Getting distracted by relationships

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Namekian23, Apr 14, 2016.

  1. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    As of now, I'm going through a lot of crap in my life. Such as looking for work and getting nowhere, dealing with more stress, getting terminated from my internship, and course, having no girlfriend...Having said that, I'm having difficultly trying to hang in there when I see a lot of people (mostly my friends) be in a relationship. For example, my best friend is getting married this year. My other best friend just go into this first relationship 6 months ago. My brother, on the other hand, recently has a new girlfriend 3 months ago. And finally, my youngest brother is dating with this girl in high school. The sad part is that I'm the oldest and I still haven't been in a relationship yet!

    I've never been so distracted by relationships in my life. The worst part was that last year I was heartbroken by this woman, and it was the worst emotional pain I've ever felt. To top it all all off, I was hurt a second time by another female who was the girl of my dreams. She apparently chose another guy over me. That's why I'm very cautious about relationships and I don't even want to think about it. And to make matters worse, every time when I hang out with my best friend, his girlfriend is always there. Not that I don't like her (we're good friends actually), but they always flirt in front of me. It gets pretty annoying sometimes.

    So how do I deal with this? It's bad enough that my best friend is always constantly saying, "You need a girlfriend" when the last thing I want to even THINK about is getting a girlfriend. That's annoying too. Anyway, how can I not distract myself when things aren't going so well and when most of my friends and brothers are in a relationship?
     
  2. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    only spirituality can set us free from our sins and all other distractions. i didn't believe it , but now it's happening. but the road to spirituality isn't peaceful as people say. it's a painful adventure.
     
    Namekian23 likes this.
  3. @Namekian23 I don't think I have a solution for you. But I might recommend a little, tiny thing that makes it easier for me. Gratefulness meditation. Just thinking about all the things you are grateful for. I'm sure you have something. Like maybe you have internet, lot's of people don't. You have shelter, probably TV, brother who loves you and rest of the family. A best friend, that's something everybody does not have, I don't. There are many things you could find to be grateful about, if you would want to find them. I do this. Well, not so much anymore. I have to take my advice and do it more often. But I used to do this every morning right after I wake up. Just lie there for 5 to 15 minutes and imagine in my head all the things that I am grateful of having in my life. And not just think about them, but visualize them vividly. And feel the actual emotion of gratefulness. Like a deep warm feeling in you chest.

    Didn't fix my life. And probably not gonna fix yours either. But what it did for me was it put it in perspective. And made me realize that it's not as bad as I think it is. That I have a lot of things to be happy about. Helps with stress. And also do mindfulness meditation, if you are not yet. Helps with stress too a lot.
     
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  4. MNinerZERO

    MNinerZERO Fapstronaut

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    Don't get too fixated on a relationship. The more you yearn for it, the more it eludes you.

    Just have fun. I know it's easier said than done, but you really have to stop caring. The more you think about this, the more you're going to stress yourself out. Don't do that. What you need to do is find a project and work on that.

    I'm 75 days in. Here was my experience....

    I, too, was yearning for a relationship during the beginning phase of Nofap. Why? It's because that shit was EVERYWHERE I looked. So many good looking couples around me, making out and having fun. Anyway, during the beginning phase (like 2-4 weeks in), I was depressed because of that. As I began to pass day 60 and so on, I began to care less and less about relationships. I started to shift my focus on more important things, like how am I going to be successful in life? And then, that's when the real self-improvement path started to kick in.

    Beginning phase of Nofap:
    185 lbs @ 5'9". High-pitched voice. Dressed really bummy. Didn't have confidence in myself. Cared too much for irrelevant opinions. Was trying to please everyone.

    Now:
    170 lbs @ 5'9 1/2". Lower-pitched voice. Better dressed (but I still look good in Bummy clothes). Have confidence and realistic expectations. Don't give two shits about other people's opinions. Out to benefit me and those who are on my squad (Stay loyal to La Familia).

    I don't get bothered by who's banging who. Honestly, look at this logically. How often do you hear of people getting together and breaking up? They spent all that time trying to convince each other that they were the "one". There is no the "one". There are many, so don't trip. Focus on getting yourself in order first...there are plenty of girls out there. Forget having a girlfriend at this point, just focus on getting to day 60 and beyond. Trust, everything does get better eventually. My mindset is UNBREAKABLE.

     
  5. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I absolutely agree with you man. All this time I was focusing girls thinking that they would make me happy when in reality, they didn't. I've made these stupid mistakes for so long, and now it's time to just stop. One of the things I've always wanted to do for a long time was to move out. At the same time having my own and a full time job. I never really experienced freedom before because I was always taking care of my parents while my younger brothers were in college.

    Anyway, you're right. I need to be happy and confident in myself before I can get into a relationship. Just imagine how much better off I'll be when I've accomplished the things I just mentioned above. I believe I do can do this. This is something I've always wanted. But other than that, I do appreciate your support. Good luck on your journey with Nofap.
     
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  6. Nice to see that realization you've had @Namekian23.

    I do hope one day you find a fulfilling relationship. You seem to have the right attitude now to attract it into your life. Patience and progress.
     
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  7. yousuff

    yousuff Fapstronaut

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    My idea to have a girl friend is just be my own , no matter who owns a gf or who is getting married is not my business. There is a lot of challegne ahead me to achieve in life than a gf. GF will come following a natural way and if it won't I wouldn't mind. I am happy at being single still.
     
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  8. its been said countless times, if you don't love yourself no one will love you. People must see that you're the person who loves himselfand is worthy of love. When I was in relationship I actually cared about relationships in general. my own, other peoples, but now that I'm not I don't give a damn. It's finally my time to shine and improve my life. You'll notice when you;re in relationship how many compromises youll have to do, just for the sake of relationship. So whats the point of being in the relatiohsip if you;re not allowed to do what you want. I mean it's not like I was forced to do it, but i had to chose it in order to not be an complete asshole all the time (half of the time is enough :D). I was agreeing to going on holiday to different countries, even when I was saving money for my business, I had to make this sacrifice, and now I have to work longer to save the amount i need. And for what. First relationship might seem like magic, but it just seems this way, its just a relatioship.
     
  9. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    I hear what you're saying man. However, I don't understand your meaning of "owning" a girlfriend. You don't own anybody; you are your own person, and you have the right to be with whoever you want to be. I think men who own their women are the possessive types, and these people should be avoided. Furthermore, I thought getting a girlfriend was an achievement too, but this is hardly the case. When you focus on yourself, girls will come naturally. You don't feel uncomfortable, you feel in the moment, and it happens when you least expect it. There's no need to achieve anything.

    Following your dreams, accomplishing your goals, and so on, those are the real achievements. I've been single all my life and I'm 28. Would I say I'm happy? Not entirely, but I've been hurt enough to give myself a break for once. Just focus on you okay? If you can't be happy with yourself, then how can you be happy with someone else? Being single is more of a choice to me, depending on the situation. You can be better off single for a while, maybe to give yourself a break or something, but nobody wants to be single forever.
     
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  10. cosmicspaceman

    cosmicspaceman Fapstronaut

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    I don't have any advice for you brother, but I wanted to say I appreciate this thread. I feel like I have this issue, and it was great to read through this thread.
     
  11. yousuff

    yousuff Fapstronaut

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    I really didn't mean 'possessive' by using the word 'owning'. I should have used 'have'. English is not my first language. Sorry.

    I am closer to 26 and never had a girl friend so far. A girl tried her most to be my girl friend but that time I was worried about how I am going to deal it so she tried elsewhere and married.
     
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