I am dl gay. I been addicted to pmo and did it daily since i was a 10. I've been trying to stay away frm pmo for a few months now. Been doing it once a week mostly. Longest streak i had was 2 weeks. My biggest problem is my loneliness gets to me. Especially when i drink. I like to get on the grindr app and try for hookups. But no luck most of the time. I need to quit that. Idk.... its just extremely complicated for me.
D
Deleted Account
Guest
I understand you. I'm too single and I end up using P as a relief.
I'm already a week without PMO for the first time since I was 16!
I'm already a week without PMO for the first time since I was 16!
Awesome. Keep it up. I would like to go past my 2 week streak. But its hard. Especially lately. Loneliness is getting to me. And i think about relapsing more
AJ1985
New Fapstronaut
It’s just my 1st day I’ve been going through the same thing. As I started to feel lonely I switched on my Grindr and looked around. It only got me worse and made me more stressed so I turned it off and uninstalled it. Came here and started reading post. It’s 9 pm here in Australia and I’m glad I made through it.
You’ll make it too mate.
Cheers.
arken3
Fapstronaut
GTFO of Grindr. It's the same as P, but maybe worse. It gives you false hope that something meaningful/real is about to happen. 99.9% of the time it doesn't. 95% of the time not even sex. What's the point?
A really good book I found that possibly helped me accept myself was, "A Life of Unlearning" by Anthony Venn-Brown. Sometimes we need to hear other perspectives to get our brains to see obvious answers.
Why DL? I was in the closet until 28, just 4 years ago. I shed anxiety I'd been holding since I was a child. If you are Christian and have been told you can't be gay, or else, then you had the same determination as I did to force myself to be (or appear to be) straight. You have to tell yourself you're OK with not being societies "norm" and allow yourself to live your life happy and positively. Being closeted leads to addictive behaviors and depression, a cost to pay for absolutely no logical reason whatsover. As a result, we turn to addiction, whether it's alcohol, drugs, P, dating apps, etc. Go cold turkey on all of the above for a while and practice positive thinking and/or meditation.
A really good book I found that possibly helped me accept myself was, "A Life of Unlearning" by Anthony Venn-Brown. Sometimes we need to hear other perspectives to get our brains to see obvious answers.
Yeah i hope i can stay away frm that app. Its hard for me tho. Especially when i drink
The dl part is just too complicated for me. But yeah want to quit cold turkey on everything but trigger are everywhere and its hard.
TurnTides
Fapstronaut
For a lot of people, shame is a huge thing. Like if family/friends were to find out, they might treat the person differently. This does come down to being comfortable with yourself regardless of everyone else's thoughts, that is a tall order.
Grindr, tinder, all the online nonsense are basically enablers, since there arent really any consequences, you're basically jumping from one dopamine rush following a crash back to another rush. A perpetual cycle.
Coming to terms with who you are is more important
Grindr, tinder, all the online nonsense are basically enablers, since there arent really any consequences, you're basically jumping from one dopamine rush following a crash back to another rush. A perpetual cycle.
Coming to terms with who you are is more important
arken3
Fapstronaut
I agree. It's the same reason we do NoFap. The cycle is vicious and what's the point? Depends on your goals, but I don't see many goals that are reached via the apps.
Perhaps the highest priority step that should be taken in one's life.Coming to terms with who you are is more important
D
Deleted Account
Guest
I think the closet is our biggest problem. For me I have to deal with consequences that are beyond repair, besides loneliness. I managed to keep 12 day streak but I've been relapsing since then. Living a freer life would definitely change this.
TurnTides
Fapstronaut
To be perfectly honest, I live a majority of my life alone, when not at work, and I've become kind of used to it. Not saying everyone has to just settle for what they have, just saying I'm more comfortable about it now than I was about it before. The only way to solve loneliness is to get out of your comfort zone and try to socialize during activities you enjoy. Friends are earned, not given, much like respect.
We all stagger from time to time. Just get back up, dust yourself off and try again.
motion2082
Fapstronaut
I think the one of the biggest problems for gay men is that most are ashamed of being gay publically. This is due to how society perceives gay behaviour in public which means you have to resort to seeking out gay relationships in private on dating apps such as grindr. Because it's difficult for some gay men to meet a gay man in a nightclub they resort to PMO which leads down the anxiety and depression path. Some gay men are scared to come out of the closet and admit their gay due to what people will think of them. It puts a lot of pressure on the already insecure gay man. I think perhaps seeking out non-dating site forums might be a good start to find like minded LGBTQ groups that get together and form friendships.
arken3
Fapstronaut
I feel your comments are spot-on and I feel the same way about these things. We really have a challenging life, don't we? And then we have other insecure men who have their own issues, which creates even more barriers for forming quality relationships easily.
Like..... NoFap ?
I do like this idea, but wonder what options there are for it? I'd also like there to be an in-person component where you actually get to meet eventually. Maybe regularly!
TurnTides
Fapstronaut
Like..... NoFap ?
I've heard of Eventbrite, a site people post groups and meetups all over. You might find something of value there. I've seen a lot of groups aimed at socializing with people, forming friendships, etc.
motion2082
Fapstronaut
Looked at www.meetup.com a few times. Covers all hobbies, sports and interest groups