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Girlfriend: lost and confused

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by starfall, Oct 3, 2013.

  1. Oct 3, 2013 #1
    starfall

    starfall New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone.

    As the girlfriend of a porn addict, whose addiction has greatly impeded on our relationship, I am finding it harder and harder to believe that those of you who are addicted to porn can actually love your partners.

    This obviously doesn't apply to those of you who have managed to quit PMO for the sake of yourselves and your relationships.

    I see a lot of men on here writing how because of their addiction they have lost the woman they love, their wife, whatever and after having tried my very best with my boyfriend, who just cannot stop relapsing and ruining our relationship, I can't see how this 'love' can be the general consensus of what love is meant to be.

    If you would take the time to explain to me how you can truly love your girlfriend, yet not be able to stop yourself from sabotaging your relationship, I would appreciate it... As it just seems too far fetched right now.

    Thanks and good luck to you all, you have my empathy in what is a heavily underpublicised issue. Porn should be legally obliged to come with a health warning.
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2013
    starfall, Oct 3, 2013
    starfall, Oct 3, 2013
    #1
  2. Oct 3, 2013 #2
    montague415

    montague415 Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry to hear about the difficulty and loss you've experienced. Addiction isn't cured by love alone. Whether its liquor, drugs, or PMO, once the dysfunctional patterns are established they're difficult to break. The addict has to forge through the challenges with all the typical setbacks and disappointments.

    It's wrong to assume of your boyfriend; "If you really loved me you'd be able to quit." There are many people who have a strong faith in God, some who have dedicated their lives to God in various ways, and they still get addicted. There are husbands and wives with children, very much in love with their families, but they still get addicted.

    Your point is right though, love does have the power to assist the addict back to health. Contrarily though, dysfunctional behavior in relationships can further the addictive cycle in an addict.

    Does the phrase; "in sickness or in health" apply? That's the difficult question that you're trying to determine right now. Accept your boyfriend as he is, he's not the perfect guy you'd like him to be. After that, the two of you can figure out what your future might or might not be.

    All the best to both of you, for sure.
     
    montague415, Oct 3, 2013
    montague415, Oct 3, 2013
    #2
  3. Oct 4, 2013 #3
    Maitripa

    Maitripa Guest

    Hi,
    Addiction is difficult for all parties involved. You'll need to acquire new knowledge and skills to go through this. Some reading might help you both. Try 'Cupid's Poisoned Arrow' (if you haven't yet). I found it extremely helpful.
    I wish you all the best.
     
    Maitripa, Oct 4, 2013
    Maitripa, Oct 4, 2013
    #3
  4. Oct 4, 2013 #4
    sophie07

    sophie07 Fapstronaut

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    That I completely agree with you on its crazy that's it's just thrown out there for ANYONE to look at and currently people are surprised how PMO ing can affect everything in ur life x
    Don't know the full situation, but, Dot give up on him, it's very hard thing to kick and you can delude yourself into thinking there's nothing wrong and you don't have a problem - if he's trying they at least you know he wants to change x
     
    sophie07, Oct 4, 2013
    sophie07, Oct 4, 2013
    #4
  5. Oct 5, 2013 #5
    benignintenz

    benignintenz Fapstronaut

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    Its important to note that a great deal if not the majority of people who have viewed porn have done so without falling into an addictive pattern. Its not porn that is the trouble, it is the intersection of porn with an individual susceptible to addiction to it. Opportunity + Predisposition = addiction.
     
    benignintenz, Oct 5, 2013
    benignintenz, Oct 5, 2013
    #5
  6. Oct 5, 2013 #6
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Right, but you can say the same about plenty of drugs can't you?
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 5, 2013
    Deleted Account, Oct 5, 2013
    #6
  7. Oct 6, 2013 #7
    benignintenz

    benignintenz Fapstronaut

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    ...or anything that is the focus of an addict's addiction.
     
    benignintenz, Oct 6, 2013
    benignintenz, Oct 6, 2013
    #7

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