General venting

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Sebbrix, Feb 20, 2021.

  1. Sebbrix

    Sebbrix Fapstronaut

    It can be very hard to talk to people about certain things and sometimes we all just need to vent and get everything off our shoulders. This thread is for that exact purpose - not for advice, just for people to unload the trash that's weighing them down, to help us put things into words, to rationalise things and to get them down on paper.

    Rules of the thread;
    - Don't offer unsolicited advice - people might just want to get stuff out there and don't want to be told what to do. Support is always encouraged, however.
    - What gets posted on this thread, stays on this thread. If enough people post here then you will inevitably see somebody you know from elsewhere on the forums - what gets said here is anonymous and should not be repeated on other threads.
     
  2. Sebbrix

    Sebbrix Fapstronaut

    Here's my first vent.

    I have been considering how other people see me a lot recently, especially with regards to dating. Considering the factors that people usually quote as being attractive (this may come across as bragging, I'm just going on what other people have told me and trying to be objective); I'm very active and take good care of my body, I dress well and generally make sure I look good, I'm 6'3", I semi-regularly get told I'm good-looking, I eat healthily, I volunteer for charities, I have a good job with strong career prospects, I'm ambitious and am building my own tech company, and I have 2 masters degrees from a top 10 uni in the country. I can cook pretty darn well, I'm a good dancer, I have some self-defence training, I'm musical and can sing, I have an active social life, I love travelling, I'm an actor in my spare time and love theatre, I'm a hands on guy and can knock together a bookshelf by myself with relative ease, I'm regularly described as the comedian of most groups, and I love creating art in several forms, like drawing and origami. Basically, on paper, I seem to have a lot going for me.

    In spite of how I am on paper, however, I get practically no attention from women. I have had 1 proper girlfriend, and I almost never get with people at parties and the like. The one thing that I cannot be objective about, by definition, is my character and my personality. I'm forced to the conclusion, therefore, that I'm a terrible person and that nobody likes me as more than a friend because I'm simply unbearable to be around for extended periods of time. I cannot think of any other reason for why my love life is so sparse. I intend to speak with friends about my character and what I could do to improve it, in such a way that people might be more attracted to me. I feel totally worthless at the moment, knowing that there is nothing that I can achieve in the real world that will fill the craving I have for deeper personal connection. I look at some of my friends, who I love dearly (in a purely brotherly way), and I look at their accomplishments - they are shorter than me, arguably less physically attractive (thought of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder), don't keep active, don't have good jobs, don't do much in their spare time except binge netflix, are thick as a plank, don't have any hobbies, don't have any real ambition, basically they're less impressive human beings (I know how elitist and scummy that sounds, I don't know how else to put it) than me. Yet they have regular sex, many are in relationships, and they all consistently outperform me in the dating world. No matter how badly I crave connection, I won't be able to have it meaningfully until I fix myself, correct my character and become a less terrible person.

    So yeah, that's my Saturday morning... Probably going to go for a run later and grab some groceries for the next week
     
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  3. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Great idea for a thread. I had an idea for something similar and kept putting off actually doing it. I suppose theres some stuff I could get off my chest too. Most of it I think I've posted about before I think, but anyway...

    I'm completely self aware of how soft I am during my everyday life and I hate it. I also hate how, when I try to not be like this, I often end up making whatever my issue is worse than if I had just not said anything, creating a situation where I keep running into the same problems over and over again and nothing really gets fixed. I'm mainly referring to my interactions with others, sometimes family, but mainly my friends. Or I should say "friends" because honestly at this point I dont consider anyone to actually be a friend, just a casual acquaintance.

    I suppose I should explain with an example. Its already a red flag that I never (literally never) do anything with anyone in real life outside my immediate family, and that I do all my socialising with friends online or through videogames. But putting that aside for a moment, the power dynamic between me and my friends is so totally fucked that its gotten to the point I resent a lot of them.

    Most of my friends I only talk to on social media, and out of that group, most of them wont even bother acknowledging a lot of the things I say to them. I admit I tend to talk a lot but I still think its not hard to at least acknowledge what I have said, even if that means just giving a thumbs up or replying with "lol" or something. You know, something that tells me I'm not just being ignored.

    Then I have the friends I talk to while playing videogames or something. If these people choose not to talk to me on that given day, I'm alone all day, and I hate that they hold such power over me in that regard. One of them has a valid reason to be busy a lot of the time and as such I cant fairly/objectively judge them, even if it still annoys me, but the other guy is actively choosing to be as hard to contact as possible and noone and nothing can convince me I'm just being paranoid in thinking that. I'll tell him "Alright so I'll message you when I'm wanting to talk" and they will be open to that, but then, when I actually contact them, they wont answer, they will ignore anything I do message them with, and will basically ghost me until they suddenly decide to stop. Everything will return to normal, until it starts up again. This has been going on for more than 5 years now. What makes this worse is I genuinely dont think this is malice at work, its ignorance and lack of respect. I've directly called this person out many, many times and they wont change, even if they acknowledge the problem they clearly dont care enough to actually do anything about it. At the risk of sounding arrogant, its hard not to feel like this person is a lazy deadbeat who doesnt deserve my time or attention to begin with, but having said that, I cant stop myself from genuinely liking and getting along with the guy most of the time.

    This is what I mean when I say I'm too soft. I KNOW in my heart and mind that I should just stop trying with the person and let them come to me. But I did that with someone I was friends with for years and even lived with for a while. And all that happened is they just never spoke to me again. As soon as I stopped talking, it was like they were never there. Maybe its pathetic to think like this and I need more self respect, but I'm worried if I stop trying, I'll end up with no friends at all. But on the flipside, I barely have real friends now anyway, so what difference would that really make? I dont know, I'm extremely conflicted on this.
     
    Sebbrix likes this.
  4. I love venting .
    For now I have only one vent. Why the hell can I not be a person like Sebbrix. All my life I wished to be like the person he described he is and still wish to be and yet I am here in my life scaling new heights of inefficiency on a daily basis. Being slapped on my face with proffs of my incompetence every other day and yet I refuse to wake up. Why in the world am I like this.
     
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  5. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    As if by magic, the guy I was referring to in my initial venting post contacted me ten minutes after I posted to ask if I wanted to hang out (still online but its something, especially in a pandemic) tomorrow.

    I really ought to keep in mind that this doesnt negate anything I said. I have a nasty habit of running back to people who annoy me like a beaten wife or something. I'll take the guy up on his offer because I was planning on doing what he suggested anyway, but if not I would have been tempted to say no.

    I hate how vindictive this shit makes me, but it is what it is.
     
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  6. Sebbrix

    Sebbrix Fapstronaut

    Thanks so much for joining me gents! Also, @Munchausen, that has given me such a warm fuzzy feeling inside, thank you!
     
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  7. Sebbrix

    Sebbrix Fapstronaut

    What is it that makes me so detestable? Is it the way I am around people, or something deeper, something unchangeable? Or perhaps it's something different and people's hatred of me stems not from myself but from people's preconceived ideas about who I am, what I'm like and how terrible I am. In that case I ask myself, why not be terrible? I try to be a good person, I do charity work, I avoid hurting people, I help others whenever possible and expect nothing in return. Yet if people believe that I am in fact evil, I ask myself, why shouldn't I be? I silence the voices in my head, like any sane person, but what if I let them guide me? What if, driven largely by the primal instincts that exist in the darker part of my mind, I started acting solely to benefit myself, without stopping to consider other people? Perhaps then I would be able to achieve the things I want for myself, even if it would cost some dignity. In the words of Jordan B Peterson, to be a good person is not the same as being harmless, because the harmless person could do no evil if they chose to; instead it is to be capable of harming others, in whatever context that makes sense, and yet to choose not to - to have the capacity for evil, and yet to act against it. Perhaps that's where my problems lie. I have such a stranglehold over my evil persona, my Hyde, that people believe he does not exist, and that I am simply a harmless individual who could do nothing negative if he chose to. Maybe the solution to my troubles is to dispel this idea, to bathe myself in the light that I truly inhabit, rather than standing under somebody else's artificial light that they presume about me. To let out the anger and hatred that complete me as a human being, yet which I foolishly believe would taint others' idea of me, could in fact improve others' idea of me.

    Nobody texts me. I can send as many texts as I want, and people will reply, but nobody will ever initiate a conversation with me. I am never peoples' 'choice', rather a backup thought - "I'll reply, but I don't see any reason to put any effort into my relationship with him". It is only through our relationships with others that we can manifest our soul, else it is a point in the dark, unchecked, unrecognised, irrelevant. If none save my few closest fail to understand my soul then it does not exist, in effect, around those people. And so I wander, a soulless fuck, about my life, existing but never being, wanting but never receiving from those to whom I am nothing. Truly, a biologist cares more for an amoeba under a microscope than anyone must care for my soul.
     
  8. I came here expecting a conversation about heating and AC systems. Suffice it to say I'm disappointed.

    OK LETS GET SERIOUS NOW. Attraction isn't something that you can "put down on paper." I read all your posts and have some little memes that I'd like to share with you:

    Meme #1
    If they're your friends, it doesn't make sense that you'd say that. Now obviously being critical of yourself is a problem too. But if you don't know how to compare yourself to your friends without sounding elitist, then maybe you are letting your bitterness/cynicism get to you. Try to remove that lens if you can. Dating isn't an elite thing, if you ask me. Women don't carry around a checklist for every potential dating partner, and put them into a file based on how many boxes they check.

    Meme #2
    AHA! You might be onto something. This is a contradiction, is it not? Why would a woman willingly choose to date someone who has flaws, when she could easily find someone who is less flawed. Well, I'm afraid there is no contradiction, and you shouldn't be confused by this. Everyone has different different tastes, and there is simply no reason behind any of them. Love, attraction - these are strictly intuitive. You seem to think that when it comes to dating, people's success is determined by what they do, or what material conditions they satisfy, rather than who they are. In the first paragraph you listed a bunch of things that you think would qualify you for a romantic partner. Though some women like to see some of those things in men, the approach you are using is far too mathematical, I'm afraid.

    Meme #3
    This makes me sad, and you're only one of countless people who have formed this misconception about themselves. Your lack of success with dating does not indicate that you need fixing, or that anything is wrong with you as a person. I do see some things you have in common with a lot of other guys who experience the same difficulties. And these might not be part of who you are, but they are more likely attitudes you have developed over time as a result of unfulfilled ambitions. The two main things I see immediately are: negative self perception (or maybe feeling victimized by other people's perception of you), and a strong sense of entitlement. These two traits in particular are very devastating together, because they are guaranteed to make you feel shitty. I have seen hundreds of examples of people suffering from a similar mindset, and it definitely isn't healthy for you.

    Now I tend to be a very critical person and it's hard for me to have empathy for others. When I want to help someone on this site I prefer to just be brutally honest without insulting them. But in case it's not clear, I don't believe you are a terrible person - far from it. I sincerely wish for you to have the kind of relationships you desire. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell you how precisely to get there, because that might require many long and thorough conversations. I will say that licensed clinicians and therapists are exactly the kind of people qualified for those types of conversations. Maybe you need a trained ear to help settle some of these conflicts within yourself, if you haven't tried that already.

    Now go home and keep being a fuzzy bear. Here's a peepo [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2021
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  9. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I honestly thought you were just referencing heating because its a kinda dull thing to complain about, until I looked at the thread title and remembered what it was actually called.

    [​IMG]
     
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  10. Vent no.2
    Trying hard to end my YouTube use and now I'm on this site overusing it and wasting my time. Had my smartphone been a human I would have punched it thoroughly to vent my anger.
     
    Sebbrix likes this.
  11. PeterGrip

    PeterGrip Fapstronaut

    Uhhh... Life sucks right now
     
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  12. SickSicko

    SickSicko Fapstronaut

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    Venting is cool, although if I start to vent like I actually would love to the banhammer would rip my head off in a split second.

    I think I have some serious issues, is like I cannot express certain emotions without getting overly aggresive and spitting bile. Also some of my views about certain topics apparently deem me worthy of being sacrificed to who knows what new gods of this ridiculous world we are step by step getting to live in.

    I'm tired of having to keep most of what I actually think to myself or being able to express it to like 2-3 people who would actually understand why I am try to say even when I say it so aggresivily and passionate when talking about certain stuff and that my views may sound horrendous, specially on the current cultural climate...

    Is like feeling on a damn isolated island and having to check slowly people's limits until I find a complete like-minded person, often people get offended or put me in this or that bracket before I can even start to real talk.... and even more often I find people being like-minded about certain things but then I touch other matters and they get shocked and think I'm a mad bastard that was lying because there is no way someone can hold both views.

    Anyhow...

    [​IMG]
     
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  13. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    Bro, you can not negotiate attraction. You can however become the best version of yourself. You said you are 6 foot 3; that should put you ahead of the competition unless you are an awkward sperg, who is weird looking or look like Quasimodo. Play to your best strengths.
     
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  14. I can relate not more to this. But I can tolerate them . I have mine ,you have yours.
     
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  15. Sebbrix

    Sebbrix Fapstronaut

    I was in a pretty dark place when I posted those messages haha, I'm feeling slightly more sane now and I see how totally ridiculous I sounded!

    Another little vent/rant but about something more logical this time;
    Running feels so rough right now because I've got a small injury in my leg; I feel like an elephant stomping through my miles, feeling every step individually, instead of getting a flow and gliding along relatively easily. I wish there were better times to run - before work is really rubbish because I have to get up sooo early, and after work is just as bad because I'm tired from the work day and I just want to unwind. I wish I could go running at like 10-11 but my boss would probably have a fit!
    Also, you know how it's said that 'a glass of wine in the evening is good for your heart'? I've figured out why they say "a" glass, rather than several glasses - much harder to get up the next morning!
     
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  16. J053H32n4nd32

    J053H32n4nd32 Fapstronaut

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    I think someone out in the world thinks I'm trying to or having sex with a man or a woman. I think that I'm having sex with a man or a woman. I think about trying to have sex with a woman more than a man. And that's my rant.
     
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  17. short and sweet
     
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  18. Sebbrix

    Sebbrix Fapstronaut

    Another little vent from me...
    I actually want to flatten my housemate. He's a jealous, judgemental arsehole. He spends almost all of his time getting fat and watching tv, he never exercises, eats like a pig and yet he takes it out on me. He insults me all the time for going to the gym and running, saying things like "you're a skinny guy, you'll never be a bodybuilder, why are you bothering", "I'd rather enjoy my life than spend all my time exercising" etc. He makes it 100x worse when he insults my dietary choices - he's a carnivore and eats meat with lunch and dinner every day, and even though I never mention it he seems to feel threatened by the fact that I'm a vegetarian, bordering on vegan. He regularly insults my cooking, saying "that looks disgusting, where's the meat?", "I would never eat vegan food, it's all disgusting", and he insults me directly by saying things like "vegans are just the worst kinds of people", "vegetarian isn't a proper way to eat, just grow up and stop following a stupid diet". I have done nothing to this prick, but he proactively tries to make me feel shit - clearly he's unwilling to accept any kind of responsibility for his life and so he needs to put others down instead of living a decent life.

    I'm not going to say that I'm perfect - I'm anything but perfect, but the things that he chooses to attack me on are the most illogical things, on things that I am doing purely for myself, and I honestly, genuinely hate him
     
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  19. Sebbrix

    Sebbrix Fapstronaut

    I'm gonna get dark in this one, sorry in advance...

    I've just got back from a bridge. I was on the edge of this bridge for about 45 minutes, considering whether or not to jump. Not too long after I arrived, a woman with a dog walked past - she asked if I was ok and, in my broken state of mind, I said yes and I told her not to worry. For the remaining time that I was there, not a single person passing by checked up on me. That is, until the moment I left. The woman with the dog came back - "I didn't really believe you when you said you were ok", she said. I couldn't open up to her, or tell her my problems, but knowing that a stranger cared enough to come back and check on me was enough to help me walk home.

    I don't know why I am suicidal. I have never had a reason for it, it has always been a reason in and of itself. I tried reaching out to a friend before I went to the bridge but she was ill so I couldn't chat with her.

    I don't know how to end this post, my life still feels dark, but it's late so I'm going to go to bed and hope I feel a bit better in the morning
     
  20. boyfunkeh

    boyfunkeh Fapstronaut

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    I don't know how to address this, but I won't try to give you advice without your request. I just hope that you're feeling better.
     

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