Getting image flashes repeatedly.

First thing you have to do is take a deep, deep breath and tell yourself that everything is going to be okay. It's perfectly normal and natural for these images to arise. There is nothing wrong with you for having them. If you had slept with a woman and the memory of that experience arose would you think there was something wrong with you? Absolutely not. For whatever reason these images are appearing in your mind at this point. Maybe you were triggered by something that made them come up, like the smell of apple pie reminding you of a Thanksgiving meal you had with your family. Either way, by being this worried about them you give them more power than they actually have. They were just random images that appeared in your mind. They don't matter.

This is a really fantastic meditation that has helped me a lot in the past:

When the images arise again, instead of focusing on the images, focus on how the images make you feel in your body. Is there a point of tension or arousal in your body? Does the energy seem to focus on one point, or several points? For me the points of energy tend to be on my penis or nipples. Once you've found it, with every inhale feel that energy move into various points of your body and then breath it out and feel the tension/arousal leave your body. So for example, inhale and imagine the energy is moving with the breath down your leg and into your foot, then exhale and feel the breath and energy exit your body. Then your other foot. Then your stomach, arms, etc. Once you've completed that, focus each breath on filling the point of energy completely and then with each exhale the energy is allowed to leave the body.

This will inevitably happen again in the future. Don't worry about whatever images arise, it's perfectly okay. When you notice them just accept that they are there, and then refocus your attention on whatever you were doing. You give them more power over you the more you worry about them.

 

Again, you're giving more power to the image. The way that our memory system works is that whenever we remember something it is re-encoded into long-term storage with whatever emotions we are experiencing at the same time.

So, let's say that you're hanging out with friends and laughing about embarrassing experiences you've all had. You'll think of an embarrassing experience and it will trigger feelings of embarrassment because that memory is encoded with that feeling. If you share it with your friends you'll all be able to laugh at it and you'll re-encode that memory with the funniness of the conversation. The next time you think about it you may still feel embarrassed, but you'll also laugh at it. Over time, the memory loses the emotional charge of, "embarrassment," and is fully charged by the emotion of, "funny."

With these images you're experiencing now you're feeling fear, anxiety, and shame. The more you allow yourself to be afraid, anxious, and shameful when these images arise, the more fear, anxiety, and shame will be encoded with the memory. It creates a vicious cycle of fear, anxiety, and shame which will only lead to relapse.

The point is not to remove the images. The point is to remove the emotional charge associated with the images. That's why that meditation is so powerful. The, "energy," you're moving around is the physical manifestation of the emotions you're feeling. By moving them around and releasing them you're dissociating the images from these negative emotions and instead associating the images with a feeling of calm and emotional agency.

 

It's called flashbacks —they will disappear if you stick to the reboot. At least they did for me after a few weeks.

 

First thing you have to do is stop judging yourself. Everyone on this site has been through stuff that they're not proud of, have done and thought things that make them ashamed. You're not alone in that. The fact of the matter is that porn can shape your desires and tastes without you being aware of it. Before you know it you're watching things that you never would have imagined you'd get off to. It's not your fault man, it's not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing malicious about you, or sinful about you. Want evidence? How could you possibly be so ashamed, so remorseful, and so guilty of your behaviour if there was something intrinsic to you that was fucked up? Be thankful for your shame. Be thankful for your anxiety and anger. The fact you feel them is proof that you are a good person, a good person that has been hijacked by an extraordinarily deceptive, and addictive force. You are not to blame.

With that being said though, you are now responsible for your recovery. You are responsible for your shame, guilt, anger, and anxiety. Stop trying to run from them. Stop trying to resist them. They are as much a part of you as the best parts of you. As I said above, they are part of the best parts of you. Without them, you would be a terrible person. A psychopath. What you must do is fully accept these emotions.

Set a 5 minute timer and lay on your bed. Think of your mother. Let those feelings of shame and anxiety, of remorse and guilt, all rise up within you. Don't fight them. When I first started dealing with my shame I would sometimes thrash around, I'd double over as if someone had punched me in the gut, I'd scream and yet no sound would come out. If any of these or anything else happen to you, that's okay, that's natural, that's part of the process. Just let those things happen. The aim is to let them happen while doing your best to breath deeply. In these moments sometimes it can be beneficial to have a mantra. I found the best to be, "I accept these feelings and I'm going to be okay." As the feelings of shame rise and fall, just focus on your breathing and the mantra. Your muscles will contract hard, when you regain control of them just relax them. Breath out the tension. Keep bringing your thoughts back to your mother and the shame you feel. Breath through it. Relax your way through it. When the timer goes off say this to yourself, "I am worthy of love." Take a couple seconds to relax a bit and then go about your day.

Do that at least once a day. Try to work up to 20 minutes over the next couple of weeks. Over time you'll begin to release the emotional charge surrounding your mother. You will get better, but you must go through your shame rather than away from it.

My advice is to read the following books:

• John Bradshaw - Healing the Shame that Binds You
• Peter A. Levine - Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma
• Osho - Intimacy
• David Deida - The Way of the Superior Man