Girlfriend that doesn’t give blowjobs. Dealbreaker?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by mamusa123, Jul 22, 2018.

  1. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

    296
    796
    93
    Have you asked her why she doesn't like it? Might be a start.
     
  2. Of course it's a deal breaker if you're shallow!
     
    Robbin6276 likes this.
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,015
    3,390
    143
    How old is she? Has she tried it before and did she not like it? Why? I’m female and like you I will try anything once. I have no problem with doing pretty much anything but for many women anal is very painful! The only way I could enjoy it was if the guy was really small. That being said it’s super annoying to have a partner continue to pressure you to do something that you have already told them you don’t want to do. It feels like you don’t respect our decision and it absolutely does not want us to do it more. After awhile it sounds like whining! If it’s important to you move on. Sexual compatibility is very important long term. You will grow resentful angry and seek out your desires elsewhere. There are plenty of women out there for you who have zero issues with your desires. And my ex was a pmo addict and did not want anal . Also 99.9 percent of men want bjs and they are not all addicts.
     
    +TenPercent and (deleted member) like this.
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,015
    3,390
    143
    I don’t think sexual compatibility is shallow.
     
  5. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

    694
    770
    93
    Be content. It’s guys doing worse
     
  6. Most likely
     
  7. Breaking up with someone because they don't like to give a bj is shallow imo. It's like break up with a SO because they become vegetarian.
     
    Robbin6276 likes this.
  8. This kind of attitude is toxic! First of all, you wouldn't exist without a Mother and secondly saying men forgetting to be men is like saying green-eyed people are forgetting to be green-eyed people. You're acting like you're the one going against society when in fact you're the one going along with what society is telling you!

    Masculinity and femininity are two stories that people get told.
     
  9. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

    548
    3,932
    123
    I agree with @SheMonk, ask her why she doesn't want to. That way you can find out any concerns she has about it. From there you might be able to figure out something that might work for both of you.
     
  10. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I'd like to point out that for all the talk in this thread... Nobody has asked the OP if he's "returned the favor"
    I know Plenty of women who won't even consider going down, until their guys have done oral to them, and done it right.
    I also know a few girls who reserve the "sex exploration" for only after marriage.
    After all, the husband is the guy stuck with for life (*rolls eyes) so as long as he's a boyfriend, he's not worth "soiling the status"... But that's kind of like preserving the virginity thing Christians do by doing everything but The deed itself... People just live by weird creeds.

    But.... If everytime you ask, it's a fight... You are asking wrong and somehow its not crossing a boundary.
    I agree with a previous poster on, it's time to reevaluate.

    I'd also like to add...
    Never compare who you are with to who you have been with previously.
    Not in your head or to their face.
    Just... Don't do it.
    You will never be happy...
    And this will effect your sex life way more than porn... That longly fantasy of "what could be".
    It's so bad.
    And if she senses something... You are just further damaging your relationship.
     
    Robbin6276 likes this.
  11. I don’t know. If you are in a relation and the guy likes something I think I should consider it. Especially if it’s something standard like blowjob or anal. I would feel very shabby if I would not grant or do this with my partner. Anal maybe I can understand at least initially as it can hurt. But this can be overcome. I think these practices are quite normal. And getting mad is not right
     
  12. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

    2,183
    1,743
    143
    You could try engaging in cunnilingus in bed, which can be very romantic and sensual if done right. You could then try to expand the concept of oral sex to blowjobs. Also asking why she's not into it is a good idea. Whether it's a deal breaker or not is up to you really.
     
  13. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

    2,183
    1,743
    143
    Becoming vegetarian is quite a significant lifestyle change though. That can put a spanner in the works in a relationship.
     
    Dorian1975 likes this.
  14. Yeah, if she likes a cunning linguist she might be up for a fallacious trio, hehehe. ;)
     
    Healed! likes this.
  15. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

    296
    796
    93
    I personally never liked BJs or oral sex the other way around, in the past. Mostly because I thought it was awkward to give and boring to receive, and I also didn't like the powerplay in oral sex. Perhaps she feels the same way? That she feels it is degrading giving head, or some other legit issue? But personally, with the right partner aka someone I'm seeing on the regular, someone I trust, I find oralsex can be a lot of fun! My current partner's favorite thing is oral, especially giving (wooh!) but also receiving. But the trust and comfort needs to be there, that I know it's part of the sexual play and that I don't feel that I am being used or degraded, if that makes sense. It's a weird issue, but is/was very relevant for me. So ask her why she doesn't like it and see what she says. Maybe she just needs reassurance that she is not a whore or skank or trash or whatever, because she gives you oral.
     
    Robbin6276 and vulture175 like this.
  16. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    What if she was sexually assaulted and bjs remind her of the trauma?
    Have you ever asked her That?
    Or only about receiving one?
     
    Robbin6276 likes this.
  17. I've dated a girl who said she does not suck dick. Although we never did have sex, I did not care about that. Neither should anyone.
     
    +TenPercent and Kenzi like this.
  18. livingthedream

    livingthedream Fapstronaut

    20
    0
    8
    yes. sorry, but yes. I literally enter sexual relationships with people to have sex with them.
     
  19. mamusa123

    mamusa123 Fapstronaut

    16
    6
    3
    thanks for the replies everyone!

    here to give a life update just cause i like it when OP threads do this as it provides a complete story and closure.

    We are done after 4 years of dating. it wasn't purely the blowjobs aspect but it did play a part. Her refusal to give blowjobs was just the tip of the iceberg and the result of her being sexually close minded. She would never initiate and i honestly was tired of starting it every-time. Sex became boring and routine, which really bummed me out because if its at this stage now - where will it end up in say 20 years or so. I just was no longer excited anymore and desired more. you may say this is shallow but relationships include the sex life as it creates intimacy and exhilaration.

    And there was more... I said before that her other aspects where awesome, but over the last couple months I have realised otherwise. I feel in some ways her refusal for blowjobs or anything other than PIV was a metaphor for her independence, stubbornness and self-centred personality. Blowjobs are, as some people have said, extremely intimate in some ways and really represents acceptance of each others flaws - the dirty and unfettered. I believe relationships should be dynamic and be made up of sacrifices and compromise. It just reached the point where i thought i was compromising and sacrificing too much - becoming rather one sided. Small things, like me ALWAYS apologising first in arguments and her being easily irritated and dealing with it by using silent treatment + walking off really got to me. If there was something she wanted to do, personally or sexually, i would do it or at least try if it made her happy - but she doesn't see this the same way.

    In ways i resented her because i felt that i was deprived when i would hear stories about my friend's relationships and even she would sometimes bring up stories - which was like what the hell, why are you listing the shit that you refuse to do. Our relationship was deprived of affection due to her independence - i need a girl is just more affectionate and clingy in a way. e.g at theme parks i would reach for her hand or caress her and she would quickly brush my hand away. I would look at other couples waiting around me and really envy them for their displays of affection. Affection really never there - even in the honeymoon stage.

    i really wanted this to work - but i guess i just wanted the idea of a secure and safe life too much to really pull the trigger previously.

    Not going to lie i did love her, at some point, so just been at an all time low and i just don't see a way out of this. have depression at the moment as ive lost weight, lost appetite, motivation to do anything and have been sleeping at 6/7am and waking up deep in the afternoon at around 3/4pm.

    Oh and i relapsed hard over the past week - back to day 0, square 1
     
  20. abcdofindia

    abcdofindia Fapstronaut

    32
    153
    33
    Well, to be honest its really a subjective thing. As a girl I can understand the initial apprehension to put my mouth around something that I feel isn't dirty... but yea, over time everyone comes around.
    But then again, its important for you to decide how important this is for you in your relationship. If getting your girl to give u head is more important to you than the love that she feels for you and vice versa then I'd say, for her sake, leave this relationship.
    But if you think that you care for her despite this, then continue in the relationship. Like me, she might someday come around to doing it for her boyfriend :)
    Hope that helps
     

Share This Page