My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months now and during that time she has taught me a lot about what it means to be in a loving relationship. She trusts me and does little things to make me feel loved and happy. A month ago we left university and started working in separate countries. We will be dating long distance for at least a year and a half until I feel okay leaving my first job and moving closer to her. Before she left, she told me that she feels hurt over how I did not put much effort into the relationship. She felt as if I did not prioritize the relationship. One example is that she would always invite me out on trips to meet her friends and family. I did not and would prefer just staying at home or going on walks. I realize now that I need to be a better boyfriend in order to keep her. I need to take her out on dates and cherish our relationship. She has been a wonderful person in my life and has taught me a lot about what it is like to be in a loving relationship. I think one of the reasons why I do not have the level of trust and commitment to the relationship is my porn addiction. While we were together, I still PMO'd about once every week. I think the porn makes it hard for me to feel as attached to her. It makes it hard for me to talk with her because I know that I am not a completely open book. Porn also intensifies my insecurities. I am insecure that my girlfriend is interested in other guys and that insecurity is greater now that she lives in another country. What I see in porn normalizes infidelity which is not great for any relationship. Although, logically, she has never given off any signs of ever being interested in other guys. So I am starting this reboot log to document my recovery. I have been watching porn ever since I can remember, probably starting when I was 10 years old. I want to recover from this problem so that I can give our relationship a chance of lasting. She is a wonderful girl and I want to stop hurting her. I also just want live a happier life. My time in University was overshadowed by constant depression and mediocrity. Now that I am starting my first job, I want to have a fresh start. The past four years have sucked, but the next four can be better. I want to be able to live without anxiety and to have a variety of close, relationships. Part of my strategy to overcome this problem is to fill my time with healthy hobbies. One of the hobbies is mindfulness meditation.I generally feel calmer and make better decisions after 5 minutes of deep breathing. Another hobby is exercise. Exercise reduces my stress and anxiety and makes me feel happy and hopeful about the future. I enjoy playing tennis, running, and walking and I hope to exercise everyday. Moreover, I would like to establish a stretching routine. Stretching helps to ease my back pain and helps me to relax. Another hobby is reading. Reading is an activity that I enjoyed when I was younger, but lost interest in as I grew older. But the reality is that reading helps me to relax and think about life from another person's shoes. I also think that being able to read and comprehend things quickly is an important skill in any job I have in life. I am interested in maybe learning how to play the guitar too. Another part of my strategy is to stop drinking caffeinated drinks. Coffee and tea are very alluring because they supposedly help me to wake up, but I find that even though I feel more awake. I feel a lot more chaotic. When I stop using porn, I feel a lot of anxiety. The caffeine heightens the anxiety and makes it more likely for me to relapse. I expect that for the first month of quitting, I will experience pretty intense anxiety and lack of sleep. My body wants me to go back to porn so it will make me feel as terrible as possible until I do so. Knowing this ahead of time should help me.