Give in to chaser or resist

IMHO, what's more important is identifying your goals for the relationship and determining whether those align with your partner's. Are you familiar with Karezza? If not, people on this forum have written about it and there are plenty of videos/websites online where you can learn more. It may be one way to engage in intimacy with one's partner without experiencing the "chaser" effect. Thus, one may continue to love their partner without dreading the shame/guilt/lust that may follow traditional sex.

 

Day 45 here, in soft mode - Age 33.

I've managed to have sex without orgasm 5 times so far, sometimes it is very difficult (a woman's vagina feels amazing after all) though sometimes through will and breathing you can easily control it, depends on the mood - trick is to stop and start if you have to, when you think you're in the danger zone - pull out, take some deep breaths, go for a pee then have a cuddle with your parter. It's actually amazing, you feel super charged & cuddly as opposed to tired and sleepy.

 

@HappyW&M
I haven't tried Karezza myself, but I think the best description I've ever gotten was by reading "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" by Marnia Robinson. She not only explains how to have Karezza-style sex, but also (and arguably more importantly) describes how to cherish your partner outside the bedroom in a way that counteracts what we're genetically programmed to do - procreate via orgasm. It's not just about how you have sex, but rather about how you look at your partner, the words you use with them, the way you make them feel, the way you touch them, how much time you spend with them, the attention you give them, the emotions you share with them. IMO, successful Karezza starts outside the bedroom.

While I obviously wasn't there, per your description I suspect you may have practiced tantra-style sex where the avoidance of orgasm is consciously avoided. In Karezza, orgasm isn't even on your mind.

If you don't like to read books, go to YouTube, type "Marnia Robinson" and watch a couple interviews with this lady. She suffered from short-lived relationship up until she came across Karezza and started practicing it at a relatively older age. Her website is www.reuniting.info
Let me know what you think if you'd like.

 

Some of the partner-focused activities (called "exchanges") listed in the back of the book help rewire the brain - not only for you, but perhaps for her as well. To be realistic, you're "x" years old and may have associated orgasm with sex for a long while. As with any great thing, it takes time to change.

Let us know what you think of the book/site.