and let it do its thing. The urges might take up to 3 or 4 hours before it leaves. Know that it's normal.

    Note that each relapse makes nofap 10 times harder. It's important to NOT relapse in the first place
     
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  9. MarchcharM

    MarchcharM Fapstronaut

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    agreed, the pain of relapse is much worse than the pain of withdrawal.
     
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  10. masterjedi

    masterjedi Fapstronaut

    Just remember you are not alone. Many people, myself included, are in the same situation. We may not be posting all the time, either through embarrassment or social anxiety, but we all have been there and feel the same way. I've been an addict for 30 years now and I've barely made it to a 30-day streak no matter how hard I've tried.

    Perseverance is the key, keep at it and try to do a little more each time. We'll get there eventually!!
     
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  11. SelfControlIsTheGoal

    SelfControlIsTheGoal Fapstronaut

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    Rolling out of bed and do as many push-ups as you can muster and think about what it feels like to relapse, after that, I don't think you'll want to relapse.
     
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  12. Whitehammerhead

    Whitehammerhead Fapstronaut

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    You just have to say no to your urges. Control your mind do not let it control you. Say no. Remember what it feels like to relapse at the the end you are going to feel like shit and all your progress will be for nothing. Everyday you are closer to becoming who you really want to be. Compare the feeling of being progressive and confident to the feeling at the end of PMO. Not worth it its hard but I you really want it no pain no gain
     
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