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Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by derivative, Nov 24, 2018.
Good point. It might be a good idea to find a few more friends before winter break
@meatsandwich If there actually is a connection between the dog situation and the original topic of the conversation, I would interested to hear it. Please explain if there is a connection
I don't know, I noticed that dogs were mentioned there
Not really, but I saw there was mention regarding it and I just pointed out
I am on 340+ days without masturbation.....
But I have watched porn a number of times in this streak.....
But now it's been a while since I have watched it....
And I had 7-8 wet dreams in this streak
I don't know which of you moved this forum, but I sincerely apologize for starting it in the incorrect category. Please have mercy on my mistake and don't revoke my posting privileges.
@derivative you've got lots of great advice, and I'm not sure I can add anything but I do want to go back to the original question.
First a quick question, are they trying to "put down others" or just you? Is there anyone else among your friends or family who suffers the same put-downs?
Back to your question, why are they putting down your attempts to be a better person by giving up porn use? I am just going to brainstorm potential reasons …
They have a vested interest (i.e. they work for the porn industry).
They are ashamed of their own porn use and do not want to be reminded that it may be wrong.
They are worried about you, they think that unless you lighten up about sex you will not find happiness.
They are nihilists and enjoy trying to destroy goodness.
They perceive a judgemental attitude in you which drags down their mood when they are trying to have fun.
They are frightened that moral independence will take you away from them.
They are scared that you'll become ultra-religious and not 'one of them'.
Having a person around whom it is easy to joke about is useful, it helps group cohesion (probably at the person's expense, though not necessarily)
They think your position is inadequately thought through and want to challenge you on it.
They perceive your position as politically wrong.
They feel like you are disapproving of their way of life.
They perceive anti-masturbation as an alt-right anti-semitic thing.
There's something else wrong, but they are worried that your change will break the status quo and whatever it is they are really frightened of will come out.
They are worried that you are not comfortable with your own masculinity.
They are just off the top of my head so most of them are probably ridiculous. But you get the idea, there are lots of reasons why people might put you down. It has always been thus:
Well that depends on why they are putting you down, and I bet it is a different reason for different people. My advice would be to stick to what you believe in and stay free of pornography. What's less clear to me is if you should keep trying to be non-judgemental or be more proselytising about it. But I'm too much of a coward to talk about any of this with my family or friends so I'm not really qualified to give you advice on that.
One last point. Lots of people here try to replace porn with something good so that there is not just a void in their lives. I wonder what you do in your life that feels edgy or morally risky? Perhaps it's good that there's nothing grey in your life but perhaps you do need something (not porn) to experiment with.
I get annoyed when I get this from other Christians. " Why you tryna be so holy all of a sudden!?" Cause I'm supposed to try to be holy, stupid.
Tbh you’re better off keeping this kind of stuff to yourself. Most people will not get nofap, first off people have trouble understanding addiction in general. I do not discuss my addictions with most people and would certainly not tell them about nofap. Most of the time only other addicts understand other addicts.
Just succeed quietly, dont share your goals with everyone.
Just don't talk to people about it.
I think that's really dumb. You should be able to talk to your friends about your goals and hopes for the future and your struggles. If yall are out there settling for shallow friendships where you cant talk about this kind of stuff, then I feel sad for you, genuinely, because having supportive friends who love you and want to help you become your best self is such a beautiful thing. I mean, I don't sit around talking about this stuff all the time with all my friends, but I should certainly be able to tell my friend that I dont want to see a certain movie, or close my eyes during a sex scene, without them laughing at me or trying to get me to open my eyes and compromise my beliefs. My friends are not like that.
Like I said, I don't initiate conversations about NoFap, sometimes the topic just comes up and I might throw in a few comments. You never know if somebody else is suffering from a porn/sex/masturbation addiction, and by avoiding the topic entirely, you are missing the potential chance to make them aware of great resources such as NoFap and also your involvement in NoFap may inspire them to finally start kicking PMO too
Its your choice to talk to them about it. Just like it's their choice for them to think that you are wierd for doing nofap when you choose to share your opinion on it to them. You cannot control people's opinions. If their opinions about nofap bother you, then don't talk about it with them. No one is asking you to sell the ways of nofap to these people.
Whatever the reason for others' criticizm of you, good job for standing your ground despite it. I think that on some level, everyone who is trying to become sexually pure and free will experience some sort of push back, either from others or even from themselves. Much of what you describe in your interactions I can see in my own self-talk as I have struggled with my addiction. For me, criticism from my parents and others in society, even if not explicitly related to my pornography/masturbation struggle have contributed to me relapsing in the past. Pornography is a toxic social current and even if you don't discuss openly your path, many things can be intuitively percieved by others and result in criticism. The same is true for other unhealthy and damaging social norms. I think criticism is inevitable for someone trying to better their life in this broken world and the reasons can be many, as others have stated. I am inspired by your willingness to stand for what you believe in, despite whatever part you played in bringing it on yourself.
Hello @%32 ,
I think that you're missing the core idea behind the forum. I'm not selling anybody on any sort of idea as you seem to suggest I am doing, and in my previous posts, I refer to people with whom I have never conversed about NoFap unprovokedly being nasty to me for doing what I do (abstaining from various behaviors).
It would be stupid to talk to people about something that they are resistant to ever and over again knowing that they will have a negative reaction because that would obviously lead to irritation, which is why that is NOT what I did or ever have done in regards to NoFap.
Gotcha. You cannot control their opinions. Your behaviors are pretty out of the ordinary by normal standards so you are very likely to get made fun of. You are essentially trying to remove all sexuality out of your life it looks like. If the reactions of others bother you too much you can either revise your goals to be just no porn or masturbating so that you can watch movies and not be made fun of... or you can choose to simply hide from people about what you are doing in your sexual life (none of their business anyways). Or you can take it on the chin and just move on. Point is that they are free to think about you how they want. You cannot control them or their actions or opinions, so either become indifferent and shrug off the criticisms or adjust your goals or try to hide what you are doing more, or you can try to spend the majority of your time with people that won't make fun of you for what you are doing.
It would be pretty shitty to break a friendship because I'm getting teased so not gonna do that.
Thank you to all of you who took this forum seriously, discussed with each other, learned from each other, and gave advice. For everybody's benefit, I wanted to summarize the key points that came up in this forum (i tried my best to give credit where credit was due by tagging the people who were responsible for each concept below):
1. Humans come from tribal origins. Those who act drastically differently in a tribe threaten the coherence and therefore the survival of the tribe. So the rest of the tribe performs behaviors to rid the different member from the tribe to increase survival. Translated to modern society, acceptance of porn is more common than not, so when somebody decides to not use it, they are seen as unusual and can get picked on: @Marcelo48
2. Everybody has different reasoning and different intentions when picking on somebody else: @elevate
3. Nobody is all good or all bad; we all lie on a spectrum
4. It is extremely easy to accidentally be implicitly judgmental or indirectly judgmental even when we don't mean to be @Max Fisher
5. More education on the dangers of porn, on the same level of seriousness and volume that we educate about the dangers of other addictive behaviours such as tobacco use, would be very helpful for our society.
6. If people are going to pick on somebody, they usually choose somebody who is in a better situation than them (to bring them down to their level) or in a worse situation than them (to reinforce the idea that they are on a higher level). For example, bullying the nerd with straight A's in school or bullying the dingus who can't get any better than a D or F in any class.
7. Sometimes people have to go through a major crisis/failure to see why what they were doing was bad and get their lives back on track. The train's gotta crash!
8. You can move on from friends if you really don't like how they are treating you: @elevate
9. Keep making more friends throughout your life
10. "Somehow Shakespeare was able to write some of the greatest plays in English without a graphic sex scene... ": @ivanhoe
11. the Spoiler Button in fact does exist: @Rio
12. the whole getting picked on situation that sparked the starting of this forum can also happen to vegans in some degree when they first start veganism: @risk_taker
13. @meatsandwich got bitten by a dog ???
14. sometimes you just gotta take the hits when they come at you: @%32
15. some people are just gonna be bastards: @Ginny Weasley
Thanks for the discussion. HMU if you wanna keep the discussion going or if you wanna talk about something else too I'm cool with whatever
The addiction we are fighting is a 10 headed beast. Do not leave anything to chance. I wish I was like you 10 years ago, I wouldn't be in this mess I'm in today and all the health issues I'm having now because of PMO
It doesnt matter to me what you do. Good luck.