Girlfriend want to have sex

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Therocker, Nov 15, 2018.

  1. Therocker

    Therocker New Fapstronaut

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    Should i do sex with girlfriend during rebooting my brain from porn and masturbation addiction please reply guys
     
  2. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

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    I chose to keep intimacy with my SO, hence my goal is to be PM-free. This is because of two reasons. 1. My SO shouldn’t have to be neglected due to my former bad decisions. 2. My goal is to redirect all sexual energy into my relationship, why not do right from day one of this journey?

    With that said. Others on nofap suggests different: Since you have wired your brain in an unhealthy and excessive way you should give PMO a break altogether to help yourself rebooting down to “default mode”. Once there it is time to add and build up new healthy habits, such as devoting sexually to your SO. This strategy is said to be more effective. I can’t say much about it as I’ve never tried it.

    Good luck with your journey, good things will come with it!
     
    Headspace likes this.
  3. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    I do it just the same way as @The Lone Ranger.

    For NoFap terminology:
    hard mode = no PMO (or P or M) and no sex
    soft mode = no PMO (or P or M)
     
  4. Therocker

    Therocker New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro and this is my first day of giving up the addiction
     
  5. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

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    If you are lucky enough to not suffer from any sexual dysfunctions like PIED as a result of your porn use then I don't see any reason why it wouldn't be a good idea to proceed with sex, as that's a important part of re-wireing the brain.

    If you are struggling with that stuff though then it's probably a good idea to go hard-mode for awhile and really detox from it
     
  6. JAVIO

    JAVIO New Fapstronaut

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    My partner is a virgin, and I had sex before. We've been dating for 4 months, and we started around the time I stopped masterbating and Porn. Even though we hadn't have penetrational sex, we still have our moments where we're intimate. I think it'll help still being intimate with your partner; its shows you reality and real emotional connection.
     
  7. Therocker

    Therocker New Fapstronaut

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  8. Therocker

    Therocker New Fapstronaut

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    I am suffering from E.D.,i think so what i should do.
    Should i do sex or not.
     
  9. I think you are obliged to have sex with your girlfriend if she so desires. if you have problems with ED, either beg her patience and try non penetrative sex or get medication.

    You will have a hard time explaining it to your girlfriend that you won't have sex with her.
     
  10. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly man I found myself in this situation with a real promising new relationship and I found out the hard way that I had it. I tried to explain it away with excuses and probably didn't do such a good job and I think it scared her off...if I were you I would just sit down with her and explain everything: Basically explain this whole thing and how it works and come clean: tell her you've had a problem with porn and that it's got some bad side effects but that you're working on making it go away so you can with her 100%.

    It's an embarrassing subject but a very common one and she will probably be more understanding. And to be frank, keep in mind that there's lots of other ways besides regular PIV sex to please a woman...if it all goes well you can make it work and potentially be very happy while you recover.

    There's the chance she might not take it well, but if she's already willing to have sex then she probably likes you enough where most likely it isn't gonna totally scare her away and she may actually appreciate the honesty and help you out. If not, well, it sucks but a lot of us have been there: you'll have time to get thru it on your own, find someone even better and really blow her mind.

    I hope it goes well for you
     
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  11. cipherlocked442

    cipherlocked442 New Fapstronaut

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    Outlander, I'm in agreement with you. I'm totally committed to no PM, but have just met an awesome girl and sex will soon be an issue. She likes me a lot, so embarrassing as it might be, I'm just going to tell her the truth instead of trying to hide things until my E.D. is fixed by the reboot. I just started 2 weeks with no PMO, and have been using porn for over 15 years. My E.D. isn't going to fixed overnight and may even take up to a year, so telling her the truth is the only good solution I can think of. This is my first post and it's really good to be able to talk about this stuff with other guys that are going through the same. Thanks to you all.
     
    outlander.9 likes this.
  12. I wouldn't dare to tell a new girlfriend about problems with porn. It'd rather get medication to keep her happy until the PIED from all those hours of edging in front of the PC has worn off. I don't think the gf needs to know about this. It happened before you made any commitment to her.
     
  13. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    You shouldn't get medication that stuff has rare side effects like blindness. You can try having sex, but if you have a problem with that, you may want to wait a bit. When you start NoFap, you'll notice that things are improving, maybe at that point start having sex with her. If you haven't had sex with her yet, just tell her you want to hold off on sex for now and you want to make sure you really like her before you have sex. If it's a new relationship, it may be too awkward to come clean about NoFap
     
  14. Sorry, but it has to be added that this side effect is extremely rare and would only be temporary. Many men, me included, take this medication. It has proven to be a tremendous help for them and their partners.

    All medications have possible side effects and still people take them for good reasons.

    If the OP needs to have sex before the benefits of abstinence from porn have kicked in, I argue that it is better to choose medication than running the risk of not satisfying the woman. We don't even know how long, if at all, nofap will take in order to work. The OP simply can't hope and wait for that long.
     
  15. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    You're 45, he's 21. Medication for erections is not meant for young people when there is addiction or other psychological factors involved. He needs no PMO and maybe to see a therapist. There are new studies also showing increased risk of skin cancers with these types of medications. Everything has a side effect, medicines should be the LAST RESORT for anything unless it's life-threatening. The OP needs to learn his lesson and understand the PMO has brought him to this place to heal, not cover up his side effects of PIED due to porn with medications which have their own side effects.
     
  16. hmm, according to Gary Wilson, medication does not help if you have PIED. I have experienced the opposite to be true.

    So you never take pills against headaches or nausea? That is also not life threatening. i think everybody can make their own choice.

    As a young man I had erection problems due to performance anxiety. I would have chosen medication if I could have. Those are also psychological problems and [email protected] is designed to help with that.

    Sure, it would be better without medication. But if you need to perform in order to keep up the relationship, not using medication when you can would be a tough, but respectable choice.
     
  17. ClaritySeeker

    ClaritySeeker Fapstronaut

    Yes, you have to weigh the risks of taking the medications with the benefits, everyone can make their own choice, I agree. If you think it's worth taking a Tylenol for you headache, then go ahead, I personally just take the headache or try to avoid whatever causes it in the first place. Nausea, I prefer to take ginger or try something safer.
    I did not know [email protected] (I was wondering why you did that, haha won't let me post otherwise) doesn't help PIED, so that's the end of the discussion for that, thanks @BartlebytheScrivener :D
     
  18. In his famous TED talk, Wilson explains why [email protected] would not help men with PIED: Because the blue pills only work if you are aroused. Since PIED affected men don't get aroused in real sexual situations, [email protected] does not help them. Seems to make a lot of sense.

    However, somewhere else, and maybe by other people, it is assumed that porn addicts enrich the pharma industry by buying blue pills to mask the effects of the addiction. I see a contradiction here.

    It has helped me, which makes me wonder how addicted I really am. From my behaviour, I would say, very much so.
     

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