Getting motivation from the failures of the others

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Queek The HeadTakker, Sep 15, 2020.

  1. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Is that moraly ok? Because i tend to feel good and get motivation when i see others failing , like they fail i didnt fail , its likecompetitetive spirit that i have . In everything , for example on the gym i see other guys very skiny and or lifting very bad , and i feel good , i even do an inner laught because of them . Maybe because i was also like that but now im much better
    On nofap i read some of your failures and struggels and altough i wish you all the best , that gives me motivation to not fail

    But is it tha ok? Or im a jerk?
     
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  2. neverpolitcallycorrect

    neverpolitcallycorrect Fapstronaut

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    You do what you have to do whatever works for you
     
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  3. ShadyPerson

    ShadyPerson Fapstronaut

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    Being a jerk isn't about feelign a certain way, it's about doing certain actions. As long as you don't allow your feelings to materialize into bullying others, I don't see any problem. While your way of reacting to other people's failures might be a symptom of some inner problems that might give you trouble in other ways, I don't think that it's a problem on it's own. Like ultimately what you're doing is feeling good and learning to push youraelf further while not harming others. What's so bad about that?
     
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  4. SoaringEagle

    SoaringEagle Fapstronaut

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    Yes, you're a jerk and so am I for typing this LOL :D

    As ShadyPerson said, what matters most is what you do not just how you feel because you can't control your feelings. But I don't think what others do should affect you to this degree. At least in an ideal world you should only judge yourself and how you are progressing and really I don't quite understand the "fail" culture so to speak. Which emphasizes on winning everything. We are all going to bite the dust and it's pitiful to waste your lifetime fretting about every little thing.

    Maybe that skinny guy has severe depression and just by coming to the gym he is making an achievement, while whatever rips you are doing that day is no big deal because you have by now formed a habit. All this downgrading of others stems from an inner lack of self esteem (BTW I am no psychologist), to some degree these feelings can be natural but it's better not to have them over a certain degree. I feel the vast majority of mistakes I do are a result of a lack of self esteem in one way or another.
     
  5. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    o_O You sound like a narcissist.
     
  6. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Well i tend to support people in actions, for example in exams im ok in letting copying from me, i even helped some classmates having good marks (team work) and people never called me a bad person, a jerk , a "son of a b***" but in my toughts altough i feel empaty i tend to be motivated and relief with thr failures of the others like "it wasnt me that had that problem" or "Thank God im not on that stage " etc.... it boosters my moral and motivation but at same time it feels wrong to be and bad but yourrifht actions count much more than toughts!
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2020
  7. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Yeah im quite competitive in some stuff i find things fun much more easy if i turn them into competition( like doing nofap)

    Yes true and i dont treat them bad and i honnestly wish them the best if their good persons but its like in a perspetive like ," i was on the shape of that guy but im not anymore "

    I have some problems with negativity im usually a negative person and i battle alot with those toughts also, i also always had some self esteem problems , even as a kid , i was too much "humble" altough now its much better there is still insecurities and in some things im very hard on myself so im always finding ways to prove myself im better and im getting better
     
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  8. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Ahahahah im quite the opposite !! Im a bit insecure and im always finding ways to motivate myself and be happy
     
  9. SeaChange

    SeaChange Fapstronaut

    I don't think it's "morally" wrong but I think any way in which you draw your sense of achievement or worth from others is inherently dangerous - regardless of how you do it. I think the need to feel superior to others is its own bag of worms in terms of where that comes from.

    I don't think you're a narcissist - when I was younger and far more insecure about myself and my looks I was called a narcissist because I was constantly looking at myself in mirrors and reflections - the truth was I was convinced that my face only looked okay from certain angles/with my hair a certain way/etc and that if say my hair was messed up or a new pimple had appeared without my knowing then everyone would realize that I was actually hideous so I kept a constant guard for that. You mentioned your insecure and I believe this is an extension of that.

    I do think you'd be better served adapting a true competitive spirit. Have you tried focusing on those in front of you rather than those behind you? Don't look at those in the gym smaller or weaker than you, look at those bigger or stronger than you and challenge yourself to beat them. When I ran more one of my best tactics was always to focus on somebody in front of me and zone everyone out until I passed them - then I would find the next person to overtake and rinse and repeat. It helped a lot more than comparing how I was doing to those behind me.
     
  10. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    I also do that because of my hair , i was bald , did an hair transplant and now i have again hair but the amount of hair is only ok to cover up the baldness my hair , when i putt it into some way so im always looking if my hair is ok


    I also do that my friend ! That gives me huge motivation ! Im always looking to achieve the weights of the guys that are stronger than me (altough some are pure bodybuilters and freaks and im not and dont want to be that) and it makes me very proud for example when i started there was a guy of my age that lifted much more than me , now i i lift the same weights than him and in some exercises even do more than him

    Same on jiujitsu (unfortunaly because of corona i cant train and i miss it sooool much but i will return )it gives me much pleasure to submitt the guys then once submitted me much more and were more better than me !
    Im a very competitive person on the things i like ...tha can be a blessing and a curse at same time i think
     
  11. I’m getting more n more involved with SAA as well as have read through this forum for almost 3 years.

    I’ve heard and read countless disaster stories.

    What those tragic stories do for me is remind me that I could end up like that if I don’t quit.

    I feel bad for those folks who’ve messed up badly including ruined marriages, loss of admiration from their children, or some who have even lost their freedom due to jail time for sex crimes.

    (Ultimately it’s their responsibility of course. Not making excuses for anyone.)

    And it’s my responsibility to learn lessons played out in front of me. I can’t ignore these horror stories. I need to use them as motivation to press ahead on my road towards freedom. They are also motivation to help or encourage whenever the opportunity arises.
     
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  12. Fixmybrain

    Fixmybrain Fapstronaut

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    Just don’t be open about it. The world makes little sense as it is, but if you can recognize that person is trying to improve themselves as well then that’s all that matters imo
     
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  13. Lucky Shadow Posture

    Lucky Shadow Posture Fapstronaut

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    I'm not a professional. Yes, you seem to be one.

    But picture a world like this. There's millions going on about preaching the word of the Lord, looking for something to fix, while their inner world slowly collapses. In that sense, I choose to believe you're a lesser jerk than them. They seek and check every corner for trouble and it's only natural that someone takes advantage of their good intentions -- even though healing the world would take a lot more than that.

    The lazy weak resent those who seek a Just kind of Power. They see trouble where you see opportunity.

    Don't let they hinder your self-expression.
    I can't stress enough the importance of this.
    Keep marching ahead, keep winning, become a reliable, competent sage-like warrior and you'll understand that some perspectives don't matter in the long-haul.
     
  14. I guess I would say it depends on why it makes you feel motivated. Are taking pleasure in the thought of others suffering or is it because you think you are better. Competition is, to a certain extent, innate in all living things. It is how species survive. I am very competitive in most of the things that I do, whether that is work, knowledge, or just flat out making money. I don't necessarily want to see others fail but when I do better than others it does make my ego grow and, consequently, my confidence. I would say it depends on your thought process. At the end of the day I would say you have to look at how your world view effects your relationship with others. I know for me, I have a touch of narcissism which is fine imo, as long as I don't tear anyone down.
     
  15. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Yeah thats very true , alot of people have glass roofs and they should first seek the Lord and solve their problems !

    Thanks man, yeah thats what im trying to do , yeah lesser jerk suits well, because i hoonestly wish everyone the best and all of here beat pmo but when i read some posts of people relapsing , i wish they didnt and im sorry for them but at same time its like They failed , i didnt , their weak , im strong yesyes
     
  16. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    I dont take pleasure of seeing other suffering, only if the ones who are suffering are evil persons beyond reedemption , im no psycho
    Yes its the second option , its like they failed , i didnt , im better than them yesyes
    Precisely thats what happens to me !!!

    People never complain me about that , because as i said its just something i keep to myself innerly i dont go tell hey your a loser im better than you, no i dont do that and i dispise people who do that

    Its just something i use to boost my confidance interiorly , i think its in the gray area of moral but it could be worst and we are all sinners altough thats not an excuse to do shit
     
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  17. Your fine man, lol. Let the testosterone flow!
     
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  18. Merry Terry

    Merry Terry Fapstronaut

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    Looking at the failure of others as a source of motivation is ultimately not gonna lead you anywhere. So what happens if you're in a situation where everybody around you is better than you? Where you have nobody to look down on but yourself? Will you try to push people down so that you can find motivation in them again?

    As long as you keep looking for motivation in other people's failures, or in other people's successes, you'll never be happy. You'll always keep competing. Life's not a match, or a game, that you have to win. You have to reach satisfaction and happiness in and from yourself. And when you're satisfied with yourself, you have nothing but love and empathy for everybody else.
     
  19. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

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    Well that happened for example when i started mma , they where all better than me , how i got motivated ? Simple , i said to myself one they i will beat that guy , and i did , with the Grace of God i did !!! I also get motivation from people that are better than me specially when i know that they are on my range of achievment so , i also get motivated with that, i already said that
    I already said that here my friend


    I disagree , something without competition is boring , there as to be a degree of competition but healthy competition of course

    Life is a game and i have to win thats why im doing nofap , if it wasnt i would be pmoing everyday
     
  20. luke775

    luke775 Fapstronaut

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    I feel the same, i've always wondered if it was just me or if everyone had this kind of competitiveness. I'd say it's okay to be competitive but it gets bad when it gets to a certain point. I used to lie about things i'd done to my friends so I could feel better about myself and better than them, that's when it's too far.
     
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