Getting over a crush

Navier

Navier

Fapstronaut
Hey guys, hope you're all doing great.

Recently a very close friend of mine who I had a crush on for a while told me she started dating a mutual friend of ours and it was kind of crushing even though for the longest time I had decided I wouldn't attempt anything with her because it's a friendship I didn't want to risk changing or losing.

I'm getting over it, as I should have a while back, and started meeting up with a couple of other girls to chat and see where things go. Even though we were likely incompatible and have met a girl who is really cool I am catching myself still having unwanted thoughts about my friend from time to time.

I was wondering how you guys move past these situations, I just want to accept what has happened and date other people while keeping my friend in my life but I don't want to risk hurting this other girl by dating her only to realize later that I was only trying to distract myself from my friend. I think I like this other girl anyway, but my perspective is surely at least slightly skewed by the hurt.
 
Navier said:
I had decided I wouldn't attempt anything with her because it's a friendship I didn't want to risk changing or losing.
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No, you were too affraid to ask her out and get rejected that you prefered to keep yourself in friendzone in hopes that for some magical reason in the future she realices that she likes you and you can start dating. You don't what her as a friend, you want something romantic with her, but you are settling with only been his friend because you are to afraid to go after what you want. Now that she is with another man your plan failed.. so you are in pain. Guess what? this guy desire her like you are but he had the balls to do something about it, woman love condifent man that go for what they want and dislike man that are weak and hold back.

The solution is not going to be of your liking... attraction is not a choice. You are attracted (have a crush) with your friend. It doesn't matter how much you try to get over her, if you keep interacting with her this feelings are not going to fade away (moreover, is could get worst now that she is not available). The only way to get over her is to stop interacting with her as friends. You should've go after what you wanted with her a long ago, aka asking her out, but you didn't and now she is with another guy. So the only thing left for you to do is walk away from her.
That way you are really going to start to get over her and start to have a chance to have a crush with another woman. Dating other woman is totally fine, this will get your head away from her but to stop all contact with her is even better.
 
I appreciate the honest reply.

I get what you're saying and you're probably right in saying that I am at least partly bullshitting myself. Usually I have no problem asking girls out but since she was a long time friend in this case it really felt weird in my head, but yeah I guess it could just have been fear of rejection.

I'll interact less with her and keep dating to see where things go. Thanks man
 
Navier said:
Hey guys, hope you're all doing great.

Recently a very close friend of mine who I had a crush on for a while told me she started dating a mutual friend of ours and it was kind of crushing even though for the longest time I had decided I wouldn't attempt anything with her because it's a friendship I didn't want to risk changing or losing.

I'm getting over it, as I should have a while back, and started meeting up with a couple of other girls to chat and see where things go. Even though we were likely incompatible and have met a girl who is really cool I am catching myself still having unwanted thoughts about my friend from time to time.

I was wondering how you guys move past these situations, I just want to accept what has happened and date other people while keeping my friend in my life but I don't want to risk hurting this other girl by dating her only to realize later that I was only trying to distract myself from my friend. I think I like this other girl anyway, but my perspective is surely at least slightly skewed by the hurt.
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Navier said:
Hey guys, hope you're all doing great.

Recently a very close friend of mine who I had a crush on for a while told me she started dating a mutual friend of ours and it was kind of crushing even though for the longest time I had decided I wouldn't attempt anything with her because it's a friendship I didn't want to risk changing or losing.

I'm getting over it, as I should have a while back, and started meeting up with a couple of other girls to chat and see where things go. Even though we were likely incompatible and have met a girl who is really cool I am catching myself still having unwanted thoughts about my friend from time to time.

I was wondering how you guys move past these situations, I just want to accept what has happened and date other people while keeping my friend in my life but I don't want to risk hurting this other girl by dating her only to realize later that I was only trying to distract myself from my friend. I think I like this other girl anyway, but my perspective is surely at least slightly skewed by the hurt.
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It is ok to have a crush on someone and not act on it if you deep down know that it is a bad idea. If you however wanted something more with her you should have acted on it. The best way to get over a crush is to not meet her for some time. Meet other girls, focus on your hobbies etc.

@p1n1983 usually have quite strict responses to these kind of topics. He have some points and maybe he is right this time but it is not all black or white. Dont worry about distancing yourself from her. You probably wont loose her as a friend. I had a friend once. I never had a crush on her but we went partying a lot, I crashed at her place a few times. Then she got a boyfriend and thought it was inappropriate for us to meet. So we didn't meet a lot for almost 3 years but the friendship never ended. It was more like it was on pause. We met every now and then but after she got single she is that party girl I remember from years back.

Not sure why I brought up that story but I think every girl, every situation is different. To me it sounds like you should have risked that friendship because you liked her. I recently risked my friendship with a crush of mine by asking her on a date. We went no contact for weeks after that but she eventually came around and wanted to still be friends.

And then she started hitting on me. I am over her as girlfriend material now though so it is a little late. I think we have a long and interesting friendship ahead of us though.

And before you get depressed over this: Remember that there are probably thousands of good matches in your area. Sooner or later you will find someone.
 
NF SINCE BIRTH said:
It is ok to have a crush on someone and not act on it if you deep down know that it is a bad idea. If you however wanted something more with her you should have acted on it. The best way to get over a crush is to not meet her for some time. Meet other girls, focus on your hobbies etc.

@p1n1983 usually have quite strict responses to these kind of topics. He have some points and maybe he is right this time but it is not all black or white. Dont worry about distancing yourself from her. You probably wont loose her as a friend. I had a friend once. I never had a crush on her but we went partying a lot, I crashed at her place a few times. Then she got a boyfriend and thought it was inappropriate for us to meet. So we didn't meet a lot for almost 3 years but the friendship never ended. It was more like it was on pause. We met every now and then but after she got single she is that party girl I remember from years back.

Not sure why I brought up that story but I think every girl, every situation is different. To me it sounds like you should have risked that friendship because you liked her. I recently risked my friendship with a crush of mine by asking her on a date. We went no contact for weeks after that but she eventually came around and wanted to still be friends.

And then she started hitting on me. I am over her as girlfriend material now though so it is a little late. I think we have a long and interesting friendship ahead of us though.

And before you get depressed over this: Remember that there are probably thousands of good matches in your area. Sooner or later you will find someone.
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That's a really sweet reply, thank you for sharing your experience. It is definitely something I'll think on :)
 
NoEdgingForever said:
You seem just like a backup plan for her and nothing else.

I really liked @p1n1983 advice, because stopping interacting with her, it'll help you to heal faster and move on with your life.
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I dunno. I get where you are coming from but I am personally not made like that. I have never had a crush on that girl. I dont care if im her backup plan because she is mine too. Not even that. I consider her a friend and whatever happens is within our friendship frame. We are on the same page that way. Thats just how I am made.

I also dont mind having a few crushes here and there. If I get rejected then I am often okay with being friends. If there is zero chemistry chances are that I wont keep them around as friends.
 
Navier said:
Hey guys, hope you're all doing great.

Recently a very close friend of mine who I had a crush on for a while told me she started dating a mutual friend of ours and it was kind of crushing even though for the longest time I had decided I wouldn't attempt anything with her because it's a friendship I didn't want to risk changing or losing.

I'm getting over it, as I should have a while back, and started meeting up with a couple of other girls to chat and see where things go. Even though we were likely incompatible and have met a girl who is really cool I am catching myself still having unwanted thoughts about my friend from time to time.

I was wondering how you guys move past these situations, I just want to accept what has happened and date other people while keeping my friend in my life but I don't want to risk hurting this other girl by dating her only to realize later that I was only trying to distract myself from my friend. I think I like this other girl anyway, but my perspective is surely at least slightly skewed by the hurt.
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Most people here say that if you have a crush on her the feeling will never fade,and they're right,what will fade is your desire to date her,after a while she'll just be a friend who used to be your crush,as some people already said, distance yourself from her for about a week and try not to think of her, after that let things happen the way they are gonna,you didn't ask her out and now she has a boyfriend,i won't get into whether that's a bad thing or not,but it's the past and you can't change it-point is,let things flow naturally after a while it'll turn out to be okay,also don't worry about risking friendships,if you like her tell her, similar to another person's response- even if you don't date,you'll stop talking for a few weeks but after a while if you actually enjoyed being friends then you'll start talking, speaking from personal experience,now if you think that even if she says yes dating her is not good for me then its a different story
 
@Navier - I feel you man. I was in the exact same situation last year: fancied someone for a long time, put myself in the Friend Zone for fear of rejection (and because I was a Nice Guy), got crushed when another man I knew told her he loved her. Never known pain like it. But that pain forced me to "grow" (reluctantly).
 
The best way to get over any crush is to ask her out, regardless of how long the crush has been. A rejection will help clear your mind. An acceptance is awesome (until they drive you nuts a few months later).

Making a crush linger out of fearing rejection is akin to abusing yourself. But if she's taken already, then write her off for the time being and go find a crush that's single.
 
Its easy for guys to get invested in a woman without fully getting to know her. They focus on how attractive she is and this just isn’t enough to go on.
 
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