Get it together.

Hi all.

I've spent far too long struggling with this problem. I can't even begin to quantify the sheer amount of time I've spent looking for videos, photos, or finding ways to hide my behaviors. So much lost productivity, so many missed opportunities. So much damage to relationships, as well as to myself. Especially my perception of myself. My seeming inability to shake these behaviors when they're so clearly detrimental has weakened my pride and lowered my ambitions.

As a former Marine, I've recently thought back to boot camp and some of the things that were screamed into my ear by drill instructors. Although they were often annoying and over the top, the message was solid. I've noticed the way of thinking and mindset they instilled in me has dwindled or even disappeared. Died alongside my ambitions
and self worth.

No more.

I'm going to stop beating around the bush, taking half measures. Throwing my hands up in defeat. One of the memories that stuck with me is a drill instructor screaming at a fellow recruit to "pull your socks up!". I hadn't heard the idiom before and didn't think much of it besides it seeming humorous. Turns out, it's a perfect mindset or theme to use for my recovery. It means ''to make an effort to improve your work or behavior because it is not good enough". How accurate is that? It's not good enough.
Starting today, I will give 100% effort to PullMySocksUp.

• No porn.
• No photos.
• No masturbating.
• No orgasms.
• Maximum effort to reduce exposure to the sexualized material that constantly surrounds us.
• Maximum effort to improve all aspects of my life. Eat healthier, be more active, go to bed on time. Wake up early enough to not have to rush out the door. Make my meals.. etc.

I have a feeling the effort needs to be universal and what better way to make sure I'm at my best to beat these behaviors than to clean up other aspects of my life as well.

If you read all of this, thanks and I hope maybe it helped in some way. If not, I'm talking to myself, and that's fine because this is something that I needed to put in words and think through.