Gay experience from gay porn ...but I'm straight

One thing I will never understand is that how you can say you are not gay or bisexual if you are able to become naked in front of other man and move your ass around him and eventually let him finger your ass, even that you were going on that beach to look for guys. Why your exhibitionism isn't just that you want to show yourself to girls. If you have a thought of man and showing yourself to a man and rubbing your butt around him then you must be at least bisexual. I am not gay and I watched porn for 23 years and when I saw a gay man between my open porn pages (opened by coincidence) I nearly pucked all over the computer and turned that page off straight away. It made me feel very uncomfortable. My taste has never changed in 23 years of watching porn, I never been looking at gay naked photos as I find it disgusting.

Please don't take this as an offending comment I am just saying my opinion. Not to worry stay strong and try not to do it again. Take it as an experience you want to avoid for next time.

 

@4DCreator, I know you said to not take that as offensive but it's hard not to.

Gay sex is not disgusting just because you think it is. Many people enjoy having gay experiences, including myself, and for you to diminish the way we live as 'disgusting' is extremely offensive. I don't call straight sex disgusting, despite the fact I might not want to get involved. If you find it disgusting then you need to take a look at why you find it so disgusting because the world is full of disgusting acts and two men or two women having sex isn't one of them.

And to counter your query, I'd say that pleasure is pleasure. Plenty of 'straight' men enjoy a little finger up their bum and would enjoy a blowjob if given by a woman or a man. Porn makes us more desire-driven to the point where gender doesn't matter as much anymore.

 

Sorry if I offended anybody. Apologize.

 

Thanks for sharing your situation. I can definitely relate to things that feel both pleasurable and shameful.

After reading others' comments and yours, it seems to me the thing you might want to consider first is getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases. This is the first decent thing to do for your girlfriend, yourself and any future partners.

If you've gotten tested already and are sure you are clean, good. I couldn't tell by your chronology but maybe you cheated on your girlfriend. If you don't believe you can be faithful, and you've expressed major doubts in your comment, you might need some time away from her until you can with certainty be faithful. You might need to break up with her, because it's really endangering her for you to continue this way. It's out of control at this point, you know? And her health and well-being don't deserve to be sacrificed to your libido. Please put her safety first. I know it's so hard but it's the humane thing to do. You are there to love and protect her from harm. If I misread this part, please excuse me.

Once you've considered your safety and hers, I'll bet a lot of shame you might not know is there will go away. You'll feel like a better person, because, deep down, you are a good, surely even a great person.

Next, it seems like people can get locked into behaviors because of shame about them. Shame keeps people stuck on thoughts and can often create tension with an erotic component. Shame is the kind of thing that makes you feel like you are forever tainted by your behavior so you might as well bend over and give into the taint. It's very possible that if you work on letting go of the shame, loosening your unconscious grip on it, the homosexual urges, which are bound by it it, will loosen and disappear as well.

Have you looked into HOCD - Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? It mimics homosexuality without actually being homosexuality. It's an interesting condition and from what I know of it, it seems to point to the truth of how we can make thoughts of something we obsessively fear come true. It's like we are deer in the headlights of our fears, watching them come toward us and into reality.

Although our fears can become self-fulfilling prophecies, they are no more inherently true than anything else we decide we want for our lives and go about setting into motion. Maybe by tracing how you've moved into increasingly gay behavior, you can understand your unconscious motivations and find the exact internal process that will take you to what you'll really, deeply, permanently love your life to be.

Take care, man. We're really all just babies inside trying to make sense out of the complexity. Please be gentle on yourself in the long run.

 

I think of it as the desire to be desired. The idea that somebody wants you that badly is intoxicating, and sadly it can be difficult to maintain in a long term relationship - especially if you have some self esteem issues (as I often do).

@Commit do you have any close male friends? Sometimes I think that part of my issues along these same lines has been a lack of male friendship, especially when I was a small child. That get's sublimated into a desire to have guys like me as a person, and that leads me to find ways to get male attention sexually - even though I am straight.

 

@Commit , wow what a story. I can understand where you're coming from since I got into pegging porn as well. There's that point where watching it leads to fantasizing so much about it that you crave to act it out. Thank goodness I never reached this point, but the temptation was definitely there to act out my fantasies, and I can completely understand why you did what you did. I'm sorry that your fantasy went so far, but the fact that you're here means you don't want to continue doing this and you're asking all of us for help. So please join us all in getting rid of PMO and ending this addiction. We all want the best for you and you want the best for yourself as well. I'm sure there are plenty of others on here that have experienced what you have and

Also @4DCreator , try to have some compassion in your heart man. This place is about support and helping our fellow humans in need. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone on this site criticized the mistakes you made in your life due to your porn addiction. It takes some courage to come here and speak the truth about your mistakes and we should be helping him and encouraging him to quit PMO.

Sorry to rant, but I believe we should stand up for truth and justice and all that good stuff...

 

Sometimes straight exhibitionists seem to hang out with gay men just because they are an easier market than straight women.

 

Commit l can relate to your story. I have been addicted to P for almost 55 years. It kept escalating from straight to BDSm to bi to transgendered person to gay and submissive. It has been a long trip. For the past 10 years it was mostly bi/gay/submissive. During the past 12 years I have been in a relationship with my current wife. I am lucky as I told her about my fantasies about wanting to satisfy a man.

 

She even tried to set it up with a friend of hers but it fell through at the last minute and we never tried it again. For years I have always wondered what it would have been like and feel regret that I haven’t been able to find out. My wife did use a strap on once, which I really enjoyed but she didn’t like be dominant as she submissive.

 

I am here because my P addiction has caused PIED, which at first thought was due to getting old, but then I would have no problem PMOing 2 or 3 times in an hour. My wife found this sight and it has helped tremendously. I am starting to feel much better about myself and the relationship with my wife is better with no more getting caught and lying about it.

 

I have been hardcore no PMO for 44 days and feel most of my P and fetishes disappearing. But I still get strong desires to satisfy a man. I am not sure that will ever go away, will just have to wait and see as my 90 reboot continues. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You tried things that a lot of us only dream of and not everything you try you will like. The rest of us can only wonder. Good luck.

 

This is spot on.

 

Dude, I really wouldn't worry about my sexual identity right now.
Unprotected anal with men is very risky in terms of HIV and other stds, no need to freak out but go see a doctor...

 

@Commit, what that guy did to you was totally messed up. If he was famous, it's the kind of shit that would be career-ending in post-MeToo America (think Kevin Spacey). You can take personal responsibility for going to the beach. But you're not responsible for what he did to you - that's on him.

I hit puberty really late (weird genetic thing), so when I was 21 I still looked like a 14-year-old. Which is not really something most 21-year-old women are looking for. You know who is looking for that? Middle-aged gay men. Not all of them, obviously, but there were definitely guys in any gay bar I went to who were really into my particular appearance. Which was a totally new experience for me, after watching my peers in high school all start shaving, bulking up, and getting laid (ok, not literally watching the last part). Even though I wasn't attracted to men, I got addicted to the knowledge that I was turning them on. I never went home with anyone, but I let them buy me drinks and grope me. I told myself it was about the free drinks, but it was about being a piece of meat that people wanted.
But because I wasn't attracted to the men, I didn't see it as a sex thing. It was just play-acting. Even if I had a girlfriend at the time. I finally went too far while on vacation in Buenos Aires - I stayed out all night while my fiance was back at our hotel with the flu. I was out bar-hopping with an accountant who spoke almost no English. He had trouble with the concept that I did not want his penis in my rectum. And my fiance had trouble understanding what the $%#& I thought I was doing, when I finally got back at 5 am. So I vowed to stop going to gay bars and "pretending" to be gay.
You can choose how you want to spend your time. If you give in to your desires every time you feel sad or anxious, it will only get worse.

 

Having sex with a man doesn’t mean you are gay. It simply means you had sex with a guy. You—only you—get to decide your sexual identity and preference. Here’s my new formula. Am I ashamed after I engaged in some sexual behavior. If so, I acted in a way incongruent with my values. And I may be doing so because sexual addiction is a disease of escalation. In my case, I’m in recovery for sex addiction. Lots of straight men have sex with other men because it’s simply easy to do so. The hole doesn’t matter. It’s the forbidden or new that brings the momentary thrill. Of course, that thrill often turns to disgust at self after the fact. But—thank goodness—our brains can be rescued and rewired. We can life a life congruent with our values. We can recapture the freedom of choice.

 

Lol. You can always read articles on google or look at photographs of nude girls if you want to change your mind for being gay. I find quite stupid and men who are not comfortable with each other want to turn gay instead.