Girlfriend just split up with me

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Handy Andy, Nov 18, 2015.

  1. Handy Andy

    Handy Andy Fapstronaut

    Hello all,

    I don't mean for this thread to go anywhere particularly, but I just felt the need to get this out of my system and hear some supportive voices on the forum. Sorry if that seems a bit needy.

    My girlfriend just came round and broke off our relationship. We'd been together nearly a year and had had amazing times together. We'd fallen deeply in love - but a few months in, she found out I was bi from my computer: an old username had given it away. (I'd chatted to guys online when I had been single). I hadn't come out to her; stupid, because she's open-minded, liberal and totally cool with it. But I also confessed to having watched gay porn, to never speaking about my bisexuality to anyone except my parents (and then only really on the occasion that I came out)...She was supportive, so reassuring; I'd never felt so loved and accepted.

    But the porn thing was a major trust-breaker for her. Our relationship stuttered on for the next few months, but we weren't getting on as well as before. I didn't know what was going wrong and why we didn't seem as at ease in each other's company. I'd kept things from her: about myself and about my previous relationship. That I confessed to planning never to tell her about my bi-sexuality was a big issue. We went to see a great counsellor recently and talked some things through - but issues came up there that seemed unresolvable. I guess I'd felt that the last few months had been cancelling out the good times beforehand, as if maybe we had lost our heads when we first met - whereas she thought that that was the true us and couldn't understand why I wasn't fighting for it more.

    I'm so sad that it hasn't worked out, even though things hadn't been going well. We had something amazing - something truly spontaneous and intimate and very rare - and I spoiled it. The person I've become through watching porn, hiding parts of myself and burying my own issues emerged eventually; my true worthlessness was revealed, despite my attempts to make a new start and become a new person. I've hurt her so much; she just didn't deserve that. I've lied about myself and my past. I wish I'd been completely honest with her from the start, but I lacked the courage. It was partly cowardice, but it was partly a mistaken belief that I could forge ahead and build a new me by repressing things and pretending.

    I guess this is one place you end up if you resort to porn.

    I need to learn from this experience, address my issues, get clean from porn and start to rebuild myself properly. In the past all I've done is bury things, hate myself, or pretend to be someone that I'm not. That simply doesn't work in the long-run.

    JoePineapples likes this.
  2. JoePineapples

    JoePineapples Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear that mate. Honesty really is the key. You'll be a wiser, better person for this. I hope, when the time is right, you find someone just a special. Use this.
  3. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

    I am really sorry to hear that. The best thing is honesty and most of all honesty to yourself, something which I am gradually getting better at through nofap.
  4. Handy Andy

    Handy Andy Fapstronaut

    Thanks guys; your support means a lot :)
  5. hey man, if she did not want to stick with you, I would not worry to much. it sounded look you had some great times, just remember the good times, and know they can happen again with some one else. let it go, put the past in the past. stay positive.
  6. Handy Andy

    Handy Andy Fapstronaut


    Thanks everyone. Nice comments from you all; I appreciate it.

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