General venting

Great idea for a thread. I had an idea for something similar and kept putting off actually doing it. I suppose theres some stuff I could get off my chest too. Most of it I think I've posted about before I think, but anyway...

I'm completely self aware of how soft I am during my everyday life and I hate it. I also hate how, when I try to not be like this, I often end up making whatever my issue is worse than if I had just not said anything, creating a situation where I keep running into the same problems over and over again and nothing really gets fixed. I'm mainly referring to my interactions with others, sometimes family, but mainly my friends. Or I should say "friends" because honestly at this point I dont consider anyone to actually be a friend, just a casual acquaintance.

I suppose I should explain with an example. Its already a red flag that I never (literally never) do anything with anyone in real life outside my immediate family, and that I do all my socialising with friends online or through videogames. But putting that aside for a moment, the power dynamic between me and my friends is so totally fucked that its gotten to the point I resent a lot of them.

Most of my friends I only talk to on social media, and out of that group, most of them wont even bother acknowledging a lot of the things I say to them. I admit I tend to talk a lot but I still think its not hard to at least acknowledge what I have said, even if that means just giving a thumbs up or replying with "lol" or something. You know, something that tells me I'm not just being ignored.

Then I have the friends I talk to while playing videogames or something. If these people choose not to talk to me on that given day, I'm alone all day, and I hate that they hold such power over me in that regard. One of them has a valid reason to be busy a lot of the time and as such I cant fairly/objectively judge them, even if it still annoys me, but the other guy is actively choosing to be as hard to contact as possible and noone and nothing can convince me I'm just being paranoid in thinking that. I'll tell him "Alright so I'll message you when I'm wanting to talk" and they will be open to that, but then, when I actually contact them, they wont answer, they will ignore anything I do message them with, and will basically ghost me until they suddenly decide to stop. Everything will return to normal, until it starts up again. This has been going on for more than 5 years now. What makes this worse is I genuinely dont think this is malice at work, its ignorance and lack of respect. I've directly called this person out many, many times and they wont change, even if they acknowledge the problem they clearly dont care enough to actually do anything about it. At the risk of sounding arrogant, its hard not to feel like this person is a lazy deadbeat who doesnt deserve my time or attention to begin with, but having said that, I cant stop myself from genuinely liking and getting along with the guy most of the time.

This is what I mean when I say I'm too soft. I KNOW in my heart and mind that I should just stop trying with the person and let them come to me. But I did that with someone I was friends with for years and even lived with for a while. And all that happened is they just never spoke to me again. As soon as I stopped talking, it was like they were never there. Maybe its pathetic to think like this and I need more self respect, but I'm worried if I stop trying, I'll end up with no friends at all. But on the flipside, I barely have real friends now anyway, so what difference would that really make? I dont know, I'm extremely conflicted on this.

 

I love venting .
For now I have only one vent. Why the hell can I not be a person like Sebbrix. All my life I wished to be like the person he described he is and still wish to be and yet I am here in my life scaling new heights of inefficiency on a daily basis. Being slapped on my face with proffs of my incompetence every other day and yet I refuse to wake up. Why in the world am I like this.

 

As if by magic, the guy I was referring to in my initial venting post contacted me ten minutes after I posted to ask if I wanted to hang out (still online but its something, especially in a pandemic) tomorrow.

I really ought to keep in mind that this doesnt negate anything I said. I have a nasty habit of running back to people who annoy me like a beaten wife or something. I'll take the guy up on his offer because I was planning on doing what he suggested anyway, but if not I would have been tempted to say no.

I hate how vindictive this shit makes me, but it is what it is.

 

I came here expecting a conversation about heating and AC systems. Suffice it to say I'm disappointed.

OK LETS GET SERIOUS NOW. Attraction isn't something that you can "put down on paper." I read all your posts and have some little memes that I'd like to share with you:

Meme #1

If they're your friends, it doesn't make sense that you'd say that. Now obviously being critical of yourself is a problem too. But if you don't know how to compare yourself to your friends without sounding elitist, then maybe you are letting your bitterness/cynicism get to you. Try to remove that lens if you can. Dating isn't an elite thing, if you ask me. Women don't carry around a checklist for every potential dating partner, and put them into a file based on how many boxes they check.

Meme #2

AHA! You might be onto something. This is a contradiction, is it not? Why would a woman willingly choose to date someone who has flaws, when she could easily find someone who is less flawed. Well, I'm afraid there is no contradiction, and you shouldn't be confused by this. Everyone has different different tastes, and there is simply no reason behind any of them. Love, attraction - these are strictly intuitive. You seem to think that when it comes to dating, people's success is determined by what they do, or what material conditions they satisfy, rather than who they are. In the first paragraph you listed a bunch of things that you think would qualify you for a romantic partner. Though some women like to see some of those things in men, the approach you are using is far too mathematical, I'm afraid.

Meme #3

This makes me sad, and you're only one of countless people who have formed this misconception about themselves. Your lack of success with dating does not indicate that you need fixing, or that anything is wrong with you as a person. I do see some things you have in common with a lot of other guys who experience the same difficulties. And these might not be part of who you are, but they are more likely attitudes you have developed over time as a result of unfulfilled ambitions. The two main things I see immediately are: negative self perception (or maybe feeling victimized by other people's perception of you), and a strong sense of entitlement. These two traits in particular are very devastating together, because they are guaranteed to make you feel shitty. I have seen hundreds of examples of people suffering from a similar mindset, and it definitely isn't healthy for you.

Now I tend to be a very critical person and it's hard for me to have empathy for others. When I want to help someone on this site I prefer to just be brutally honest without insulting them. But in case it's not clear, I don't believe you are a terrible person - far from it. I sincerely wish for you to have the kind of relationships you desire. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell you how precisely to get there, because that might require many long and thorough conversations. I will say that licensed clinicians and therapists are exactly the kind of people qualified for those types of conversations. Maybe you need a trained ear to help settle some of these conflicts within yourself, if you haven't tried that already.

Now go home and keep being a fuzzy bear. Here's a peepo

 

I honestly thought you were just referencing heating because its a kinda dull thing to complain about, until I looked at the thread title and remembered what it was actually called.

 

Vent no.2
Trying hard to end my YouTube use and now I'm on this site overusing it and wasting my time. Had my smartphone been a human I would have punched it thoroughly to vent my anger.

 

Uhhh... Life sucks right now

 

Venting is cool, although if I start to vent like I actually would love to the banhammer would rip my head off in a split second.

I think I have some serious issues, is like I cannot express certain emotions without getting overly aggresive and spitting bile. Also some of my views about certain topics apparently deem me worthy of being sacrificed to who knows what new gods of this ridiculous world we are step by step getting to live in.

I'm tired of having to keep most of what I actually think to myself or being able to express it to like 2-3 people who would actually understand why I am try to say even when I say it so aggresivily and passionate when talking about certain stuff and that my views may sound horrendous, specially on the current cultural climate...

Is like feeling on a damn isolated island and having to check slowly people's limits until I find a complete like-minded person, often people get offended or put me in this or that bracket before I can even start to real talk.... and even more often I find people being like-minded about certain things but then I touch other matters and they get shocked and think I'm a mad bastard that was lying because there is no way someone can hold both views.

Anyhow...

 

Bro, you can not negotiate attraction. You can however become the best version of yourself. You said you are 6 foot 3; that should put you ahead of the competition unless you are an awkward sperg, who is weird looking or look like Quasimodo. Play to your best strengths.

 

I can relate not more to this. But I can tolerate them . I have mine ,you have yours.

 

I think someone out in the world thinks I'm trying to or having sex with a man or a woman. I think that I'm having sex with a man or a woman. I think about trying to have sex with a woman more than a man. And that's my rant.

 

short and sweet

 

I don't know how to address this, but I won't try to give you advice without your request. I just hope that you're feeling better.