Giving it a go...

[PulledPork]

I've been thinking of joining NoFap for some time now but I think I always suspected I would fail... I've certainly not ruled out that possibility but I've managed to convince myself to give it a try.

I'm a postgraduate student in the UK who suffers enormously with depression. This past 2 weeks have been particularly severe and, because of the nature of my work/study, I can often create long periods of time that I can use to... ferment? Yes, ferment, around my home. This is something I've been doing a huge amount of recently.

In the long run, I would like to just have a healthy relationship with pornography but at present I would suspect that I'm M-ing (I've took some time to learn the lingo) somewhere in the region of about 3-5 times a day.

I realise it might be a little bit of clichéd beginning but, it seems as good as any to simply ask: does anyone have any advice for how to get started successfully?

J

P.S. I just went my first day in what I would suspect is well over a year without PMO...
I actually feel surprisingly good for such a short period of abstinence!

 

[Ongoingsupport]

What is your idea of a healthy relationship with pornography?

It doesn't sound like you've really looked at what is done here, P is the one thing people pretty much universally abstain from even if there's MO so... I don't know what to tell ya.

 

[PulledPork]

What is your idea of a healthy relationship with pornography?

It doesn't sound like you've really looked at what is done here, P is the one thing people pretty much universally abstain from even if there's MO so... I don't know what to tell ya.

Well, you've really cheered me up - thanks a bunch.

I would say I have had quite a considerable look at "what is done here" and my idea of a healthy relationship with pornography is one where I can either abstain from it entirely without feeling such a strong pull towards it, or perhaps being able to use pornography in a way that doesn't entail the destructive qualities of addiction.

 

[D . J .]

Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips which may help you along your journey.

 

[Ongoingsupport]

Well, you've really cheered me up - thanks a bunch.

I would say I have had quite a considerable look at "what is done here" and my idea of a healthy relationship with pornography is one where I can either abstain from it entirely without feeling such a strong pull towards it, or perhaps being able to use pornography in a way that doesn't entail the destructive qualities of addiction.

I just haven't seen people seriously consider anything besides an abstinence based approach, the second possibility you stated, sort of a harm reduction model I suppose only seems to be presented by people who are new and/or don't believe they can maintain abstinence. I don't see the point in entertaining the second possibility because if that is the case, you will find yourself not doing it anyway after trying. If it isn't the case though and it is possible to be abstinent, then it may be self defeating and there is the possibility of a self fulfilling prophecy.

If you've had a good overview of the forum already then you know the cross section of people and how they approach it both formally and the kind of views they bring to it. I'm not convinced everyone really wants it, and those with great achievement may even identify too much with the gamification aspect which is really not the point, but understandable for people of a certain age and demographic.

You asked about getting started successfully, you've already started - the question of course is maintaining the success. It probably goes without saying that you might aim for a specific period of time of abstaining from PM as your counter is set now, and there are various threads of different lengths of time like 7 days, 14, 1 month and so on. Maybe you would surprise yourself. If you have the idea that you want to return to porn then at least suspend that idea for the duration of the challenge and you can always re-evaluate.

Those are of course only the basics, someone with your level of education may appreciate there are subtler nuances if one wants to be thorough in such an endeavor. I am not interested in providing social support only - it is important but that is also an important qualification. I think social support in recovery communities in general can end up being a goal in itself, and hanging out is just not the same goal as recovery. I think people also do not realize a certain tunnel vision in their outlook (such as taking the gamification too seriously) will actually limit the potential of progress - which is certainly more than counting days but has to do with actual deep inner change.