Girlfriend made fun of penis size - Can't get over it

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Focused, Dec 24, 2017.

  1. Focused

    Focused Fapstronaut

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    Hello there NoFappers!

    Hope you're all doing well not fapping, I will probably be joining you guys now. I decided to register to talk about this shit before it eats my brain away.

    My girlfriend has made several remarks surrounding dick sizes, which has made me extremely uncomfortable, or even hating my dick. I can't watch porn anymore, I can barely masturbate because as soon as I even touch my member I just get reminded of this.
    Alright here it goes:

    The first thing was when we had just started dating and she told me about how she had mentioned me to her friends. "Just mentioned my boyfriend and his average dick", that's what she said told me. I immediately felt bad about it and asked why she would say that, she just said "It's a joke"/get over it or something like that, and I shook it off.

    A few months later her friend, let's call her Anna, got a new boyfriend. My girlfriend and her were talking about him, and all of the sudden I hear "Ohhh apparently ***** has a big dick". Okay, why did I need to know about that? What am I supposed to do with that information? And that "Ohhh"..

    Then the bomb that fucked me up. We we're at friends house having (a lot of) drinks. My girlfriend got really drunk, and when she does, she can become horrible/mean. I can't remember what we we're talking about or how this had anything to do with the conversation, but she blurted out "I'm just sucking on your little dick", in front of everyone. Now we we're only 4 people, me my girlfriend and our two best friends, so everyone was very focused on what was being said in the tight circle we had formed. It got awkward, and they (hopefully) just thought she was wasted, but oh man.. fuck.. FUCK!

    Next day she had no idea she had said it, and she cried and apologised and what not.

    Now I can't watch porn. All I see is big dicks and I'm thinking about how my girlfriend is secretly yearning for them. I can barely have sex with her, when we do all I think of is her bigger exes (she's been with 23, me: 4, I hate ONS). I also HATE my dick, I feel like shit ALL the time. She could've said anything else: You're fat/skinny, ugly, bitchass, whatever. But the dick, that's a killer.

    How do I get over this shit? I KNOW my girlfriend probably wants a bigger dick, I just KNOW she's a size queen, at least that's what I'm believing after all this. . I've had exes that I could barely enter. With her it isn't a problem at all, which makes me think her vagina is very receptive to bigger objects, LOLFML

    And yes, we've talked about it. We almost broke up about it until I just told her what the issue was since it really infected my brain and she could tell I wasn't right. Nothing is helping, whatever she says or does.

    Oh, and dick size if it matters: Exactly 7 inch, hard.

    Now some people might say "That's above average" and yada yada, but she said it was average to her friends so that must be what she thinks, and that only makes it worse because that means her 23 previous guys was above it, at least majority, if 7" is average. :):):):)

    Help.
     
  2. MLMVSS

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

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    If she’s been sexually involved with 23 other people, I’d be worried more about... err, other issues, than dick size...
     
  3. Archie3325

    Archie3325 Fapstronaut

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    Hi! Honestly, if I were you, I would just end the relationship with her. You don't seem happy to be with her, especially since she's shaming you for something you can't even control. She seems to be a toxic person that you should cut ties off with. You shouldn't hate your own dick though don't let her get to you like that. It's your body. If she can't accept you or tries to make you feel like shit, she doesn't deserve you.

    From my own experience, I was also hating on my dick too because I thought I was small (If it matters, mine is 5 inches) from all the porn I was watching and that women only want big dicks. It was bad that I was getting into cuckold porn, even though deep down that's something I know I would never want to try in real life. But I have to remember that porn is toxic in so many ways and if I keep falling for porn, I'm not going to get better and I can't let porn affect how I see myself.

    You should ask yourself this and think about it really well: "Am I happy with our relationship? Is she really worth all this trouble that I'm hating on my own body?" At the end of the day, it's your choice of either staying in a toxic relationship, or being free.

    I hope my advice helps you in some way :)
     
  4. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Yup. What you've got is average and most women will be entirely happy with it. I am guessing your previous girlfriends didn't complain.

    It sounds like your girlfriend might be a size queen. They do exist. Just as some guys obsess over women with huge breasts, some girls have a thing about guys with big penises. There is no reason for you to hate what you've got just because your girlfriend has this preference.

    My old-fashioned world view is that if the two of you truly love each other and want to spend your lives together then you can certainly work through this issue together too. If this is more a temporary, shallow fling (you are number 24 out of 30, 40, 50 or whatever score she is aiming for) and the sex is the be all and end all for you both, then you may be better moving on. If she thinks of you mainly as her latest walking, talking cock, and you have started obsessing about your imagined inadequacies, then your current relationship sounds pretty shallow and maybe not worth investing in.

    So think about all aspects of your relationship. Forget about the sex and think with what's between your ears, not between your legs. Decide whether she is the one for you. If she is, then commit to strengthening all aspects of the relationship and stop focussing on the sex. That will take care of itself in due course if everything else is right. If she isn't the one, then move on - your next girlfriend is unlikely to turn up her nose at your perfectly respectable package.

    Good luck.
    ANH
     
  5. Focused

    Focused Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I've been thinking about this. I myself have never ever had a one night stand and would never have one either. One of the main things I care about when going into a relationship is how many she's been with before. My exes had only had a handful. This is the reason I don't have ONS, because I find it.. gross (not really, but can't explain it better) and I don't want to be a hypocrite that sleeps around while not wanting to be with women who does the same.

    Not sure if any of that made any sense.

    I realise my thread start made her sound like a bitch. I've been in long term relationship before (4 years) and I know toxic. This isn't, EXCEPT this whole penis thing. EVERYTHING else is great, I couldn't ask for a better partner. But then there's this.

    She's been trying to make me feel better by giving compliments, talking about it and so on. But I don't believe her, for obvious reasons.
     
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  6. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    How long have you been together?
    Do you live together?
    ANH
     
  7. Focused

    Focused Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your reply!

    Yeah, I believe she is a size queen too. I don't hate on her for it or anything, it's just annoying that I happen to be average and she being a size queen. My worst nightmare, because what can I do? That means my penis isn't enough, and that's something I can't deal with. And over my dead body that I would ever put on one of those dick extender-things.

    We have been together between 2 and 3 years, so it's not just a sex-thing (or I wouldn't be here).

    This is the best relationship and girl I've had, that's the problem. If it wasn't serious, I would've already broken up.
     
  8. Focused

    Focused Fapstronaut

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    2-3 years, yes we moved in together like 4 months in to the relationship. It just naturally happened, haha.
     
  9. Archie3325

    Archie3325 Fapstronaut

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    But the penis thing is really bothering you to a point that you're hating on your own body. Especially if she keeps bringing it up constantly. From the look of it, she's just going to keep talking about it over and over again which then results in you thinking about it more and more and you hating on your own body more. I agree with anewhope that your girlfriend could be a size queen which is why she keeps talking about your penis size. If the compliments or her talking about it isn't helping you, kindly ask her to stop and see how it goes from there.
     
  10. Rob_B_

    Rob_B_ Fapstronaut

    If she says something deliberately hurtful like that as a one-off, the onus will be on you to forgive and forget. If she keeps repeating it, that's where it moves from a mistake (which we all make) to nastiness, which IMO nobody has to put up with.

    There are women out there who aren't obsessed about penis size, or at least have the common sense and decency not to treat their BF like this.

    Sounds to me like you can either get a new dick, or a new GF. Over to you...
     
  11. Focused

    Focused Fapstronaut

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    Yeah that's true.

    Well after the really bad one when she was drunk, I haven't so much as heard the word penis. She knows it would be over if it ever happened again, it's been pretty clear on my behaviour and she's been worried I'm going to end it because of that time. She was drunk and attacked my most vulnerable thing and she hasn't been drunk since, being scared of what she does when getting drunk.

    If she was a man, she'd be one of those black-out aggressive types.

    Nice one! Yeah, I guess that's what it comes down to.
     
  12. Dude you have enough, it’s just that she’s...
     
  13. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Ok. So it is a serious, long-term relationship. In that case, you need to forget about her previous partners - that's ancient history.

    She has been unfair and insensitive and made you feel, wrongly, that you are inadequately endowed. We all make mistakes, particularly when alcohol is involved and she has apologised. So how do you move on? By being completely honest and open with each other. There is no other way, otherwise the issue will fester. You know you are average or slightly above, so the issue is absolutely not one of you being inadequate. It is about understanding her preferences. If you are serious about her, love her, as you say you do, then need to be able to talk it through. Have a couple of drinks and then have a clear-the-air talk in which you both promise to be truthful.
    Ask her to explain what it is that she likes about bigger dicks. Is it the look, some association with macho, dominant men, or does she like the feeling of being filled up or stretched? You want to be the best lover you can. You want to make her feel good. You want to have satisfying sex together. So you need to understand her needs and preferences. Once you understand her, you can decide how you can be the lover she wants you to be. There is plenty to explore together such as different positions, toys and so on that can make the experience as good as possible for her. And remember that variety is the spice of life and routine kills good sex. So if there is something she likes that you aren't that keen on (such as incorporating a large toy) it should just be one item on the menu, not the new normal. While you are doing this for her, she'll also be inclined to reciprocate, doing more of the things you like best.

    So use this as a way of re-igniting your sex-life, getting to know each other even better and improving the honesty and communication in your relationship. And if all goes well, you'll be getting more sex and more varied sex. Sounds like a win-win to me!

    ANH
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2017
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  14. Focused

    Focused Fapstronaut

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    [​IMG]

    Jokes aside, yeah you might be right. Or actually, you are right. The issue is always there and will probably, as you said, fester. We need to just talk about it and lay the cards on the table, 100% honest.

    Then I'll do the Kramer when I hear the truth..

    Using toys and other things that are bigger would make me feel a lot worse. I read about some other dude in another forum (Reddit I think) with the same issue who used a larger dildo. The girlfriend loved it, and he broke down completely.

    Appreciate your long and thought-out answers by the way.
     
    anewhope likes this.
  15. Your girlfriend should be your ex-girlfriend. I think it's ridiculous that you're putting up with this crap!
     
  16. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

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    @Focused your dick is fine. Most women complain if it’s too big as it hurts them. The average is 6 inches so you are larger than average. Seems to me that the problem is rather your girlfriends loose vagina. Next time she complains of your lack of size I suggest you retort that her vagina is too loose and not tight enough for you.

    Job done :
     
  17. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    It's obviously a very personal thing, but to me, the biggest ego boost is helping my wife have a mind-blowing orgasm - to me, it doesn't matter if there is also some silicone-based aid involved if her legs are turning to jelly. (But it does need to be a joint activity - my listening at the door while she enjoys solo playtime would not be the same, and Mr. Johnson and I would not be happy).

    Good luck with the heart to heart.

    ANH
     
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  18. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Yes, well that's bound to help their relationship :emoji_face_palm:
     
  19. Focused

    Focused Fapstronaut

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    Luckily there's no problems in that area. I agree with you, and it's very important to me that she enjoys it and have orgasms. She always comes or twice, sometimes (rarely) three times. I just feel like it would be even better, if I was larger. I just know it. And that sucks the living hell out of me.

    Thank you!

    Haha, I wouldn't say that. It's like passing the ball on to her and having the issue multiplying in size. I don't need the issue to be bigger, just my dick.
     
  20. It is really childish to make remarks about your partners penis and 7 inches you are above average just letting you know. In her mind she just made a joke and it is not so serious but the comments are eating you.

    Nothing wrong with your dick if it works properly. Almost every guy wishes they would be bigger unless their size hurts most of the times. She is a bit immature with her comment. It would be similar if you told that her ''pussy is too loose'' or she is not ''wet enough''.

    Based on what you written everything else outside of the size comments are going well but those size comments make it seems that she does not find you to be enough for her.

    She had more variety of dicks in her life since she had more partners. As far as the drinking goes you should limit drinking with her since she turns into this hateful bitch when she is drunk. It will only lead to feelings hurt or her cheating eventually with someone.

    This might be speculations but if she is a size queen then she will eventually find a lover or just find a new guy.

    You should question if you are with the right girl if she makes you hate your body or a part of your body. When she made her comments about you're size was she always drunk?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 24, 2017

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