Gay, Bi or not? Why me?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by kammaSati, Jul 16, 2019.

The thought of being gay (or bi) makes me

  1. suicidal

    8 vote(s)
    9.0%
  2. wanna vomit

    8 vote(s)
    9.0%
  3. shiver

    6 vote(s)
    6.7%
  4. feel uncomfortable

    50 vote(s)
    56.2%
  5. feel at ease

    18 vote(s)
    20.2%
  6. happy

    15 vote(s)
    16.9%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. wuuzap22

    wuuzap22 Fapstronaut

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    I am struggling with these thoughts about my sexuality a lot lately. The biggest problem right now is, that i have only known attraction through porn. never had a crush in school, never had a date or physical realtionship with either sex. i watched straight, lesbian, solo girls, all around girl focused porn all my live and still did a few days ago (until i decided to quit porn). So i thought i must be straight. Because PMO always kept me "satisfied" i never needed to go for a real relationship or real sexual interaction with real people. But something changed a few months ago. Somehow, all the straight porn (and all it´s subgenres) was not enough anymore. I still could MO, but it did not feel "right" anymore. Like it changed how i perceive porn. i got interessted in shemale porn and this is where my anxiety started to kick in.
    It is so stupid, i have watched tons and tons of f****ed up porn, but it never bothered me somehow. But as soon as i started to like a genre, that is in conflict with my core belief of beeing straight, it made me lose my shit.

    Right now i´m in this cycle of constantly checking and fantasizing about different scenarios with girls and guys. Could i imagine kissing a girl or a guy and liking it? could i imagine having sex with a girl or guy an liking it? Could i imagine living with a girl or a guy and liking it? How do i feel in the pressence of a guy or girl? so on and so forth and the answer is always different. somedays i´am not that attracted (in my mind) to girls = must be super gay and in denial. Somedays i am attracted to girls = must be bi. I never get that thought out of my head of liking guy, cause i have this weird feeling in my gut when thinking about them, that i never had befor in my life. It doesn´t feel good, it makes me axious. I can´t get an answer like this and it is driving me insane.
    Anyways, sry for the Long post. I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.
     
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  2. yourhomieishere

    yourhomieishere Fapstronaut

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    It's definitely a really hard answer to find. It's hard because it impacts your life so much.
     
  3. yourhomieishere

    yourhomieishere Fapstronaut

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    I have been struggling with that question for a while. I had a girlfriend and I really liked her, (but never got sexual with her you know). We were young so it was just romantic love. We have since broken up, and she's still the only girl I see myself with, (Yeah I know). Talking about being gay, I don't see it in my future, I want a wife and kids. But, I have a fetish of getting wedgies from/with guys. This has been the only thing that has turned me on in the past few months and it sucks. I'm a month into the reboot, and I still catch myself fantasizing about it a little until I put a stop to it in my head.
     
  4. Hi @wuuzap22 I know this can drive one crazy. That‘s why I started this thread. Did you read the OP? Go to the very start of this thread:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/gay-bi-or-not-why-me.241400/

    Tell me if you find yourself in there?
     
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  5. wuuzap22

    wuuzap22 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, i read the OP. i find myself in there to an extent.
    If it would be clear to me that i only like men, it probably wouldn´t nearly stress me out as much as it does right now. My mind wont let me settle right now. Thats the worst thing.
    I surely have a history of PMO addiction and escalating porn genres. For the vast majority of my life i only thought sexually about women and i still do it. It´s just not that satisfying anymore. Only recently those fantasies about men emerged and they come with conflicting feelings. it´s not like i feel gay 24h a day. And it surely isn´t a healthy state right now.
    Thanks for reading and your support. Just getting it of my chest helps a lot.
     
    csparbs91 likes this.
  6. If your mind won‘t let you settle then why don‘t You leave your mind alone for a change. What you are practicing is compulsive thinking. Stop it.
    There is no deadline for you to know what side you’re on. It‘s not that if you miss the straight exit by 25 you‘ll end up being caught in gayness for the rest of your life. Nor is it vice versa.
    Breathe man, relax for fucks sake. Stop watching porn all together. Stop the need to know. It‘ll tell you. It being your nature will show itself to you once you shut that self talk up. Maybe you‘re all of it. Check this:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality
    It‘s good you‘re here. Get it off your chest.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2019
  7. SaveTheSeedofLife

    SaveTheSeedofLife Fapstronaut

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    Interesting thread, being gay is a way of life just like a straight person. You have to be in love with the same sex. You have to have the ability to have sex with the same sex, you have to have the ability to stick with that person through the thin and thick. You can end up marrying or not doesn't matter. You have to have a strong attraction for the same sex. Now being straight is the same as above but would be the opposite sex.
    Anything out of that would be considered Bi or your straight curious. I have met straight guys that are just into a particular part of a male body that they really like and even makes them cum for example: male feet, mans ass, mans crotch, mans chest, mans eyes, his lips, hands, legs, ears, etc. YOU are still considered straight but you have a preference for those physical parts of a dude. Nothing wrong with that but gay guys are human too and if your only interested in something that you like from him to get off then be up front about it, tell him your straight but would like to get off doing what ever makes you get off like smelling, sucking, kissing, licking, etc. Don't pretend to be "gay" when your not. That is not cool.
    A lot of guys get scared about being gay because they know that for gays life is not easy due to discrimination from homophobes ( which research now proves that they are closeted gays that have not come to terms with themselves ) and religious fanatics or worried about gay sex in itself some guys just don't like to have another man put their cock inside of their anus. That is normal, you don't have too probably you are a top ( You stick it in a guys anus ). There are guys out there that are gay and only practice oral sex giving or receiving and there are straight guys out there that receive or give but your still considered straight. Sexuality is very complex and you really can not put a label unless its like I describe it in the beginning of this post. Just be mindful that everyone is human and treat them nice like you want to be treated. And yes you can be straight and receive oral from another guy and still be straight, does not mean anything. You just engaged with another human to get off and you felt the need to not waste your seed and prefer to feed it to someone regardless if its male of female. Some guys just like the power exchange of it. In other words some guys feel more straight, manly and powerful to receive oral and ejaculate in another guys mouth. Its all about perception. This might be the case for some of you guys. Porn might give you ideas but you are the one who molds it into existence and start believing that's who you are. Good example, you can watch a lot of comedy movies, does that make you a comedian? no. You get great ideas that you can utilize to make people laugh but you don't have it in you to be a comedian and start off in it as a career however some will continue to do so and realize this is who they are and was born for it. Porn can not make you gay, bi or what ever but if your eyes keeps going for the same sex and your curiosity get greater and you try it and you loved it then you need to reconsider who you are, what you like and don't like instead of getting scared and not dealing with it. It does not fix on its own. Come in terms with your sexuality and embrace who ever you are. You live once. I am pretty sure some guys gonna read this all wrong and going to have issues with what I wrote. Oh well, like I said, do you and live your life everyone is an adult and make sure there is mutual consent.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2019
  8. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

  9. SaveTheSeedofLife

    SaveTheSeedofLife Fapstronaut

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  10. rafael33

    rafael33 Fapstronaut

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    I am bi and there is no doubt I was born as bi. Same with gays and lesbians. Celebrating diversity - some people have a problem to do it.
     
  11. Defene
    tly going into my "nice quotes" book
     
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  12. Growing up in a more traditional Christian household, I'm sure I developed some distaste for M/M. While I've come to accept it while still not being completely comfortable with it, When I escalated to only M/M furry porn (mostly femboy stuff) I guess it was the taboo, some pysical relatability (never had a girlfriend either), and subconsciously knowing this isn't real human sex so this is OK.

    While I did distaste gays, I also had similar feelings towards furries for a while (never acted on them though, just kept to myself) until I eventually realized I was projecting my own insecurities onto another group of people I don't even know.

    The point is be aware of what you've done, know you're alright, and if they don't get it just leave them behind.
     
  13. SaveTheSeedofLife

    SaveTheSeedofLife Fapstronaut

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    Interesting, thanks for sharing. I grew up in a religious household however I did not have the information I needed to make the right decisions and the doctrine behind M was not the right info. I wish I could go back and never had masturbated and continued having wet dreams and embraced who I really was instead of denial. But we all learn.
     
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  14. Nil1991

    Nil1991 Fapstronaut

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    I used to have sex with """straight"""" guys(married or curious), I noticed that they are a bit different from the gays ones, they never kiss or do something more passionate. But they still looking me, over and over.

    Another thing that I realized is that those kind of guys didn't ask me face pics, it was about my body.

    At sex time, they always start soft.

    Well, I can't call them gays or bi. They do have a particular behavior.
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  15. Hm ... interesting. The particular behavior may be cause they are somewhere in between, a combination of shame or guilt, doubt and longing, hope for revelation.
     
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  16. csparbs91

    csparbs91 Fapstronaut

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    I have been almost brought to tears from frustration at some of the things people on here have said to each other about things that they perceive as gay. I am a gay male myself and I cannot express how happy I am to have seen your post.
    I am however very nervous to hear some people’s opinion of your great advice. Some people can never be fixed and it’s usually the ones that blame everyone else and can’t take responsibility.

    ok now I read the comments and I’m astounded by the amount of support and acceptance there is. I am very happy this thread is here. I’m a happily functioning (except for fapping of course) gay male who was helped and reassured by the conversation.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2019
    kammaSati likes this.

  17. You are suffering from HOCD, a form of OCD where you question your sexuality. Look it up, it will help you tons.
     
  18. Breadman

    Breadman Fapstronaut

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    I’m a bi guy. I always struggled with this idea of being gay (I was a sexual toy for an older man as a teen for four years.) the idea of bi now, gay later, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But at the age of 68 (I’m 70 now) I decided to tell my wife, my three adult children and a number of friends, gay and straight (by the way none of whom gave it much thought) all were supportive. I look back on my life and I think yes I had sex with 6 guys, 4 are still very good friends good friends. But who I love are my wife and kids and grandkids So my advice is embrace whatever you are, don’t force yourself into anything you don’t want to do. And you don’t have to do anything you don’t want. Just be, since outing myself the conflict, depression, the anxiety are all but gone. Now I wonder at everything.
     

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