Giving Up Something That Feels Good

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Nov 19, 2018.

  1. Something that makes giving up PMO hard, is that PMO feels so good! I find myself struggling a little bit with this thought. Remembering how good it felt, and realizing that doing a "reboot" means that I'm prohibiting myself from having that pleasure again. It sucks. In the past I've sometimes thought that doing something that feels so good, HAS to be good for me. How could a little bit of pleasure hurt? That's how my porn brain thinks, anyways. I don't really know what the solution is, other than that I just have to accept that yeah this sucks, haha :(
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  2. VeganRights

    VeganRights Fapstronaut

    I know what you mean man, sometimes i have this thought and feelings as well.. pmo seems so attractive

    But i have come to realize more that it's mostly like flashy & shiny lights.. looks amazing, but it's not real fulfilment. Always after a pmo session i felt like... was that it?? And after long term pmo use i felt like shit, only negative consequences.

    Of course nature made sx and O feel amazing, because of procreation of the species. But masturbation, p & o, is like the illusion version of that... no real sex, no real love, no real fulfilment. Its like tricking the brain... with false rewards... you know what i'm saying.

    I wanna live as Real as i can.. no more fake rewards for me.
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  3. Dudes_manrod

    Dudes_manrod Fapstronaut

    I agree on the idea of "tricking the brain". When we feel that good release from indulging in PMO, our brain is rewarding us for a laundry-list of prerequisite work it believes we accomplished to be receiving all this stimulation. But after the initial rush of chemicals is gone there's just.. nothing. There's no mate there, bonding chemicals are released to cement us to whoever is about to bear our child, but its just some electronic screen. We feel a calming euphoria, telling us we proved our worth and were able to demonstrate our value to the opposite sex and the species. But in reality, we are alone and the time we spent is of no value to anyone.

    *cue emotional music*
  4. Good posts guys, thanks
    VeganRights likes this.
  5. Also doing PMO, feeding the addiction, is so unbelievably selfish. What a selfish thing, to be so concerned with personal pleasure. No wonder I'm a virgin. I only care to please myself. I haven't known any other approach to sex. I've been warped
  6. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I don't think enough people post stuff like this. People find it easier to rail against porn than to shine a light on the side of themselves that valued it. Once, when I was really struggling with porn-sobreity I decided to let the side of me that was desperate to go back to porn write one of my journal posts. Here's what I (he?) said
    Of course I followed that up immediately with a post reaffirming the reasons why I am giving up but I do believe that it is important to look carefully at what we are giving up, what porn gave us.

    Looking at the lives of hedonistic people gives a quick answer to that one!

    And to try to get behind the 'feels' to understand why porn got such a hold. What was/is it about you and about me that led us to addiction. I don't think it is just pleasure, I think it is more than that, peculiar idiosyncracies in our psychologies. For me that's been one of the most satisfying things about rebooting. It is so hard I have really had to look inside myself to make it work, and that's been useful right through my life, not just for remaining porn-sober.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Yeah there is no denying that PMO feels good and during recovery, one has to deal with that fact, that one is giving that up. It doesn't feel good to give up something that feels good. One has to be prepared to deal with that fact
  8. I'm struggling with these thoughts as well. I relapsed over the weekend and I have to admit that I was looking forward to it. It's so hard to quit something that feels so good without any serious health consequences like you see with addictions like smoking, alcohol, or heroine. You could literally fap yourself into oblivion for the rest of your life without overdosing or dying from a fap related illness. I guess what I'm saying is that self improvement alone sometimes isn't enough to deter me.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. end_it_for_good

    end_it_for_good Fapstronaut

    why not reframe it to " you are going to have way better sex in the future, instead of giving up something crappy that doesn't feel amazing anyway. good sex is far better than porn. Think of it like moving towards something better
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  10. You're talking about the sensitization, and then needing more extreme porn
  11. Yeah, I know what you mean. I don't know if any amount of reframing is going to allow me to escape from the fact of PMO feeling so good. That memory and experience is pretty strong. I just see it as there's no escaping the fact of giving up something that feels so good, it's just going to have to be part of recovery. In the end there very well may be no reward as strong. Will I have better sex in the future? I don't know, since I don't know what actual sex is like. First I have to find someone, and I've never done that before, so I have no track record of success that would indicate I'd be successful in the future. What if I don't like it? That's a very real possibility. And I'm not entitled to it anyway. So, what I'm trying to say, is that there's no guarantee that giving up PMO will result in me getting a girlfriend, finding love, having sex, etc. That's called "magical thinking" which I want to avoid
  12. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

    I have been wondering that lately. The last day or two I’ve had urges to pmo like out of nowhere. I haven’t really had temptations to look at P all 48 days untill now. I’m wondering, what’s the point? It feels good. And I’m very depressed and lonely. But I keep trying to tell myself if I’m feeling this desperate for it, and I get past it. I will grow!

    I hope.
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  13. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    In my experience, this is one of addiction's primary seductions - 'But it feels so good...' I wonder how many others I might come up with in less than two minutes:
    • Just one more time...
    • I'll just take a peek...
    • I wonder if my porn filter's working...
    • It's not hurting anyone...
    • It's only touching...
    • It's only edging...
    • It's not really pornography...
    • Everyone involved is a consenting adult...
    • No-one will know...
    • I deserve this (in the sense of a reward)...
    • I deserve this (in the sense of punishment)...
    • I can handle it...
    • Other people do it...
    Among other things, addiction involves a distortion of perception. How we see ourselves and others and the world gets twisted out of whack, leading to all sorts of nasty outcomes. I do believe there are people out there who can pmo in non-addictive ways. I'm not one of those. And I suspect odds are very good that anyone reading this is in a similar boat.

    Where does this leave us? Well, more likely than not we are left with this, my friends: Yes, pmo feels good. But for folks like us it is not good. So we have to - in a wide range of ways and to a wide range of extents - give it up. Collective sigh...
  14. There's an unrealistic "wish" or "hope" that one not find PMO to feel good. @Rambling Man, I think that's the danger, in your example, that yes, the pleasure is so strong that it cancels out those other bad, painful effects. So what we are dealing with here is something that yes, is so unbelievably strong. So we can't not make PMO feel good. It just is what it is. Or like with @Fallensoldier1, that urge or craving to PMO can come out of nowhere, and it is really an urge or craving for that pleasure. That craving and urge is going to happen. I find myself wanting it to go away, but that's not realistic. So, I guess I just have to learn to accept it and live with it. Thanks for your perspectives guys
    kropo82 likes this.
  15. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    My SAA sponsor says the following: "Recovery is not about getting rid of the feelings and impulses, it's about learning to do something different with them." This from someone who was an active sex addict for fifty years and now has more than eight years clean.
  16. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

  17. Buzz Rees

    Buzz Rees Fapstronaut

    IMHO PMO is a bit like junk food that's full of sugar and fat. Feels good, sort of, only you feel bad afterwards, it isn't good for you because it isn't the whole(some) experience that eating for nourishment should be, it's addictive, warps you (in the food case, you get fat) and it desensitises you to the real stuff. Tastebuds repeatedly exposed to ludicrously sugary and fatty food stop perciving and appreciating the subtle sweetness present in normal food like vegetables. Which makes it harder to quit... and which explains why a proper reboot might be a good idea. Because the argument "but it feels good" could equally be used for other, far more extreme stuff. Heroin? Well I would quit, but shooting up feels good. The adrenaline rush of drunk driving and illegaly speeing on the motorway, well I would stop, but... it feels good, it makes me feel alive... bollocks to all that. Bad things can feel good, in fact they often do... right until they don't.
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  18. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

    I just remind myself that It's literally trading away a healthy sex life for something hollow that only feels good for a minute or two
  19. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

    I know it’s bad when I’m depressed or thinking I don’t feel good, and I imagine spending time looking at my favorite P site, and I start to feel better. So I quickly have to shut that thought down and tell my brain, it’s not hapleneing, give it up!
  20. Yeah I think that's a good analogy. I'm not a big junk food eater, even though junk food feels good. So I guess I can tell myself that there some things that feel good that I go without, so why can't I go without PMO too?
    Nomar, outlander.9 and Buzz Rees like this.

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